Am I making my baby too clingy?

[minnieot]

My baby is 3 months old, exclusively breastfed and has allergies so doesn't like to go down at night as he has a lot of discomfort with gas and reflux.

Because of this, he likes to be held and cuddled a lot and we still do shifts on a night time and I occasionally cosleep practicing the safe sleep seven. I also never leave him crying, no matter what the circumstances, I just don't like the idea of him thinking that nobody is going to respond to his cries.

Everybody seemed to be fine with my parenting choices at first, but lately my family and MIL have been making comments about my baby being too clingy and telling me I'm making a rod for my own back, I shouldn't be feeding him to sleep, I should leave him to cry a little bit sometimes to exercise his lungs and get him used to being without me as he'll learn he can just cry to get what he wants.

I felt quite confident with my parenting choices as I never felt very loved or secure as a child and wanted to ensure my son never feels the way I did but people making comments is starting to get to me and make me question my choices and worry that I'm doing some kind of long term damage.

You are definitely doing the right thing for your baby so ignore any foolish comments. Can’t believe people are still trotting out the old ‘exercising their lungs’ idea!

I was once told that I was becoming a taxi for my baby as I carried and held her so much. 13 years on I have zero regrets, so glad that I have never left her alone to cry.

Breathing exercises their lungs perfectly fine!
This was how I raised my son. He was BF, cuddled, and we co-slept. I now have a happy, confident teen who ignores me as teenagers do.
Ignore the criticisms and carry on as you are. 😁

Check out books/ socials by Dr Greer Kirschenbaum. She will reinforce your mum instinct. Keep up the good work, you’re raising a secure, happy baby.

I have been a cosleeping, breastfeeding, sling wearing mum since DS’s birth and I can safely say my DS is the least clingy child at any of the groups we go to. He’s wild and it’s wonderful.

MIL will always have an opinion. Just remind her that lots has changed since she raised babies!

What mil likely means is she wants you to let go of your dc so she can have it alone.....

You're definitely right, you can't spoil a 3 month old and babies don't need to cry to "exercise their lungs" what utter rubbish.
Your in laws are just giving you extremely outdated advice, ignore!

A baby can never be too clingy. Never.

You're doing fine. I did all the things I was told was "making a rod for my own back". I fed my baby to sleep/rocked my baby to sleep, never left him to cry, let him contact nap...now I have a 2.5 year old who sleeps 11/12 hours straight though every night. And he goes to sleep fine, no fuss. I'm pregnant with baby number 2 and plan to do the same again!

Just ignore them

Follow your instincts, you know how to parent your child and what is right for you, your baby and family. It won't make him dependent (I mean he is totally dependent, he's a baby, why are we so obsessed with them being emotionally independent from day dot?). And as someone who always fed my baby to sleep, and never attempted to stop them, I can confirm they grow out of it in their own time, and turn into confident independent young people.

Anyone who goes on about 'rod for your own back, spoiling them, baby manipulating you' etc is talking bollocks. Babies need to have their needs met, as their parent you want to do this as fast as possible.

I always went with the smile and nod reply and then kept doing what I was happy with.

No. You can't make a 3 month old baby too clingy or spoiled or whatever. Give him all the love and closeness you can. That what he needs. Your in laws are spouting Victorian child rearing nonsense.

Ignore.

Listen to your instincts and give your baby whatever he needs.

People, family or otherwise, will always make comments and judge.

Thicken your skin and forget about it.

YOU are mum. YOU know best.

No. You don't "make" babies clingy.
A happy, content, secure baby will become a happy, secure toddler, happy to explore and socialise.
A 3 month old only needs one person. The rest of them just want their turn on the baby. Ignore them.

Ignore. My first child loved to be cuddled to sleep. My second hated it and had to be put in her cot. Be led by your child and do what you’re happy with.

No. Didn’t even need to read the post. You cannot spoil a baby with too much love and attention. It’s impossible. You’re giving your baby, a helpless infant who can’t do much but basic communication in the form of crying, what they need.

Ignore them and keep on the way you are.

You're absolutely doing the right thing, it feels right for you and for baby.

I always laugh when people say a three month old is too clingy. Baby is three months old and feels safe and comfortable with you! What do they expect?!

My son was EBF, would mostly only settle with me and I'd feed to sleep at that age. He eventually grew out of it when he was ready. He's now 21 months and I can't even tell you when I stopped feeding to sleep, definitely long before he was one. We can now pop him into bed or for a nap with a quick cuddle and he'll roll over and go to sleep. He's also incredibly sociable so I don't seem to have done him any damage.

Your baby, your choice. Just enjoy all the cuddles, it passes so quickly.

Echoing everyone else here to say you are not making your baby clingy, your family can bore off. My son was a Velcro baby - fully contact napped and coslept until 6mo, and I responded quickly when he cried.

He's now just turned 2 and whilst he's definitely a mummy's boy, he's confident playing with others, can sleep the whole night in his cot and does not just cry to get what he wants!

Listen to your gut on this one and enjoy the cuddles

Had the same of my family and mil. Until I had enough and said 'gosh i didn't realise you could spoil a child with love and affection'. They soon stopped chatting crap. Have a funny, caring and confident 4 year old who sleeps through the night. If I ever had another one I would do it exactly the same.
You are doing amazing xx

Thank you so much everyone for reminding me that I'm doing the right thing. So difficult sometimes to not let people's opinions get into my head. I'll keep doing what I'm doing x