Struggling with the thought of returning to work and baby starting nursery

[Frogs32]

Hi,

My little one is 7.5 months and due to start nursery in 1 month, I'm due back at work in 6 weeks, allowing for 2 weeks settling little one in. I am just very emotional about the thought of this all, I feel so upset that I will be leaving him full time, but have no choice as financially we can't manage on one salary and my salary is high enough that we are better off sending baby in fulltime and me returning to work. I feel awful, we have a strong attachment, he is the best thing to happen to me, no family in the area so he is with me and his dad all the time, still partially breastfed. I worry he will struggle a lot and at the minute it makes me upset every second day which I also know is not good for him to see me upset.

Not sure what I hope to achieve from this post, maybe some positive stories of similar situations to settle my emotions. I work in mental health services, so very aware it's normal to feel upset but struggling a lot and not sure how the next month apprehending the start date will go! Having to start this all in Jan was very poor timing also, what a crap time of the year!

I returned to work when DD, now 21, was seven months old. Like you, I was upset at the thought of being separated from her. A few things from my experience I hope will help you. The anticipation was far worse than the reality. Visiting the nursery with her before she started helped as I could envisage her in the baby room. Once I knew she was fine being there, which she was from day 1, I felt much better. There was no difference in our attachment after she started. I carried on breastfeeding until she was 14 months without difficulty.

My LO started nursery one day a week at five months. She LOVES it. We did shorter days to begin with (partly to make BF part time work). Now on that one day a week (she's the same age as your LO I think) she does 9-4pm, eats solids, naps... She seems very settled and happy!

I was anxious before she started, but the staff are lovely, they have so many more toys than we could ever have, and they do messy play that I would hesitate to do at home! I am back at work (DP is doing shared parental leave) and I definitely do miss LO whether she's with her dad or at nursery, but I also think it's good for her to have those interactions and experiences. I'm still breastfeeding her in the mornings. To begin with, I would go to collect her and sit in the rocking chair at the nursery and feed her - they were very supportive of that. You can make it work and maintain things that are special to you 💕

Can you use all of your accrued leave to take another month off or to start back part time?

Ps I completely agree with pp that it is SO great that they do so much messy play and painting and sand and water play at nursery so you don't have the mess at home!

Mine started at 8.5mo as well and I was really stressed beforehand. I thought he’d go 3/4 days a week but due to work (I’m self employed) it quickly became 5! Luckily he loved it and settled in really fast. I breastfeed him before and after and he has a bottle of expressed milk while he’s there. It’s been far easier and better than I could have imagined.

I too was really anxious about my DD2 starting nursery, she was a lot more clingy than DD1. I knew I couldn't delay her start because I had jury duty.

Our nursery were great they invited me in with her for 2 hours, this was in addition to the settling in sessions. I found it really reassuring as I could see how the staff would look after her, their routines and how calmly and lovingly they delt with a small child who got very upset. Could you ask if this is possible?

She has been there a year and a half and loves it. As pp have said there is lots of things they offer that she wouldn't be getting at home.

That said I am also a big fan of both parents compressing their hours to work a 9 day fortnight. To allow each parent to spend one day a fortnight at home.

Yes, could you take a day off a week for a few months? You accrue quite a lot!

Solidarity here my LO will be starting soon though a few months older.