Worried about DP returning to work after paternity leave

[FTM1993]

I'm a FTM to a 12 week old. I was really lucky as my DP had 12 weeks off with their job. They are now returning to work and I feel quite anxious about looking after our baby all day everyday. We have had a perfect little bubble for 3 months and perhaps I should have 'tested' myself more within those 3 months by taking baby out by myself, going to groups etc. I just didn't want to burst our little bubble before we had to I suppose! I have signed up to some baby groups and will meet up with our NCT friends but I am feeling quite emotional about the whole thing, and what if I don't cope on those long days where I have no set plans to fill our time. DP will still be getting up in the night with baby on alternate nights and wants to spend as much of the evening with baby as possible, but sometimes has to work away and can be gone from 6am to 7pm on those days. We don't live near family unfortunately and most of my friends do not have kids/are working during the week. Anybody have any advice or reassurance? I guess once I've had a few days to transition I will be fine, right?

Honestly you'll be fine. It'll be different but you'll get into a new routine. Personally I made sure I had something on each day. Went to lots of groups and then made a few friends to meet up with. You've got this! Congrats on your baby!

I can pretty much guarantee that every new mum has felt how you're feeling.
You'll manage fine and soon get your own routine.
The thought of it is way worse than the reality.

Honestly try not to worry. My baby is 8 months old now but I also had these worries before my husband went back to work, he had 4 weeks off, I actually found it so much easier in a lot of ways once he was back at work! You can actually settle into a new routine that works for you, you will adjust quicker than you think and in my experience it really wasn’t bad at all. Good luck x

You’ll be fine.
My DP only had two weeks off, and I’m the most anxious human being on the planet. If I can do it, you DEFINITELY can! ☺️

You eventually get into the swing of things, and create your own routine, and it becomes second nature.

Bloody Nora!! Your baby is 12 weeks!!!

my husband had to go back to work 1 week after my c section with DC2 as he didn’t get any paternity leave. So I had a newborn and a 3 yo by myself.

youre being precious first time parent, give your head a wobble or three

You'll be fine 😊 I love going to groups x

I don’t think that’s fair. You both have very different circumstances and she’s allowed to feel anxious about it! The length of time doesn’t really matter it’s the fact it’s a big change in routine when the dad goes back to work.
I felt the same too (and my husband had 4 weeks off) but you very quickly get into your own routine. Definitely get out and about with the baby on your own sooner rather than later.

That sounds really tough, but please don't invalidate my feelings about my own situation. I posted looking for reassurance and advice. Parenthood is hard enough as it is and as you well know. Your comment isn't helpful.

Thank you I appreciate that x

The reassurance is you’ll definitely be fine!

I was lucky as DH spent about 4 months off work with dc1 (and longer with dc2). I think it's fine that you didn't "test yourself" by going out on your own - we didn't either, we had the loveliest bubble cocooned up with the baby and taking her out on little trips.

Baby groups will be great, also look at baby classes which are more structured as it helps to pass the time more quickly and gives you ideas of things to do at home. We did something every day, and I built a set of calender listings on my phone of different regular events (like stay and plays and Rhyme Time) so I was never stuck for ideas. I had little bucket lists to try out different activities, visiting different children's centres, libraries, farms and museums just for the variety. The baby won't get bored but I would have! I used mummy blogs for my area and FB groups for recommendations of different places to go. I also went to some great activities aimed more at adults which allowed babies to come along - cinema, comedy shows, theatre, history walks, fitness classes.

I was by myself for day dot as had no paternity leave and he worked away . Practical tips that really helped me were to make lunch the previous night and a flask of tea in the morning so if the baby was grouchy I could still eat and drink. I used to lay out clothes for the morning and shower when they were in bed. Their dad came home every Sunday and I used to cook and freeze meals when he was there. I used nap times to catch up on chores round the house.

My now ex wasn’t allowed to be unsupervised from 6 weeks old as he took an OD whilst I took a nap …

so honestly if he wasn’t there it was easier when he wasn’t there .

you will find your own routines ,

my Ds was so clingy I put him in a baby carrier so i could get some things done . I had sandwiches most days for lunch as I litterally put him down .

At your DC’s age bouncy chair chatting , singing whilst you get things done - anything is entertaining. .

You'll be fine, it's a good age. You should be physically mostly recovered from birth and baby is not a tiny newborn but equally not a crawling beastie you need to chase around.

I recommend to sit down and write a list of everything locally on for each day of the week at what time. Whether that's free classes at the library, drop in mums groups, church stay and plays etc. Then if you feel like going out or need company you've got an easy option. I'd also book some classes, swimming or baby sensory type things so you've got some regular things on.

It's natural to feel nervous. You will settle into a new routine. Try to get out each day and make a bit of a plan for each day (but if it doesn't quite work out don't be hard on yourself).

Finding a couple of people to catch up with even if it's for a walk is a godsend if you can manage that.

You will be fine, you will soon get into a routine just the 2 of you. I get that its scary but it will all be ok and in some ways it can be easier.
I would say though that it sounds a bit unfair for your partner to get up in the night if hes at work next day and you aren't. I say this as someone who's first child was a VERY bad sleeper but I still did all the night stuff so DH was safe to drive to work and able to do his job well enough.

I agree. Our DD isn’t always a great sleeper as she suffers with Colic, but because her Dad works, I take the hit with that in the week. It’s not fair for him to suffer through the night, then have to do a full days physical work on no sleep. We sleep in separate rooms, to ensure he gets a decent night. He does have her one of the nights at the weekend, so I can rest and recharge, without having to get up for feeds and changes etc. It really does help both of us, doing it this way.

You’ll be fine. I know that sounds easy to say, but you really will be! You’ll find your own routine and figure out how to do everything with one pair of hands. Make sure you can get baby and pushchair/sling in and out of the car safely, or on to a bus or whatever you use. Get that bit sorted and the world is your oyster!

I went to a lot of baby groups and classes. Most of the time I went to one which at least NCT friend was going to, nice and easy to walk in to a room knowing there’s at least one familiar face.