Children getting overexcited and over tired in the run up to Christmas

[TinyTeachr]

Advice very welcome, or just commiserations!

My 4yo twins are behaving so badly at the moment. We just want out to a Carol service (which I'd been really looking forward to) and had to leave before the first carol.

They wouldn't sit still, they wouldn't stay quiet, they kept trying to climb into the law in front or roll under it. Just a total disaster really.

They aren't perfect at the best of times, but this week they have really taken the biscuit!!!! They were naughty at their preschool nativity (although in fairnessthe while class were pretty bad), naughty at the end of term service, all over the place at church this morning. We're having tantrums over minor things like getting dressed and putting shoes on. Bedtime last night was a fiasco and it never usually is.

Is this just over stimulation and too much excitement? Or are we doing something terribly wrong?I remember my eldest being tired and a bit emotional in the run up to Christmas,but nothing like this!

They are having a few minutes of "quiet time" while we decide what to do. Eldest is merrily tucking into some chocolate coins without them (was going to be a shared great after the service).

It feels like we miss a lot of things as their behaviour is poor. At this age my eldest could be trusted to behave at a cafe or similar, or go to a matinee performance of a panto. There's just no way to take our boys to these things and I'm irritated by how much that restricts Christmas traditions. It feels like we can't go to anything that isn't a playground or soft play. It's so frustrating!

Sounds pretty normal. After last Christmas I made some notes to remind myself what had/not worked. No. 1 on the list - "Do not plan anything for the first day of the holidays." Everyone's tired - kids can't behave, parents are stressed etc etc. Take them somewhere outdoors and let them run and scream to their hearts content.

I’ve noticed this at the school gate for the last week or so. It’s everyone. The change in the routines and the constant reminder that something big is coming is really hard for smaller children.

Christmas is just too much these days. It's full on from 1st December if not earlier. In my day (80s) it didn't really get going until mid December.

Did you go to the carol concert because you wanted to go or you thought they would like it? Not many 4 year olds would sit nicely through a carol concert at the best of times. If it's something you would like to do I would arrange a babysitter and go with DH or a friend until your kids are older.

The temptation is to fill every moment with a Christmas activity even when you are chilling at home it becomes Christmas movies and making Christmas cookies etc. just dial back on the Christmas. They are having it pushed onto hem at every turn. Try to make some time for normal activities. Even if it's just a walk in the park.

Did you really think your 4yo children were going to enjoy sitting quietly at a carol service? Perhaps you were hoping it was something they would tolerate?

they are only little and rambunctious for a very short time. This is the age to embrace the Christmas activities that they will only enjoy at this age. Soon you will have older children and be wistful for things like a noisy pancake breakfast with Santa at the village hall.

Plan and expect. Eg run around a park for an hour then a snack then go to sit in a carol service with headphones handy for them to sit with an iPad if carols are for you

Probably a bit too optimistic there op, my 8 year old would probably be ok at a carol concert now but that’s only a recent development.
It’s all just too exciting for little ones and as others say it starts so early. I’d dial back on the Christmas if possible, although you need a long walk or softplay on Christmas Eve!

We never put the tree or other decorations up before the last day of term.
All too much. DD is 20 now, we have some lights up but still no decorations or tree before college finishes next week.

We call it the season of the knob head for a reason in this house

Your messages have made me feel a bit better!

The Carol service was really for me/eldest. DH usually takes eldest, but I haven't been able to go in the last 4 years. I thought they would be old enough to sit with moderate levels of forgetting/muttering. There are others next weekend, but they are in the evening and as the boys go to bed at 7pm it's hard to go to one of those, plus although the baby is awake then she's much less calm /settled.

Perhaps we just need a few quiet days where the only outings for the boys are walks/local playground. Shame for the eldest, but I don't see any way round it. Generally we need to address the boys behaviour but I doubt there's much we can do before Christmas.

Divide and conquer is your best option here.

My eldest is 6 and i think your expectations are too high tbh. Id only consider attempting something like a carol concert now and even then I reckon she'd probably be bored after about half an hour. Sounds like standard behaviour for 4yr olds, they're not known for sitting still and quietly.

We went to a child friend show yesterday and loads of little kids were struggling to sit still. Hward one mum tell a 2/3 year old that she won't be taking him to anything else as he can't behave! Kids are too young - try again in a few years and even then a carol concert can be dull for them

They are 4 and overtired and there are two of them. Of course they are going to be hard work.

There are quite a few services aimed at young children around us, like Christingles or crib services where you could take them? You have years to go to things like pantos and carol services. Or divide and rule with your partner.

I have 3yo old twins and an elder son and he was never mad in the run up to Christmas, and one of my twins is fine with it too. The other one though is a mess! Totally over stimulated and not sleeping very well, muttering about his advent calendar in his sleep! He is probably going to combust before Christmas comes.

When ours were little, we took them to see Santa at the Bluebell railway just before Christmas. I do remember thinking that we should have stayed home and bollocked them there and saved £60.

I've said it before but I think for small kids you need be careful not to overstimulate them with too many events and to try and get them outdoors and active where possible this season. I still remember that whipped up with excitement feeling that sometimes happened as a small child at Christmas.

@TinyTeachr My son turned 5 on Thursday - December is a big month for us, no way around it.

We don't go overboard with Christmas - no elf on the shelf, no breakfast with Santa, no massive light trails and we see Santa at our local church for £2. But he's still super excited because it's everywhere and... It's exciting!

Keep things chill at home and make sure they're getting chance to run around like loons. I went to our Christcringle service today - originally I planned to take DS, but even after an hour at the park it was obvious he wasn't up for it, so him and DH washed the car while I went to church! I came back with a pack for us to make the orange candle with him at home this afternoon.

I agree with others who suggest dividing and conquering - especially from your update that you not only have 4 year old twins and an older child but also an actual BABY in the mix too - you're basically a super hero for even getting out the house tbh 🤣

They sound totally normal. Carol services are boring, especially when you are just waiting! Give it a few years and try again. My 10 year old has been great with stuff like that since about 5, my 7 year old still struggles now. She's not poorly behaved but finds sitting still hard, sometimes it's about not asking too much of them and picking your battles.

Christingle services for kids is what you want and messy church.

https://www.childrenssociety.org.uk/how-you-can-help/fundraise-and-events/christingle/what-is-christingle

I have an outdoor cafe about a mile from the nearest village in the country. In the week before Xmas, and particularly Xmas eve, I am usually very busy with families visiting and trying to wear their kids out with fresh air and exercise (and a posh hot choc at my cafe as a bribe!).

I think the issue is that there is 2 of them so more to manage . Take your eldest to an evening carol service and leave them at home with husband , granny whoever as it’s really not fair on the eldest to miss out .

Ok, seems like a bit of overexcitement is typical and I was also too ambitious with my choice of activity.

I think as my eldest went to a Carol service at that age and behaved fairly well (fidgetting and humming and pointing at things but basically behaving) I thought it would work. Bit stupidly simplistic on reflection - she was one child with two adults, and had always been quite compliant. My twins are a rather different kettle of fish and it's now 4 children to two adults instead of one.

Will revise things I had planned over the next two weeks taking that into account!

I guess I wanted to avoid divide and conquer because it almost always works out with me being the one to stay at home and do bedtimes. Basically because DH sucks at settling the twins and it always goes horribly wrong. Rather irritating - when eldest was this age DH was totally responsible for bath and bedgime most nights but sadly the twins defeat him....

We definitely need to get their behaviour better. Although I accept this was too much to expect, they start school next September and do need to be able to sit for assemblies etc, which at the moment seems..... unlikely. But perhaps we'll aim for a quiet Christmas and tackle that a bit more in the New Year.

4 is really quite young to sit quietly at a Carol service, even the panto is pushing it at that age. Being twins probably makes it worse too as they can wind eachother up!
If you think their behaviour is worse than average and their teachers have concerns then you can think of a strategy to tackle it, but probably after the excitement of Christmas is over!

Most schools will not expect children to sit for an assembly until around Christmas time in the first term and even then they will be supported. Also children can behave very differently at school (better!) when there is more peer pressure. Unless their preschool or nursery is raising concerns I wouldn't worry too much.

Interesting your first child is a girl and they are boys! Not to be gender stereotypical but that doesn't seem that surprising.

😄 this made me laugh. God love him. My 3 year old is the same with the advent calendar, but thankfully taking everything else in his stride. So excited though! I agree with all the posters saying get them outdoors as much as possible and especially for a good runaround before any Christmassy events.

We keep it as simple as possible. I know some kids who have been to see multiple santas but we just stick to one. A handful of events in December at most are enough at this age: meet Santa, Christmas light switch on, nursery Christmas party... that's probably enough for mine.