Return to work what time expect?

[PrehistoricMother]

I am a first time mum & planning to go to work next May. I will go back at 4 days a week, partner is full time. I will wfh twice a week so this is helpful.

Becoming a parent feels like I have been hit by a lorry, so I want to prepare myself for juggling work on top of being a mum.

Are there any tips? Anything I should consider? Atm I imagine that I will finally be myself again by going to work but maybe I am delusional & it will be just more exhausting!? Partner is good but not great at housework/ cooking, needs to be reminded of chores which I find mentally exhausting (hi patriarchy!)

It’s a long way but just want to be ready! LO will be at nursery 4 days per week as well when I am at work.
*subject was meant to be what TO expect not what time! 🙏🏼

Partner is good but not great at housework/ cooking, needs to be reminded of chores which I find mentally exhausting

Get him to act now how he would in May in terms of chores etc to show you that it can work. If he keeps it up for a month go back. If not then still go back but insist on a cleaner paid from the joint account

If you are already finding it mentally exhausting then expect to find it even more so when you go back - you need to get your partner to start pulling his weight more now. Juggling the mental load of running a household while also being the default parent and working almost full time is a lot. Sadly I think that a lot of the time we shoulder the load as we are on maternity leave and it never then resets when we go back to work, so start working on that now.

In terms of going back to work - expect to feel like a newbie and to maybe lose a bit of confidence, It will come back and I found it a lot easier second time around! But first time around I was shocked at how my confidence was impacted even though work couldn’t have been more supportive. Expect to be tired, good chance that you’ll still have some sleep issues with baby by then although hopefully that won’t be the case. And just remember it’s a new phase that you’ll have to get used, it will take some trial and error working out your new routine but you will get there.

One thing I’d remember is that by May your baby will be different to now so don’t try to imagine it like going back now. Organisation is the key - have everything ready the night before and meal plan at weekends.
I found I got a bit of me back after returning to work and working 4 days with 1 child was fine.

It sounds like you know what you'll be up against if you have already sussed that your partner doesn't see unpaid work as an equitable activity.
Not being at the office 50% of your working week will further skew the balance I'd imagine.
I'm out the other side of this now, I'm single and work from home full time, my dc are 8 and 11. Years of expecting parity from my ex came to nothing.
The likely hood is you will shoulder the burden indefinitely, so what could you expect of him to balance things up? Maybe he could contribute to you pension to make up for your loss in earnings from here on in? Maybe he could commit to you both having equal leisure time and budget to spend on it once you baby is a bit bigger? If he won't do his share of the unpaid work maybe he could organise and pay for a cleaner to come on the days you are at work. Maybe he could take an equal number of days off work to care for your child when they are off nursery with a bug?
I'm old and jaded, can you tell!

Plenty of time to get organised and systems in place.
One of you does the nursery drop off and the other collects. You’ll need to take it in turns to be off work to cover sickness. Get organised for household stuff - work out who is doing what and when - laundry, cleaning, food shopping, cooking etc

Thank you for the advice! It’s reassuring to know it can work. Organisation, seems to be the common thread. And good point re baby changing by then!

All v good tips, thanks! We defo need to have a conversation re tasks, particularly every day/ repetitive. I have not thought about it, in my partner’s work (school) they only have 2 days per year as caregiver leave. He can do a lot more on school holidays but term-time is very inflexible.

Thank you for your honesty and for your advice. You mention some good ideas, he is already paying for professional cleaning which he suggested so that’s helpful and positive, but somehow still end up doing more housework which seems endless with a baby!

I do live in hope but keeping a close eye on his actions too!