Ex husband and I separated a year ago. I left with infant LO while he was being investigated for child abuse and domestic abuse - both substantiated. Child abuse was an "isolated incident", and no charges were laid for the domestic issue because it wasn't physical enough. But, these were enough for children's services to endorse me moving with LO since ex refused to leave the matrimonial house. Ex also refused the children's services-recommended anger mgmt, so children's services required he complete parenting courses and therapy. Anyways.. after I left, the crazy-making behaviour continued:
Wanting LO exchanges done at a police station for his own "safety", but many times standing close behind me as I place LO in the car seat. After multiple warnings (including from my lawyer) for him to give more space given his insistence to conduct parenting exchanges at a police station, he becomes angry and mockingly says he will, "give one extra foot distance".
He's the non-custodial parent who refused to leave the house, he informally requested that I give 24 hours notice before going to the jointly-owned matrimonial house. He also requested his support person be present. I was OK with both requests. When I went on my move out day, there were multiple "support people" (including children) where the adults were clearly trying to intimidate me: they had rude running commentary to every question I had about items, blocked my path by planting themselves chain smoking in the doorway, and followed me into rooms to monitor my movement. The children looked uncomfortable. I'm proud to say i conducted myself with dignity and used biff communication. I sent ex-husband a message after expressing disappointment in his support peoples' conduct, asking he keep children away from our marital breakdown drama, and to give me space for the next scheduled moving day.. he responds: "What?! Those 'children' are family!! They once called you aunt!!" The children were present the next move out day, too.
Then it came time to sell the house, which post-separation I still helped with costs even when ex refused to budge. Ex gave what I thought was a sincere and thoughtful offer: "why don't you go back to say goodbye to the house. It will give you closure..." I didn't go back since I felt I already had closure, but I thought his offer was nice - until.. The real estate agent sent us a frustrated message on group chat the day before closing, that there was "garbage left behind" after his move out and his response was, "WaltzMoonCheese was the last one there!!" I had to defend myself, "No, I haven't been there since my final move-out day months ago." Ex had to go back before the buyers moved in and clean up his garbage.
After nearly a year of ex-husband threatening court and draining my retainer with wacko letters (even during mediation), he finally filed an application for a parenting order where he requested 50/50 parenting time and joint decision making. He also requested that I pay him child support if he gets shared parenting time - since I earn more. But days after filing, he sends me a personal email saying he can't provide ANY child support and that I don't need support to look after LO because I'm financially thriving - not true. He implied he's impoverished by the legal process (maybe because he's taking a scorched earth approach and litigating?) and can't afford support payments. The support he paid prior was inconsistent at best.
After cutting off child support, ex unprovoked, sends a flurry of messages boasting "expensive" clothing and gifts he bought for LO. It seemed impulsive and strange so I asked why he can't afford child support if he's buying brand new and "expensive" clothing and toys. He ignores the message. I found comparable used winter gear for very cheap including some free stuff for LO.
Through therapy I realized what he's doing is called crazy-making. Only after leaving did it click how frequently it happened and how oblivious I was to it while living under the same roof. I guess this is more of a rant, but open to advice on how to deal with this crazy making behaviour.