To find certain news reports soul destroying now that I am a mum.

[TheSillyGoose]

I have always read news reports of children being murdered and felt absolutely sick to my stomach, but since I've become a mother, I have taken every single one to heart.

I read about the poor little girl beaten to death by her mothers boyfriend (they were sentenced recently, hence being back in the news). I lay awake all night sobbing, feeling so guilty for that poor child. Eventually, at about 4am, I just sat and watched my little boy sleep whilst crying. When my DH woke up he thought I was mad.

Every single case like this upsets me hugely, for days after, and I just can't work out how to cope with it.

I certainly won't ever be able to go back to work - I worked in the NHS and would just break down now imagining my child with any ailment or injury I might see.

I am a bit like this. I have to actively stop myself reading certain things otherwise it just upsets me too much. I suspect a lot of people are the same. I certainly think once you have children these things play on your mind more as you can’t help but imagine your own child experiencing these things and you appreciate how innocent and vulnerable children really are.

Yes. I'm the same. I find the news stories unbearable and they pop up up in my mind months and even years later.

I know. The one that really got me was the little one that starved to death cos his dad had a heart attack. I cried for days about that. I’m like you it really started to get to me after I had a child.

I don’t really have any advice. Maybe it gets easier when your children are older.

I don’t think it does, you just find different stories more upsetting. My Ds is a similar age to Max Dixon and Mason Rist who were stabbed to death with machetes by a gang in a case of mistaken identity when they stepped outside Masons front door to go for a pizza. I found myself utterly broken reading about that, the whole story is just terrible and I can’t help but feel it could easily happen to anyone their age.

The brain literally reconstructs when we become mothers, with certain areas (such as our empathy) becoming much more active.

Yes it's normal for stories involving children to feel closer to home and depending on how recently you became a mother, perhaps you're also in the throws of a lot of hormonal changes.

However, if a piece of news is keeping you up all night and you're uncontrollably teary, and feeling unable to cope with the prospect of returning to work, it sounds like it might be worth reaching out for some support from HV/GP, as you might unknowingly be suffering with PPD/PPA.

Yeah I really struggled since having mine. I can’t read the articles because it just haunts me.

I'm the same op. There was a particular news story a few years ago and my dc was the same age as the child who was murdered. I cried a lot when I read about it.

I've tried to avoid the articles, then I feel guilty that I can't even acknowledge what a child has been through.

I have exactly the same issue (although not kept up at night, but almost always tears reading/watching the stories). My little girl was in hospital at a couple of days old due to jaundice when all the Lucy Letby story was coming out. I sat there crying my eyes out looking at my little girl wondering how on earth anyone could bring harm to any child, never mind such small defenceless babies.

Madeleine McCann disappeared 3 days after DD was born

It still haunts me 17 years later because I was so emotional about it at the time and we still don't know what happened to her

I didn't take my DC abroad on holiday till they could both talk and understand how to be safe etc

I think it's normal. I avoid reading those things if I can, bearing in mind that my reading it will not help those poor children one bit. If I do read something, I end up consciously thinking, "I won't think about that, I'll think about this instead," over and over, which isn't perfect but does help for me.

We're not really made to deal with the level of horror we have available to us via modern media, IMO. Go back 500 years and you'd only know about things that happened locally. And while there were more deaths at a young age back then, most were due to illness or (less commonly, but still more commonly than today) accident, which isn't quite the same.

I think it's normal to draw more equivalency to your own life and children and for that to cause more of a reaction at the time. I don't think it's normal to stay awake all night sobbing about a child you never knew and have only read articles on.

Social workers, police office, people who work in SARCs etc, all have mothers in them, they don't have less empathy than you, they're just able to contextualise and compartmentalise it. It's something that we all have to learn to do.

It’s normal for the stories to affect you differently. Staying up all night crying is a different thing that perhaps you might want to talk to someone about.
I read an interview with a woman who ruminated a lot on all the things that could happen to a child. Her child did die, aged 5 or 6, of a danger she didn’t forsee and couldn’t have prevented. She said she feels now she wasted the time in her life that she was truly happy.

I used to do this. Especially when there was the war in gaza and videos of babies being blown apart/ limbs hanging off

It was really affecting my MH, I had to stop looking despite feeling so guilty for looking away.

Stop watching it.

Yes used to be a CP and CLA Social Worker. Definitely had PTSD and physical illnesses from all of the awful stuff I saw/dealt with. Changed career and recovered and then became a parent. Every story in the news makes me feel unwell for days now.

I have 3 dc and I don't get upset or avoid reading them, if anything I'm more likely to read them than before I had children. Before I had kids I just didn't have any interest or reference point and wouldn't have bothered reading the stories. There's a grim fascination and trying to picture my dcs at the same age as the children in the stories.

Also I've had a few friends and family unnecessarily harrassed by SS and I'm of the view that their caseloads are so full because they spend too much time on easy cases like theirs and shying away from more difficult cases, and each tragic case in the media backs that up.

Me too - as a mother these stories are unbelievably upsetting. On the one hand, knowing how unconditionally a child loves their parents regardless and how much they rely on them, to then be treated like that. And on the other hand I simply cannot fathom intentionally causing injury or harm to any child, let alone my own!! What is wrong with these people.

Equally, I've just had a breaking news notification about a two year year old killed in a hit and run. Just bloody awful and a week before Christmas too, those poor parents.