Overwhelmed & anxious 2nd time mum

[halion]

Any tips to help a knackered and guilt ridden mum? I am 6 weeks postpartum and have a 6 year old, we are muddling through ok but I have a constant feeling of guilt for not being able to give them both individually what they need. I feel constantly torn in two, then there's the house, the washing, the constant tidying up, dealing with the run up to Xmas, feeling under pressure to get back to exercise, overwhelming feeling to have everything perfect all of the time 😞 ... I feel forgotten about, I feel like friends and family have all got on with their lives & only bother when I get in touch or put photos or updates on social media, I just feel like an after thought.

I had a pph during labour & had to go under general anesthetic to remove tissue & part of the placenta, amongst lots of other issues after birth - I feel like I'm under pressure to bounce back. I don't feel like I am. I just feel.drained and I'm having some sort of delayed response to what I went through. I was frightened and don't think I ever felt so weak and ill afterwards.

Has anyone any tips or advice to at least try and feel better about the constant mum guilt I have. I just feel like an absolute failure 😞

As long as the kids and you are fed and clean, you’re doing well. Don’t worry about the rest.
Do you have family that you can ask for help? Someone to take the 6 year old out to do xmas stuff, even if just a walk in the dark to look at house lights?

I am also 6 weeks pp with a 3 yo who absolutely hasn't been getting enough outside time. The house is a bombsite. I have gifts from people which are unopened. Barely keeping on top of laundry and meals.

This is just how things are right now, but it won't always be like this. Remember it gets easier, slowly and surely. We are keeping our kids fed and warm, and sometimes that's all we need to do to succeed.

You have a 6 week old baby, just getting through the day is an achievement. Just because you’ve done it before doesn’t make it a piece of cake. Second time round the baby stuff might come more naturally but the balancing of their needs with your existing child and all that brings up is something you have to learn every time you have another child. And it will feel hard, you’ll be telling them to wait lots more. But your 6 year old is old enough to understand. And you sound like you’re putting a lot of pressure on yourself, I wouldn’t even be thinking about exercise, for example, at this point. Take each day at a time and it will get easier. Your baby’s routine will become more predictable with longer naps etc. as they get older and that becomes important time you can spend with another child, for example. 6 weeks in it’s still about survival, so try to go easy on yourself.

Solidarity, I'm also 6 weeks pp on my 3rd child with a toddler, I am NOT bouncing back I am exhausted and drained and not keeping on top of anything. I feel the same about friends and families getting on with their lives and feeling left behind.

We are in the trenches right now and this won't be forever, we will join everyone in the real world soon enough, but I think it's fine to accept we are struggling at the moment and that's okay. I think social media makes us feel as though we should be thriving and ecstatic which just makes us feel worse but its not real life.

Do the absolute minimum for xmas- just focus on your 6 year old, and still a couple of presents is absolutely fine. Forget external pressure- you've got enough going on

It's hard with two and you feel like you can never really give them both the individual attention they need. Sometimes I just remember that anyone with a sibling has been raised in a similar way without 100% attention and that's just life...

Don't feel like a failure- you're doing an amazing job in v hard circumstances when you're recovering and exhausted x

Oh and forget exercise for now!