When does it get a little better?

[Beadyeyes91]

Would appreciate some help or just to vent really.
We have a little boy. 14 months old. Very much planned and very much loved. He had silent reflux as a baby combined with CMPA which resulted in LOTS of crying from both of us and trips back and forth to the GP before getting to the root of the issue. Got baby gaviscon to help with the reflux and a dairy free prescription milk. We thought sleep would go hand in hand and would improve but it didn't. At 13 months old the health visiting team sent a sleep consultant out who advised to stop night feedings (something we had previously tried but failed at). He was awake every 2 to 3 hours to take an oz or 2. He was using the milk as a comfort as he doesn't take a dummy, teddy etc. So we successfully night weaned and got about 3 weeks of better sleep. Now we're back to square one and he's waking from 2am. Like this morning he woke SCREAMING at 2am and it took 2.5 hours to resettle only for him to sleep for another 1.5 hours and be up for the day. I feel it's important to note the sleep consultant I spoke to said in 33 years she has never met 2 parents who have invested physically, mentally and financially so much in their little ones sleep. I've tried all the usual things. White noise. Blackout blinds. Heating on a timer. Lots of food and drink and snacks throughout the day. I guess maybe I just thought with him realising we aren't doing milk during the night anymore that sleep would improve. I know he is still young and there are regressions, teething and a number of developmental factors but I'm really struggling. I find myself as much as I love him wishing I had never had a child. I find myself wishing his life away until he starts school even though every stage and age brings its own challenges. I am in the process of applying for a job I really want and hoping to start in January providing I pass the exams as I feel a part of it is that I want to get back to work and out of the monotony. He is at a private childminder who we love on a Monday and starting nursery on a Friday after the new year. My husband and I have no real family support. My mum is in her 70s and does what she can and my husbands parents live in England. We are in Scotland. It's also worth nothing my husband is out the house 14 hours a day 5 days a week working shifts and he is amazing when he is at home. I find even when my wee one is sleeping I can't switch off just waiting on him waking up. I've lost 5 stone in weight through sheer exhaustion. Guess I'm just looking for some solidarity. I debated posting this for days as am fearful people will think well this is what you signed up for etc and I know this but I just didn't expect to still feel in the trenches over a year down the line. Thanks for reading.

I’m sorry that sounds really hard, especially with the lack of support.

It won’t always be this hard. I don’t know when it will get easy but nursery will help a lot and and toilet training in a couple of years time will make it a lot easier. Just hang in there and take all the breaks you can get.

Hopefully nursery will tire him out a bit more. How many days would you be working?

@vincettenoir and I know that there's lots of people who don't have support and it's not anyone else's job blah blah blah before anyone tells me that 🤣 like I worry all the time there's something wrong despite him hitting all his milestones etc. I think he just doesn't like being a baby. He wants to be walking and talking and maybe a lot of it is frustration but the lack of sleep and early mornings make a long day for us. I've probably not been as honest in my post about some of the thoughts I have eg putting him up for adoption etc which I would NEVER do because when it comes down to it we both love him so much and noone else knows his little ways and likes and dislikes and it's not a quick fix and a decision I would probably regret for as long as I live etc.

@DustyLee123 I'd be working 4 days. Less than that isn't an option as you have to start full time and be in a few years before part time would be considered. It's actually the thought of going back to work in a job I've wanted to do for years that keeps me going.

It's so hard! I remember the exhaustion, my LO didn't sleep well at all until around 14m, and even then it was patchy at best! the worst thing was people kept saying at 3, 6, 9, 12 months it will get better- and then it didn't! I always felt like i was doing something wrong but the reality was that some babies are just not good sleepers! Hang in there, you are doing amazing, and when he is ready he will sleep, and you will sleep. And for the record at 3.5yrs it's a different story completely, solid 10-11hrs each night- so you will get there eventually.

Does he nap during the day? If so I would try to reduce that or cut it out altogether and see if it improves things. Sorry it’s so bad OP it sounds really tough

@Dramallama24 thank you for this! I feel like there's always an "excuse" like people will say oh its the 12 month regression and I'm like no he's always been a horrendous sleeper. I think if It was a regression it would be more do able but 14 months of constant broken, uninterrupted sleep just takes its toll. Did you do anything different at 14 months for your daughter to help her sleep? I cannot imagine doing anything else to aid sleep. We have tried it ALL!

@SquawkerTexasRanger he does. He was napping twice until recently but now only has one nap before lunch about 1 hour odds. I've tried increasing naps. Decreasing naps. It doesn't seem to make any difference. If he was napping for hours a day I would think we'll he's sleeping too much during the day but he's not which makes it so frustrating 😔

Have you explored / ruled out any medical red flags? The main two that spring to my mind would be adenoids/sleep apnea or iron deficiency. My 18 month old was a terrible sleeper, taking an hour to go off, restless, waking frequently, waking upset for an hour or more in the night. He was severely iron deficient (he was having too much cows milk and he’s also now being screened for coeliac). Have a look online about toddler sleep and iron deficiency, there are a few research papers. I was lucky my GP took me seriously and ordered the blood test. He’s on prescription supplements and is already sleeping so much better.

the other less “serious” potential cause might be teething. Next time he wakes upset for quite that long (an hour plus) you could try some calpol. If he sleeps, you’ll know it is pain related. We also taught our toddler to sign “ouch” (and more recently the word “hurt”) and he can now tell us whether his teeth are hurting.

@Leaf86 with regards to the pain issue we gave nurofen at 2:30am but didn't settle for another 2 hours so don't think it was pain related but I didn't state this in my post so sorry for any confusion!

I've spoken to the GP previously re sleep and he basically asked me to list everything I've tried and it took me 7 minutes. He didn't suggest bloods but this will probably be my next step. We've never had an issue getting him to sleep but when he wakes it's a gruelling process.