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Ex doesn't see DD, can I take her abroad?

4 replies

mrsbeetobe · 14/12/2024 01:22

For some background: my ex partner was psychologically abusive eg didn't speak to me when my baby was 6 weeks old because I said no to sex (hadn't even had my first period yet after birth!).

When the baby was 6 months old I ended it, he called SS instantly saying that he was concerned I wasn't keeping on top of things. They came to the house, saw it was fine and instantly saw through him. I told them everything he had done (there's a lot) and showed evidence via texts etc and she said she knew when she spoke to him that something was up. She had spoken to the HV before coming round who said he's abusive and on the SS report the HV stated that my baby seemed frightened when he was around (he threatened to get my amazing HV sacked because she visited once without him there!). The best thing he did was call SS because they wrote a report that included a safety plan - this said that the baby stays with me and if he wants to exercise his PR in any way he needs to go and seek legal advice. I was starting a new university course that year 6 months after this, both the SW and HV predicted he would be in touch at this time as they've seen guys like him a million times before. Sure as clockwork, the second week of my course I received a letter stating that he wanted to attend mediation. The HV got a local agency to reply on my behalf stating that due to the previous abuse, mediation isn't appropriate and he would need to go to court.

Ffwd 18 months on and I've not heard a thing from him, my now nearly 3 year old hasn't seen him since she was 6 months old as he haa not been in touch with a solicitor following the rejection of mediation.

I've booked a holiday for summer 2025 and my daughter has his last name. Getting in touch with him would go against my own safety plan. Would it be enough to take a copy of the safety plan with me to the airport with her birth certificate? I don't want to begin any court proceedings as we're so happy without him in our lives. And it would almost be pushing him in to court proceedings rather than him be a man and actually try and get in touch with his daughter (although I hope he doesn't - he is psychologically abusive to his other 2 daughters and I'm so grateful my daughter isn't being out through this).

What do I do about taking her abroad when the father was abusive and isn't in touch? (And where I'd prefer it stayed that way)

OP posts:
researchers3 · 14/12/2024 01:32

No you don't need to do anything.
Take a copy if it makes you feel happier though.
Does she have your surname?

mrsbeetobe · 14/12/2024 01:33

@researchers3 no she doesn't have my surname. Legally I need everyone's consent that has PR but he's not in contact, but how would they know this at the airport

OP posts:
Mermaidsarereal · 14/12/2024 04:56

No of course not, my DD has been no contact with her bio dad for around 6 years and we've been on multiple holidays (she has his surname) and I just take a copy of her birth certificate which obviously has my name on it. I've only ever had to show it once coming home from Spain as airport security asked to see it, I showed them it and explained our situation and he was fine with it.

lataraw · 14/12/2024 07:52

It's technically possible you would be stopped but it's pretty unlikely - and they'd let you come home anyway, worst case is they don't let you leave. But as I said, pretty unlikely

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