Please tell me it gets better! 3 year olds...

[Yuckyyuckyuckity]

Not sure if I'm looking for advice, reassurance or just solidarity but god I'm finding my nearly 3.5 year old DD tough. When she's in a good mood she's just the most lovely girl, but when she goes into threenager mode it's so difficult, or maybe I'm just not handling it very well. Lots of defiance, whinging and loud fake crying when she doesn't get her own way. These aren't even full blown tantrums which in a way are easier to deal with because they generally blow over pretty quickly (well hers did) and most of the standard regulating tactics work, whereas they don't with the whinging. She's a very articulate girl but is now becoming quite rude at times. We model good behaviour as much as possible but tbh I have to admit I have developed quite a short temper with her recently. I don't want this to become worse so I'm trying to learn how to handle things better.

Please tell me it gets better as they get closer to 4?! She's only like this with me and DH (and occasionally her grandma, but just the whining not the rudeness). At nursery she's such a happy, cheerful girl and they've not seen any challenging behaviour.

I'm hoping what I'm describing is not outside the realms of normal and that ifs just typical three year olds pushing boundaries?!

It is normal. Solidarity. My 3.3 year old had been exactly like this today. It’s the not listening that’s driving me up the wall, he will literally still be doing the thing I’m asking him not to do as I’m saying it. Today was ‘please don’t throw all your pen lids on the floor, they get lost and the pens go dry. If you do it again I’ll put the pens away’ ‘ok mummy, I won’t do that anymore’ throws pen lid on floor

pens are taken away, wailing ensues at the injustice of it 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

I will say I think he’s getting a bit overwhelmed at all the things we’ve got planned in the run up to Christmas and the expectation to ‘be good’. From tomorrow I’m not going to tell him about any treats/events until they’re actually about to happen.

Same. I found 3 so much worse than 2- all that 'terrible two's' rhetoric led us into a false sense of security thinking it was almost over.

It does get a bit easier- my son calmed down a little from 4. Although bear in mind it is December at and there may be also of pent up excitement at play too! That's a great idea about not sharing plans too early. Hang in there!

Normal, mine only really settled down after 5 and still has her moments. Just try to stay calm and hold those boundaries. But you have my sympathy, it’s bloody exhausting and frustrating.

Terrible twos…. F’ing awful fours…. And you can’t distract them in the same way.
Screens make this behaviour much worse - still don’t understand why
this is normal. It will get easier

I actually thought two was a walk in the park, he was so sweet 😭

He knows how to behave but it’s the choosing not to that winds me up. He will say ‘mummy just tell Santa not to come, I don’t need anymore toys’ to pre-empt any kind of sanction I might make when he’s not doing what I ask and then using it as carte blanche to be naughty 😩😂

It is mostly fine and manageable but asking him not to do something for the 105th time because it’s not safe/will make a mess is so tedious. He fell over 3 times in Aldi yesterday because I kept asking him not run in the aisles as he might… wait for it…. Fall over 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

We are due to be on the Polar Bloody Express from Euston in a few hours and six months ago I’d have trusted him to be an absolute angelic sweetheart for such a big treat, now I fear I’ll be tempted to leave him with the elves.

They say terrible 2s! They were a breeze compared to the terrible 3s.

My 2 dd are now 4 and 5, it's so much easier. My 5 year old is lovely now, don't get me wrong she has her moments but nothing compared to the younger one.
My 4 year old is just coming out of that stage so she's starting to calm down a lot more now

My boy turned 3 in September and he is such a handful at the moment, pushing boundaries, the fake crying, sleep has gone to hell, just as his little sister has started sleeping through 🙄

God yes, I can provide plenty of solidarity to you OP!! What you say is totally normal (unfortunately!). My 3 year old can be a bloody beast sometimes, flipping from an absolute sweetheart little girl, to a full blown diva. All you can do is be consistent and keep modelling good behaviour. I relate to the short temper though as she can really try my patience sometimes, but I've never subscribed to the 'Mary Poppins' view of motherhood - it's ok to lose your shit occasionally, it's about how you speak to her afterwards and how you 'repair' (Philippa Perry is very good on this if you have a spare second to look her up). And actually I've found my DD seeing my limits helpful as she starts the process of understanding that what she does and how she behaves matters and has an impact on others. I'm hoping things improve, but I've unfortunately heard 4 year olds can be worse 😱😱😱

Ah I was worried MN would make me feel like a terrible parent but this is making me feel a lot better! I agree that terrible 2's were a breeze compared to the 3's. @sexnotgenders totally with you on the not being Mary Poppins thing but unfortunately I've found myself losing my shit a bit too often in recent weeks, it's tough as I also have a baby DS and I think a lot of it stems from my own lack of sleep.

I almost feel guilty at writing my OP yesterday because today she's been an absolute dream girl so far.

Very much hoping things improve in the next few months. I do agree screen time makes a difference, I don't think she watches excessive amounts of TV but some days it's definitely more than I'd like.

4-11 are the best years imo. 14-17 are the worst!!

You're doing the frightful frees. They were awful.

Can I ask when this started for everyone? My eldest is 2yrs 9 mths and he has suddenly developed more attitude than I've ever faced off another human before. 😅 Not sure if it's terrible threes hitting early or a delayed reaction to becoming a big brother a few months ago!

I could have written your post OP. My DD is 3.5 years old and is same. She was so well behaved entire summer holiday that at one point I thought of keeping her at home with me more than preschool. then she was still well behaved for about a month after preschool started in September and then everything went down the sh*thole. when she is good, she is a lovely child, but when things doesn't go her way, she gets aggressive. I talked to her school manager and they all said that she is always a good child in school,no complaints ever however the manager also told me that they have special needs boy in school who is little challenging so she might be picking up his behaviour. I have also noticed that She has been picking up behaviour at school since it started in September. I really hope it gets better soon.

Probably glimmers of it around that age yeah, but tbh the full brunt of it started the very week she turned 3!

Yup solidarity. Twos were a breeze and thought we’d gotten off lucky but threes are something else!

2 was easy. I didn’t know why everyone complained about toddlers. They are adorable little bundles at that age.

Good job age 3 was waiting in the wings to teach me a lesson or two eldest is 4.5 and it’s maybe calming down a bit? Defiance and need for control and whinging are still quite prominent though I have to say, although there is much less in the way of full blown screaming tantrums.

My son is 4 tomorrow and honestly the months leading up to three and a couple of months afterwards were so calm, drama free … we did have a really rocky twos so I thought ah … it gets easier.

Then threenager hit with a vengeance. So defiant and at times rude - I don’t expect perfect manners at this age but snatching things I’d offered to him, shoving to get past, arguing, defiance (NO mummy) laughing at me, not giving an eff for any consequences.

It did calm down around 3 and eight / nine months and he’s nice now mostly. We have moments but I’d expect that anyway of course. Hang in there - it’s not you!

This is my 3 year old DD, and she'll be 4 in less than 2 months! Luckily I know from older DD that it passes! It's a HARD stage though. The tantrums are a piece of work!

Same age DD here.....give me back my two year old any day!!

So normal but yeah 3 year olds can be hard work for sure!
My eldest was 3 years 9 months when youngest was born and by then she was good as gold really, had mostly grown out of tantrums.
My youngest always had more of a temper but she definitely had grown out of "threenager " behaviour by age 4/ starting preschool kind of age

I think it is all to do with a mismatch between body and brain. At 2-4 they want to do so much but their communication, physical skills, and lack of control etc makes it hard. That is when the tantrums, defiance, etc all happen. Unfortunately I think the same happens in puberty!

Yes, it gets much better. Ages 6-12 are amazing.

My first started tantrums around 18mo and always had a very strong personality, very strong willed. I braced myself for terrible 2s and she wasn't easy but we found ways to calmly ride the storms (most of the time).
But oh my fucking God when she turned 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's like we hit a wall in the face at 100m/h. I had just fallen pregnant, had terrible sciatica and pregnancy sickness and she had just turned in the most outrageous 3yo I'd ever met. It's been extremely intense and difficult and I have lost my shit, and cried and tried to repair more than I'd like to admit. She's now 4.2yo and it's starting to calm down, as in we don't have extreme meltdowns every day now, maybe every 2-3days and it seems like we manage to ride those storms again (while before, she would just escalate and escalate and escalate, just no end in sight).
I'm sure I'll change my mind in 10 years time, but so far, I truly hated the 3yo stage. I had read somewhere that, at 3 they're like "little scientists" who are just trying to make sense of the world and push boundaries etc. but fuck me, I actually really hated it! It was like the bond with our child was completely broken overnight, she wouldn't do anything we'd say (and I mean anything, even play, watch something, sing, fun stuff), no way to make any kind of plan for the day (getting out of the house would take 2-3h), everything would turn to absolutely mayhem at the 1st hurdle, it was grinding.
We've only just stated to get out the other end, or so I hope...