Positive stories about suicidal dc who managed to get through it to adulthood please

[Haggisfish3]

Hello
DD is 14 and is suicidal. She hasn't made a serious attempt on her life but has cut herself and made plans. We have been to a and e and had brilliant mental health liason teams who referrred us to cahms. This has happened three times Cahms crisis team say they are not the appropriate people to help as she needs to build a regular relationship with one person, whcih I understand. they have referred her for online DBT to help her understand and cope with her extremes of emotion. But nothing other than that. no named keyworker, no counsellor, no psychiatrist to actually assess if she has OCD/personality disorder/ASD. Every time they say she isn't eligible for crisis team she interprets that as she's not 'bad enough' and will ramp it up. I am so frustrated and feel like I'm banging my head on a brick wall.

Cahms are sympathetic. My daughter is very frustrating - she's not entirely sure she wants to get better and feels she needs to be very ill to be worthy of treatment.

She has very good insight into her behaviour and she knows she can be manipulative at times (no more so than your average teen) but she thinks this makes her an awful person and she doesn't like herself.
Can I have some positive stories of young people getting better, or can anyone suggest any help I could seek out for her? We already paid a CAHMS psychiatrist to assess her privately, but they said she was too complex and couldn't say how long it would take and thus how much more we would have to pay.
It's so incredibly frustrating.

Any responses appreciated. I'll add this to the mental health board as well.

I’m sorry oP😔

Ive no information of use but I’m sorry for the worry and pain.

So sorry to hear this, must be so worrying and frustrating at the lack of services. And your poor daughter. presume she is on the waitlist for mainstream CAMHS? although the wait times are terribly long but you’d hope she’s been somewhat prioritised due to risk. Wondering if you could afford a private clinical psychologist to see her for therapy sessions (although expensive, eg £125ph).
is she attending school?
Calm Harm is a good free app to manage self harm urges.

My DS said he was suicidal a great deal between 14 and his mid 20s. He still finds life v hard. We found a private counsellor who specialised in teens, who was great for several years. Then DS had a melt down with him and walked out never to return. DS imo is undiagnosed autistic/adhd - I was diagnosed adhd five years ago and DS refuses to have an assessment, but we are two peas in a pod.

He's alive and finds things that give him interest and pleasure but life is very hard for him and I worry about his future a lot. He does still talk about suicidal as an option. But he's borne a huge amount of misery and real suffering, without actually taking that action. So far. It's the most hideous worry and anguish and you have my huge sympathy. Just keep telling her how wonderful she is as a person and keep trying to find things she can get excited or happy or engaged with.

I was self harming at 14, overdosed several times at 15, cut my wrists at 18. That was my last serious sucide attempt although I was depressed through my late teens and 20s, and I dropped in and out of education and never established a career. Diagnosed autistic age 32. I suspect adhd too.

The positive bit is that I'm now 45 and have a fairly mundane life, married with 2 young dc, and pretty happy with my lot. I've had various forms of therapy and NHS help over the decades, but apart from the financial and practical side (get enhanced PIP) I don't feel that it actually helped fwiw. I've just muddled through on my own.

The only advice I can give is to throw money at it if you are able - NHS MH services have always been dire ime, and it seems that they are far worse now. But to stay within the NHS and other systems because the paper trail is valuable evidence for any kind of statutory support, including benefits, exam concessions, housing, carer support.

Thank you for your reply. i'm glad you are able to live a mundane life! As you get older you realise how precious that actually is. I hadn't considered that we might be able to claim some sort of benefit for her - I shall look into this pronto.

Hello, just reaching out to say its so worrying and the system is on its knees. I've been supporting a family member for nearly two decades who started around the same time which sounds terrifying but we know so much more, things are getting better and obviously shes still here and while she has very difficult times of crisis, shes married with a job and a good life.

You do not have to answer anything publicly and feel free to PM me.

• Is there any pattern (peaks and troughs) to the mental health illness, even if it is bad all the time. You mentioned her being self aware, can you get her to keep a log?

For us there was childhood trauma so we assumed that but actually that was hugely exacerbated by a hormone imbalance that starts in puberty. Pmdd. The stats are horrific but there are great strides. It can peak a week/ few days before her period but before we understood she lived the whole month with dread. We now work with an amazing team but is private. I can pm details.

There's a huge number of physical issues that can contribute to mental health crisis.

For looking at other ways to support, really recommend the book, the body keeps the score. We took a lot from it in terms of other methods of therapy.

2 years ago my dd then 15 took an overdose twice 3 months apart. Police talked her off a bridge one time. Another a passer by rang 999. She insisted nothing was wrong. Sat in cahms hardly speaking... She is now 5 months pregnant to a new bf. She seems more balanced than ever. Obviously I am a bag of nerves.. She will be 18 when the baby arrives. I hope heby have lots of support available... For us blooming all...

I'm sorry OP, its a very hard thing to watch a child you love going through such pain.

My DN will turn 18 in a few months. She began self harming at 13 and made multiple suicide attempts when she was 14 and 15, as well as using increasingly distressing self harm methods.

She is a bright and determined girl (soon woman!) which made keeping her safe incredibly challenging, when she was turning that determination against herself.

Eventually she had private, residential treatment in the country where my they then lived. Of course the treatment helped but also the realisation (through being in a hospital) that she was ill, not a bad person.

They are back in our home country now, she is doing really well. We are still careful to support her and she can get anxious but in a very manageable way. She is using that determination for positive things now, for her creativity and studies and friends.

Please consider how you can access support for yourself as well, the years of watching and fearing took such a toll on my DSiS and DBIL. Take care x

Yes. DD was cutting and overdosing at 15, preceded by food restriction.

She's 26 now, she took a first from Cambridge and teaches English at Secondary level. Form teacher to Y11. She has outside interests and a lovely boyfriend.

She hid it from us for six months, and the extent of it. CAMHS declined services except for group therapy. She was very anxious and had become depressed.

We found a consultant psychiatrist specialising in adolescents. She hadnsome counselling and was then put on anti-depressants. She also had a full health screening which identified low vitamin D and iron. Counselling and therapy continued for a year with a shirt course of day patient drama and music therapy. After a year she was assessed for ADHD and ASD. She has ADHD and some ASD traits but not enough for a diagnosis. The ADHD was medicated. She has had a lot of therapy and also now a diagnosis of dyspraxia and hypermobility.

As soon as the ADHD diagnosis was confirmed so many pennies fell into place and with hindsight she had always been anxious. No issue was ever picked up at school. She masked well and was high performing. The pressure of juggling 11 GCSE's where she was expected to get A*s became too much. Not from us.

We found there was zero NHS support. CAMHS were hopeless and at our second encounter when the ADHD had been diagnosed a supposedly experienced CAMHS nurse told us she was too old to get a diagnosis of ADHD. Our GP told us to get her a therapist off the Internet.

Fortunately she was covered by BUPA which picked up about £10k of £20k of costs.

Provision of MH care for young people is an absolute scandal and had we not had the money, I doubt dd would have recovered as well and made as much of herself. It's heartbreaking.

If you can, I'd remortgage. If you can't, you need to get your MP involved.

Finally, it really isn't a usual expectation that teenagers are manipulative.

If you look for private therapy looknfkr provision under an umbrella organisation like Relate or some of the other charities.

I had a troubled phase from about 14-19. Self harm, drinking too much, reckless behaviour with lads (and men) and other stuff. Largely kept it hidden from my parents (it was the 90s) but felt very very depressed. Hated myself and couldn't tolerate being myself. On the flip side, I did very well at my GCSEs and A Levels. I overdosed twice but took about 12 paracetamol which made me feel sick and heartburn tablets which were not fatal. I only got better when I took myself to the doctors at 19 and got prescribed Prozac. I'm mid 40s now and still on antidepressants- it's been a lifelong battle but I've outwardly always been very high functioning- good job, good mum etc.

I haven't self harmed since my early 20s but I still had periods of very reckless behaviour involving drink,nights out and men. This slowed down as I got older but I still had a couple of instances last year.

I don't know why I am this way. Had a stable childhood with loving parents. Counselling was never any use. CBT more useful.

I think hormones played a big part for me as the self loathing and depression started around the time of my periods. I'd actually been a really happy kid. I still think there's something a bit broken inside myself but I'm also much more self compassionate these days and recognise I do have strengths and flaws like everyone else. I still struggle with always having to present a strong functional mask to everyone and hate admitting I'm struggling. It's always been like there's two versions of me- the strong functional funny sociable me and the wounded vulnerable self loathing me. It does get exhausting.

Sending strength and best wishes to you and your kids OPz

To add, I've always had issues with food and my weight. Massive yo yo dieter- ranged from size 10 to 20. Had period of bingeing/making myself sick, using drugs and cigarettes to control my weight etc. I still struggle massively but try to do it in a healthier way by attending a slimming group.

The only thing that helped my son at a similar age was an ADHD diagnosis, antidepressants & a private psychiatrist.
No amount of counselling helped, but talking to the doctor was immensely helpful. Camhs were worse than useless. In fact positively harmful & I wouldn't recommend them to anyone.
I would be very wary of in-hospital treatment as well.
The good news is at 18 ds is on much more of an even keel & is attempting to come off the antidepressants.