Please help. Toddler bed time

[Geo45]

We have a 2.5 year old who refuses to stay in bed unless going to bed with me. If we try to put him in bed he just keeps coming out into the living room to find us (even if we carry him back to bed 50+ times).

The result is that my partner and I are in different rooms. I share with my toddler. And he either goes to bed very late, or I go to bed very early. Either way I get no evening.

This is really getting me down as I feel like we are getting it so wrong but I equally have no idea how to fix it.

I'm always so confused when people talk about getting their toddlers to bed at 7/7.30 etc. I don't understand how the rest of the world seems to be doing this.

Please, does anyone have similar experience or advice?

He knows it's worth getting up 50 times as you give in and bring him into bed in the end. Get all his comforts set up, teddies etc, tell him mummy and daddy sleep in their bed and he sleeps on his. Then take him back to bed 500 times if that's what it takes. A few nights of that will crack it. Take him back, kindly but firmly, until he stops getting up. Minimal interaction. Just back to bed. No more naps if he still has any.

Don't bring him in your bed. You have to be more stubborn than him by a lot.

Baby gate on the door. It doesn't sound like he's tired enough - he should fall asleep within about fifteen mins of getting into bed so I'd look at your schedule too. The baby gate means that he loses some of the excitement of coming down to find you. He'll stand and shout at the gate, and you'll go up and calmly say it's bedtime and pop him back to bed, but no mucking about coming up and down the stairs for him any more.

This is why my 2.3 year old still has an extra high guard on his bed🤭 I'm dreading when it's got to come off😬

Thanks really appreciate the responses. I agree with the comment too that he isn't tired enough. On the weekends and days at home we have cut out the nap but they still let all nap at nursery. I wonder if I might try to get him up earlier on those days. Good idea too with the baby gate.

I will try again at being firmer.

He doesn't seem to need a lot of sleep.

Or take him to the park or something after nursery for a run around. This age is a funny transition with naps. You'll crack it, good luck x

You are not alone. Lots of children do not like sleeping alone. Lots of adults don’t either!!!

My DS was like this at the same age. We tried everything, but ultimately gave up and co-slept. Generally DH or I would lie with him till he fell asleep, then leave and have our evening, then I would get back in with him about 10pm (otherwise he would wake in early hours) is this something that could work for you?

I drove myself to distraction worrying about it. I wish I hadn’t. Co sleeping is the norm in many parts of the world and I wouldn’t change it in hindsight.

DS is 5 now and is a much better sleeper - but would still co-sleep if given the chance!!!

Tell nursery not to let him nap?

Since mine was 2.5 we tried no nap at nursery but she fell asleep eating dinner at 4/4.30pm.

She is now asked if she wants a nap - sometimes she says no, sometimes yes but this is capped to 30mins. Days she doesn't nap make for a nice 7-7.30pm asleep

She naps maybe 30% of the time at nursery, hasn't Napped at home for months unless in the car at a set time/duration