How to get two toddlers to sleep in same room

[Fortheloveofgodgotobedpleasenow]

Hello. After advice please, from anyone who has two toddlers who sleep in the same room! Slightly desperate, please be kind.

Somewhere along the way I've lost sight of how to get my kids to bed and it's now an utter shitshow, with neither children getting to sleep often before 9.30pm. One is nearly 2, and the other is 3.5.

The issue is that they just fight sleep.

I make sure they are active beforehand. And they enjoy the routine itself - teeth / pyjamas / read / fun and cuddles / and then... it's chaos. Absolutely no listening to me, getting out, crying, opening their door and 'childproof' gate, fighting each other...

I am a (gently) authoritative parent and have absolutely no issues with them listening to me most of the time. It's just bed time. And it wasn't always like this. It has just... happened over time. A combination of me being bone tired / husband got into habit of rocking or singing to sleep / then they slept with me because they actually slept earlier... so this is all of our own making I'm aware. But now I can't see the wood for the trees and how to undo some of the things that happened out of desperation!

I probably need to put the younger one down first, but she's at that age where she gets FOMO so even if I do, she'd stay awake until the older one is ready anyway. They have floor beds too (felt like a good idea at the time, promoting independence and all that! Oh how I rue that day), so when the older one is ready, the younger one climbs into her bed and torments her. I've tried different bedtimes, staying in the room as they transition to sleep, leaving them and checking in every 5 minutes. I don't mind them crying, but I can't leave them to fight, and anyway they now know how to escape the room so that's pointless too.

Any tips to help me? Short of putting them in different rooms which is not an option, I can't work out what to do. I need to either make them more tired, or make them love sleeping again.

Help :(

Have they both dropped their nap? I do twinkle twinkle with both of mine in bed, then 3.5 year old lies in his bed and I cuddle 1.5 year old to sleep. Older one usually falls asleep first. Also in floor beds. If that doesn't work I'd put one of them back in your room until they are a bit older.

My toddlers are exactly the same age and my youngest is still in a cot, it would be a shit show otherwise. Can you try that?

Sounds like this is an ingrained habit for them now. Could you try changing the routine, a complete reset. I'd be tempted to involve them with setting the routine and maybe use a visual timetable so they have some ownership over it.
My kids have a Yoto player and will sometimes lie in bed listening to a story or some music before bed. That might also be worth a try and a good incentive/reward for staying in bed.

They both nap at nursery, although the older one doesn't on weekends. And I did that for a while, lying with the youngest, but there's a bit of jealousy and / or emotional angst going on, so the oldest wants to be with me. Same goes for putting one in my room - the other one was getting distressed at being left out, hence me bringing both in! A

Argh. It's such a mess of emotions and habits to unpick. Honestly, all my parenting skills just fly out of the window, not helped by still being just knackered after the two under two and when it gets to bed time I am often more tired than they are 😆

I'm tempted to. I think that might be the best compromise actually. Have been reluctant to until now because I thought it might be confusing but perhaps until she's just a year older... thanks for your comment :)

I can try that. Have been thinking of a Yoto anyway, and with Xmas coming up...!

The incentive thing... Will try that approach. They're both wonderful but bloody strong willed and day times are often navigating the 'have you got your listening ears on' dance with some consequences. But giving them some autonomy over setting their routine may help, and an incentive to stay in will help the older one I think. The youngest won't really get that yet, and can often be the instigator, so maybe that's where the crib comes into it.

Hmmmm. Thanks ladies. Food for thought. Appreciate you all!

Just thought I'd update for anyone who finds this, and for the three of you who replied. I did as you all suggested (with the exception of getting a crib). But I've involved them even more, and I now play music to help them to sleep, and I stay in the middle of the room so they can't get out of bed to torment one another. It's slowly slowly working. I'm doing it too instead of the husband (which is another story) but this is working because I'm just more gentle and calmer but firmer. They grumble but they're settling and it's so much nicer. Soon they'll get the message I think and I won't need to stay the whole time. Anyway. Thanks - your replies just helped to recalibrate my foggy mind!

Adult personalities matter more than many parents think. One parent may be better at getting them to eat nicely, the other may be better at getting them to sleep.

Glad it is getting a bit easier for you! Thanks for letting us know.