How does ADHD present in girls?

[Dayandnightloop]

Hi,

I’m really hoping for some advice on whether this is ‘normal’ behaviour or if my gut instinct that something isn’t quite right should be listened to.

DD is 6. She was a terrible sleeper from birth, we almost lost our minds with it. Hours awake in the night, never napped for longer than 27 minutes, took ages to fall asleep. She still has periods where she’s awake for 2-3 hours overnight but she doesn’t disturb us as much. When she wakes up she’s ON. She was a very early walker and talker.

She doesn’t react too much to being told off, embarrassment or shame. A TA at school has picked up on this. She also doesn’t react when friends hurt themselves/fall over (though she does comfort younger DD very empathetically when she’s hurt). She can become very angry, very quickly, sometimes still having meltdowns in front of peers. She also finds it almost impossible to settle and play at something, preferring to rearrange the interiors of the room or disturb younger DD’s play. She’s generally restless, rather than hyperactive.

She struggles with processing of time concepts and remembering things. Telling her the Christmas fair is on Saturday doesn't seem to mean anything to her, until she’s walking into the Christmas fair. Likewise, the routine of the week hasn’t sunk in. She can seem a bit slow to catch onto things her peers are talking about, almost a bit naive or distanced from reality sometimes. I can’t explain it any clearer than that.

She’s academically able and has friendships and is wonderful in every aspect, but her differences are starting to show more obviously. She’s slow to warm but able to communicate and she does show excellent empathy when watching films and with younger DD. It’s just in some situations it doesn’t seem to process.

I’m prepared to be told this all sounds normal, but she has a younger DD who has been very different from day dot. There’s almost certain ADHD in the family that’s waiting for a diagnosis and we’re naive to how it presents in young children.

Hopeful bump

It doesn't sound too extreme but maybe something to just keep an eye on?

The sleep patterns don't sound 'normal', have you spoken to a doctor about it?

Even if she was diagnosed, what would you want to do about it? The times when it's really important to have a diagnosis and medication/therapy are if it's impacting learning and relationships. It doesn't sound like that at this stage but perhaps it's something to keep watching.

Having no concept of time and days/weeks is very normal at this age. I teach this age. A few kids are very conscious of what's happening when and are quite organised but most just wait to be told by the adults in their lives.

The meltdowns aren't great and would be less commonly seen but I don't think that's particularly an ADHD thing.

Does her teacher have any concerns?

My daughter has just been referred for an assessment. She's 8.
She has difficulty getting to sleep but ok once off.
The restlessness and rearranging sounds familiar.
We have general bonkerness too, so do feel we have the hyperactivity part. Lots of wriggling and falling off chairs. Very much ants in pants.
Toilet issues
School problems with carelessness with school work, quite a bright kid but needs TA help.

You know your own kid - I've had a gut instinct since DD was about 4.

I'd look into autism too if I were you, they often go hand in hand and I believe one can mask the other. Girls can be good maskers anyway.

Dd has had an adult diagnosis of ADHD. She was nothing like you describe in terms of sleep. She loved her bed, no problem sleeping. She was an early talker but a late walker, although that is more than likely due to her having Ehlers Danlos. Very empathetic. Never in trouble at school and very high achieving academically (she's a doctor). However, she was always fidgety with hands and feet moving the whole time. She never stopped talking and she was the most disorganised, ditzy child imaginable (and still is) in general life. With important stuff (academics, catching planes etc) she is very organised. She was always great at imaginative play and could concentrate but she was really for the birds a lot of the time.

The problem is, the classic, textbook ADHD is based on typical male presentation and girls present very differently. If you feel something is wrong, pursue a diagnosis. It is very validating to know that the things you do differently are not because there is something wrong with you but rather because of a neuro divergence. I was diagnosed later in life and it is really great to be able to explain so many things.

It is quite common for people with high achieving ADHD to burn out as the compensatory mechanisms can be exhausting so while dd is not on meds at the moment, she is aware they are available if it becomes too much.

There's some good resources here
https://www.adhdfoundation.org.uk/resources/

Your DD sounds similar in many ways to my 6yr old ds who has recently had a combined diagnosis of ADHD and ASD.

@melchim would you want to know if you're child had a treatable, life-long condition which significantly impacts a large part of their brain. A condition which, unmanaged, makes them much more likely to end up with teenage pregnancies, addictions, sti's, going to prison, having me tal health problems, committing suicide, being long term unemployed? There's some good basic training for teachers on ADHD on the Creative Education website.

Thank you so much. I’d given up on this post getting responses.

I haven’t spoken to a doctor because I’m worried they’ll just laugh me out the office. Whatever it is, it’s pretty subtle, but I do worry the emotional dysregulation and doziness - what else to call it?? - is becoming more noticeable to her peers.

The school have only mentioned her passivity when being told off and the lack of reaction when a friend fainted recently. She just carried on eating her lunch!

I think a diagnosis is of enormous value if there is something there for all the reasons @OchonAgusOchonOh and @User0ne say. It would be so validating for her as she grows and I’m sure help us parent her in more supportive ways. I’ll take a look at that website.

Sorry I didn't phrase it very well, but what I meant was to think through what you'd hope to happen by getting a diagnosis, such as medication, therapy and so on to help clarify your thoughts and perspective.

I've been diagnosed with it myself as an adult and have an older teen who's also been diagnosed and spent time as a hospital inpatient due to the associated mental health issues. I've also taught many students with ADHD diagnoses, medicated and unmedicated.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Understanding-ADHD-Girls-Women/dp/B091B6RHZX/ref=sr_1_5?crid=1SXX3L1W2CZIB&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.t51GGhfWcjTez4KjzVbNFyan3tpuydWzmy0-L1fhnlHaIHaqm6Hbl8DlFK9U7uQ9ecc_kJ5ccmtNq4ZfaLu20AQAD2u0RwzQkNRc4WCPxucuzPg2UDB7gl14313Rvk-b4aZ1Et9VHZIhAgBtpuTh2XE530A2MhR6tvzArFJz4p3cyD3OqzOmY5lXu4dOp-cVEBsJYmRbnWz55mg12VKicPg1NyjOIVIKIOyZAQj9L_A.Y7WGXXWOS-vUT5w4U0a_rJy4HYY9OpqSndLHLPYdYiI&dib_tag=se&keywords=adhd+in+women+and+girls&nsdOptOutParam=true&qid=1734085451&sprefix=adhd+in+women+and+girls%2Caps%2C100&sr=8-5

This book helped me