It's a MIL one

[SparklingJoyous]

I have a 5 month old DD
My partner and MIL are very much 'let children have rough and tumble' because it's how they learn to deal with the world etc. I agree to some extent
MIL went swimming with DD (we go weekly) and we went to an unstructured session. It's usually just partner and MIL but I decided to go along this time. They've been a few times together. MIL had DD and basically tilted her head half way so all the water went in her mouth, she started spluttering and probably swallowed some water. I felt I couldn't say anything because she made it seem like an accident? But then she did it again later on. Am I overreacting? I spoke to partner afterwards he said she does this every session that she's there! Sure get DD used to dunking but deliberately letting water get in her mouth?! I don't understand.
There's other things as well but how would you handle this and other behaviours that could allow DD to get hurt?
For context apparently my partner as a toddler used to throw his head back on a concrete floor until he passed out as a behavioural thing, this and other things are just laughed off when they're brought up. Apparently he's eaten soap, dog food, because he was unattended etc. I don't want to parent like this!

She's your daughter and if anyone is doing anything with her/to her that you're uncomfortable with, you have every right to say something and take her back!

I have an 11 month old and I used to feel exactly the same and physically have to sit on my hands to stop me grabbing him off people. Now I'm more confident and say something because it's about their safety at the end of the day. Hurting in-laws feelings is way below the safety of your child in terms of priorities.

I also think rough and tumble should be from at least toddler stage, not a fragile 5 month old!! I also wouldn't want my baby swallowing chlorine water with whatever else is floating in there.

I hope you have the confidence in future to speak up. I know what it's like unfortunately. Good luck!

What on earth?! I wouldn't leave my child unattended with a mother who had let their child smack his head until he passed out.

The issue is your partner not agreeing with you, not your mil

I get the whole rough n tumble,” they’ll only do it once” approach, i do it myself sometimes, like when they are learning to walk letting them fall a few times helps them to realise and correct balance (obviously in a safe area where they won’t hurt themselves) but i wouldn’t allow this, it is endangering without any benefit, not only could it possibly go wrong and baby inhales water but how many germs are in public pools 🤮 i think you need to stand up for your baby and tell MIL to stop, and if it continues then she can no longer take baby to swimming sessions, but you would need your partner on board to supervise MIL and make sure she doesn’t do it if you aren’t gonna be there everytime xx

That's abuse. How would she like to be dunked underwater and forces to swallow chlorine water?

You're a better person than me because if I was you, she would have been answering that very question.

5 years old maybe, 5 months old, not a chance in hell would I leave my baby with this person. Your DH needs to step up here and tell his mother this isn’t safe or acceptable.

I'd hit the roof, your child. I'd be having words!

You are the MOTHER. She has zero say in your child's upbringing.

This is the woman who let her kid bash his head on concrete.

Find your anger and your no.

She's not safe round your child.

Are you afraid of her?

Time to put your foot down now or this will just get worse.

Don’t let MIL go to swim lessons without you present

What is it she’s trying to achieve? I’ve seen people dunk their babies but they usually fully submerge them and go under too don’t they? To get them used to the idea of going underwater before they’re old enough to freak or something? I don’t fancy a whole load of piss and chlorine going in the little mouth for one but this technique of MILs seems to be neither one thing or another, unless I’ve misunderstood.

If you do it correctly, babies of that age have a reflex to close their mouth and you can teach them to cope with falling into the water. The first step is splashing a little water in the baby's face.
There are baby swimming classes you can go to which are really good.
No I wouldn't be happy about the way she was doing it either. She's your daughter your choice.

It being your MIl who's doing this is irrelevant. Whoever is doing this needs telling. Totally unacceptable. Speak up, you should be doing,baby is yours.

Stop blaming your MIL. She isn't alone with your child, her Dad is with her and this is where you clearly have different parenting approaches. He thinks this is acceptable and you need to talk to him about it, not her.

Swimming pool water is never hygienic, I took mine swimming from being 12 weeks old, they definitely swallowed water. You take a risk every time you go to be honest.

Speak to your partner about it, explain how you feel. But please stop blaming your MIL.

There's a reason who recommends sterilising bottles dummies etc before 6 months... Perhaps could this be the way of approaching the situation?
Water splashing in the face different from swallowing pool water

You need to stop being so passive.

She is your daughter, if you don't agree with something, say it.

No way would I be okay with someone doing that to my 5months old.

I do think your partner should be intervening as well though. Why is he okay with that?

Hi OP
This is bonkers and an incredibly cavalier attitude of your MIL
I wouldnt let my MIL care for my 5 month old baby who behaves like that
Chlorinated water is horrible, if she drinks too much she will likely vomit too
Your partner experienced neglectful parenting but seems unaware of it
I think I would suggest he attends some basic parenting and safety classes
Babies who fall and hit their heads on concrete end up with fractured skulls and a cerebal bleed which can lead to convulsions so not a great upbringing or experience
Protecting your baby from harm and keeping her safe is your priotrity here

Eh? It was the MIL who did it. Yes her DH should have stopped her, but why is the MIL blame free?

Rough and tumble is for a 5 year old not a 5 month old. Your baby doesn't probably even have sufficient neck control to stop this. Absolutely awful.

I can't believe you watched this happen and didn't stop it. Never allow MIL to swim with your baby again. And I'd also reflect on why you needed others opinions on this. Just seeing it should have been enough.

@magicalmrmistoffelees the OP watched her do it twice, said nothing. Then her Dp admits his Mum does it every time. Only the OP has an issue with this bit it is something for them to sort out as parents. MIL does it with the full blessing of her son, the baby's Dad. He is an equal parent.

MIL parented in a different time. When I was a child we had no seat belts in the back of the car never mind car seats. Smacking was perfectly acceptable and happened to me. My Mother would say she raised us well. I parented completely differently. I understand that even today people parent their children differently to one another, MN is testament to that.

This is an issue for OP and her DP to get on the same page about parenting. Of course a baby is going to get water in their mouth when in a swimming pool. Should the MIL tip her backwards? I would say probably not although the child isn't distressed at this. The parents need to agree on what is acceptable and present a good united front.

Is this being done with an instructor present or is she just doing it

i know dunking babies under 1 is a swimming lesson technique as there are airways are different at that age however it needs to be done with an experienced instructor who knows what they are doing

however bottom line is this, she’s your baby if you don’t like it don’t let her do it

I wondered if the mil had misunderstood the technique as you are meant to fully submerge

Advice may have changed in the 25 yrs since I took my DD swimming, but a question for you - has your DD had all her jabs ? The advice back in my day was not to take babies swimming until they'd had all their 6 month or so jabs.

I'd get you DD signed up for baby swimming sessions and in the meantime no more swimming with granny

Step up and protect your child or it’s you who’s being negligent!

Why is she trying to drown your child?