Toddler tantrum tips pls!

[Haaboo]

My DS is pretty chilled most of the time but he’s recently got a bit whiny and silly over trivial stuff like putting pyjamas on or not touching my phone!

hes 20 months, late talker so can’t tell me what he wants beyond “more” or a handful of favourite food groups/ drink.

key triggers are changing clothes, bottoms or stopping an activity he enjoys.

tantrums last only a couple of minutes but there are tears, wailing and flailing!

What im after is any effective changes anyone has made to end tantrums…

His don’t last long if I ignore him. Shouting only escalates things. Distraction feels like we haven’t addressed the issue. Reasoning is a bit wasted at this stage in his comms. Cuddling helps but again somehow feels like rewarding him. We started the corner thing but he goes from cross to distressed, as I honestly don’t think he’s big enough to understand consequences for something that happened a few moments before and in a different part of the room.

Maybe I’m cutting too much slack. But I’d love to find a way to put a jumper on him without tears!

all tips appreciated! Winning techniques will (or at least they ought to) earn you a Nobel peace prize 🤭

I read a good article about this earlier today. Possibly in the Guardian?
Basically advice was to help your toddler by offering some empathy and support and naming the feeling. So if they did something and fell - you don't say 'well you shouldn't have climbed up' you say 'you fell? That must have winded you/surprised you' etc. and offer a cuddle or some emotional support (which could be sitting quietly with them) until they regulate.

Sounds logical.. thank you. I’ll try and find the article 😊

https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2024/dec/10/no-one-wants-to-receive-unsolicited-parenting-advice-but-theres-one-effective-way-to-handle-a-childs-big-emotions
Here it is. Not everyone will agree but I think this is a good approach.

When my son has a tantrum I ignore. It does help

Because they’re things you can’t prevent, ie changing, dressing etc, I think you’re doing good by carrying on with necessary thing while gently ignoring the protest. I know he can’t really communicate other than by a protest or basic one word comments now, but you can still change his nappy while chatting to him above the protest (unless it’s very loud/fighty). I tried to chat with a commentary - “. I’m going to help you get dressed now. Here’s your jumper. What colour is it? It’s a red one. Can you see the duck on the front. What sound do ducks make”. If I was in a rush, too stressed to do that, I’d just do it asap and get it done.

With your phone I think that’s a bit different as it’s important he knows what he can play with and what he can’t. I’d put my hand out and say give mummy the phone please “. When met with rebellion, I’d gently take it out his hands and say, phones aren’t to play with “. Then distract and ignore wail of protest.

Tantrums are just little ones trying to understand their big emotions. As you've found, fanning the flames makes them even bigger.
I find that once it's under way letting them get it out of their system is the best way and being ready when they recover. A big dollop of patience needed for you.
And preempt by avoiding hunger, tiredness, illness, temptation, teething, etc etc etc. And when that fails go back to step 1!