Are we insane to consider going for baby number 4?

[AnneMayesR]

Just a bit of background. DH and I have 3 kids under the age of 7 and have been married 10 years. Our oldest has AS and he is a truly great kid as well. DH works full time and I work part time. Our jobs are super flexible so we are not struggling with childcare. We are okay money wise. We have no family nearby but we seem to be doing all right for the most part.

We both love being parents more than anything and would rather take the kids to the park than have big holidays etc. Our whole lives are wrapped up in our family. Lately we have both been saying we want to have one more baby. We have been talking about it for a year. Are we crazy?

I made an off the cuff remark about the possibility of having a 4th baby in the future to my parents who live thousands of miles away. They completely flipped, called us selfish, stupid, etc etc. They made stupid comments about Ds's AS.

Is it really so bad to have 4 kids, especially if one has a problem? I know that we should just do what we want but my parents really know how to make me feel like complete shit.

YES! But go for it if you want to. Sounds like you love it and you have a great handle on things. If your dc with AS is the eldest, then he's experienced new additions before so it'll be fine. If your parents live thousands of miles away it'd be fair to say that they have no idea of how you function day to day. Tell them to bugger off. It's your life. I love the idea of having a big, mad family so may be making the same decision as you in a few years (we're only on 2 so far, will definitely have one more and maybe a 4th too...)

My sister is in almost your situation - she has dcs of 10, 8, 4 and 1. Her eldest has Asperger's. They are a very happy family and her only regret seems to be that she was 41 during the last pregnancy and found it very heavy going. Mind you, she does have an au pair!

If you are in good health and can cope financially - go for it.

Firstly its no one else's business but your own. I think its well out of order for your parents to call you selfish

However, given your ds's AS you do need to carefully consider things like, how with ds (and other dcs) cope with your pregnancy, how will he cope emotionally (he has 2 other siblings so presumably he's coped admirably), how will it affect your time with the other dc's, how will you cope financially etc etc. Perhaps thats where your parents are coming from and the name calling was just a knee jerk reaction??

Actually having his own, non-threatening little social group may be extremely beneficial for your ds.

Personally, I think anyone who has more children than they have pairs of hands is a bit bonkers

Go for it. If you want another child and feel you cxan manage it then do it. I'm planning to try for no 4 myself this summer.

If you want another child, can afford it and think your son will cope with a new baby around, go for it. I dearly wish my dh would consider us having a fourth but he's adamant that he's done.

Well if you both want it and feel you can cope I don't see that there's an issue. Maybe your family reacted that way because they already feel bad that they're not around to help.