XP a 6-figure earner but refusing to pay childcare - WWYD?

[Canttakeitanymore1]

It's a long story, but to give you the basics, I split up with my XP over a year ago due to incompatibility and many years of abusive behaviour. We have 2 young DC who have always attended a nursery full time and love it there. One DC has had some emotional regulation issues likely caused by the toxic home environment, and this was a key reason I left, I didn't want our relationship to be the blueprint they based their future relationships on.

Childcare fees in our city are extortionate, the total bill for both DC is roughly equal to my total salary. I have always paid the nursery, as we got tax free childcare due to my income (his income disqualified him) and he paid his 50% to me. I recently had to apply to UC help with childcare fees as I'm struggling to pay my bills with the fees and my mortgage. This meant the TFC account was closed. I told him this would be happening and he would need to pay his half to the nursery and not me, and told them to expect two payments each month, I've continued to make my 50% payment. Around the time this change was happening, he was notified that the amount of child maintenance he paid was increasing as the schedule changed and they DC spend most of the week with me. He ignored this and continued to pay the old amount. I got nowhere with him, so requested collect and pay which started a few weeks ago. He was livid about this and since the closure of the TFC account, has stopped paying nursery fees.

The nursery have just realised that they are short and I've advised them what has happened and they were sympathetic, but they just need the bill to be paid.

I don't know what to do. XP has told me he consideres the CM I'm receiving as his childcare payment and won't be paying anything further until I agree to his demands re the schedule - he's been really clear that he wants to stop the CM claim and is trying to get more overnights to wipe it out. He's threatening court action too, but it could be a empty threat as he has form for this. Punishing me financially has always been his go-to tool to control me. He's very proud and is still trying to 'make me pay'.

WWYD?

Unfortunately I don’t think there is anything you can do - all he is legally obliged to pay is the child maintenance 😔

Yes I think unfortunately this is the case. Extremely unfair, but legally correct.

can you not claim more from UC for childcare? Just claim for the full amount rather than half? Or is there a cap on how much you can claim?

It's incredible that this is legal, and I'll be landed with the full bill, yet he earns buckets more than I do. The UC rule is that they will pay up to 85% of fees up to a max amount of about £1700, but in reality it depends on the assessment dates and they don't align with the childcare dates and they also deduct from this for earnings so it's never going to be anything close to that Part of the problem is when he found out I applied for UC, he decided I should be claiming the full amount, and whatever I receive covers his part of the bill, and he should just pay part of the remaining balance. Despite his 6 figure salary!

Yeah he's right he only needs to pay CM

in regards to wanting more overnights? Why is that a no? Is that because you don't want him to? You want more money? The kids don't want to go to his (if this is only because kids wanting to stay with you it's not valid unless they are a certain age) it has to be because he's abusive to them etc

No, you're mistaken. UC don't pay 85% of childcare fees as standard they pay up to 85%.

There are max caps and overall earnings affects total UC too. Op hasn't even said how much she earns.

presuming eligible given she literally can’t afford to pay it on current income

That's not really any indication of earnings on MN though.

There are plenty of people who bang on about being unable to make ends meet on £60/£80k plus on here 😂 Not saying the op is necessarily one of those but...

He's a cunt but unfortunately from what I understand you can't make them pay anything.

How old are your children, how many years left in nursery? Could you switch them to a childminder? Mines a bit of a pain in the arse, but my child absolutely loves it there (I do a mix of nursery and childminder) and they do lovely activities that I personally feel are more enriching (like taking the bus to the library, picnicking in the beach).
My childminder is more unreliable and shorter hours (I'm sure not are all like this!) than the nursery but much much cheaper hourly rate. They take TF codes and funded hours like nurseries.