My 8 year old DD is saying she is a lesbian

[Dodgyshoulder]

My 8 year old DD told me she is a lesbian last night. She has her own tablet which she usually uses for an hour or so after school while I’m getting on with cooking. Yesterday morning, I had a look through it and saw that she was looking up things such as “lesbian wedding” or “lesbians kissing” on YouTube. There is a child lock on it so she wasn’t able to look at much but I could see she had searched it.

When she came back from school, I asked her why she was searching up these things. She told me it’s because she is a lesbian and that is her choice. I told her she’s completely right and that is her choice but maybe she’s a bit too young to understand what a lesbian is. She said she did understand and it’s a bit like Freddy’s two mums in her school. A little boy at her school has two mums. I just told her whatever she is I will support her. I will. To be honest though I was pretty surprised, at 8 I don’t think I had any attraction to girls or boys. I guess it’s different for everyone.

Has anyone had experience with this? I’m wondering if it is just curiosity. I would support her and love her either way.

I definitely had my first crush on a boy when I was in playgroup, aged 4. I 100% fancied him, and I continued to fancy boys from that age onwards. If I’d been gay, I guess I would’ve fancied girls from the same age.

I didn’t say too young be to a lesbian. I said too young to understand what it is. Meaning, I wasn’t attracted to girls or boys in that way at 8. I thought boys were yucky and had girl best friends. But didn’t have any romantic connection or feelings to anyone at 8.

I’d go with the ‘ok cool! What do you want for tea?’ approach too. Because as you say, it’s a totally fine thing to be.

She told me it’s because she is a lesbian and that is her choice. I told her she’s completely right and that is her choice I get that this is probably just because she’s 8, but keep in mind it’s not a choice any more than being straight is a choice 🤷‍♀️

While it could just be inteterest because she's become aware of it, it's also not unheard of for children to have crushes at that age. Some people are also quite aware of their sexuality quite young, even if they don't fully comprehend what it all means. Being a lesbian is also a perfectly normal and acceptable thing nowadays, or at least it should be!

Thanks for all the replies. We definitely had the conversation about what she is searching up on YouTube. I think she is quite comfortable with me, that’s why she just told me how she felt. Which I’m glad for. Like I said if she is or isn’t, it doesn’t matter to me. I just want her to be happy. I also told her she’s still very young too, so she has loads of time to figure out what she is.

Thank you for the clarification, I think my point still stands.

My yr6 DS told me that as he will probably live to 100, he will have a sex change at 50 because he would like to know what it is like to be both a man and a women. OP, as others have suggested, respond with a cheery OK. I did very briefly mention it would involve a few painful ops and he wouldnt be able to change his mind back but if he still felt like that at 50, it was fine. Then we went about our day.

Well I'm going to go against the grain here and say that same sex attraction can be discerned from a young age.

My friends dd has been lesbian since she was 9. She is only 14 now but has stuck with it.

I have gay friends who say they were always gay.

I knew who I was attracted to from first year juniors.

I had a few very innocent crushes before I was 10, the youngest I can remember was a boy at my school when I was 5 or 6. So it's possible she has a crush on a girl she knows. Or maybe she currently thinks boys are smelly and horrible, and has decided that being a lesbian is a way to avoid them!

It's actually lovely that you've already had a bit of a talk about it, because if she is gay or bi when she grows up she'll never feel like she has to "come out", because she already knows it's normal and her mum is cool with it.

When gay marriage became legal my grandson and his mates in Reception were delighted they would be able to marry each other. He doesn't feel the same way now but it's good he has grown up knowing he can marry whoever he wants.

I think what you have said is fine. She might be a lesbian she might not.
I had v similar conversations with my DD. Said she would be loved and supported whatever her sexual orientation is.
But - I did point out that the test of this would be when she was actually attracted to someone. She's gone through her teens looking very androgynous and frequently taken to be gay and is appalled to discover she's straight.
All I would say to your DD and to you, is to consider monitoring her internet use. Perfectly fine for her to be curious but googling on lesbian could take her places and see things she is way too young for.

8 isn't usually considered to be too young to understand what straight is, in a child specific mums and dads kiss way, so shouldn't be too young to know what gay is either.

We also don't allow youtube, put off tablets age 5 and allowed "youtube kids" for a few months and then blocked it as its rubbish. No imagination, no character development, no ongoing stories to get invested in, character arcs etc that you get from quality tv shows and movies. Youtube is just mindless. Tablets pretty useless as so much is blocked so hardly used in our house.

I prefer console gaming with a kids profile for tweens with real life friends who I know on their friends list who they can chat to with headset - Gaming while talking with friends (lots of laughter, teamwork and problem solving) trumps staring at a tablet on their own watching video after video - in my opinion.

We have netflix with kids profile and I go in and block titles occasionally via parental controls on that too. Anything I get wind of being woke I log in to netflix on my laptop and block it.

We'll be putting off dating for as long as possible so I'd not entertain any types of these conversations as at 8 I think that's damaging - but again thats my opinion.

Delete all social media including youtube and I'm sure you will see a difference.

For context our neighbours are lesbians and not once have I ever had this come up and that's our real life - too much freedom on tech here is to blame.

I also thought I was a lesbian from say 8-12, I really idolised my friends, adored them, and hated the thought of boys. Thought they were grim. Turned 15 and got my first boyfriend and can honestly say I’m not attracted to women. Have always had relationships with men.

I think the teenage years and pre pubescent years are figuring out hormones and feelings. I wouldn’t look any further into it other than saying “that’s ok sweetheart, you can like who you want to like”

You're going to get slated by all the people who took lady Gaga's "born this way" hit literally, apparently all kids know whether they're gay or straight as soon as they come out the womb and to say otherwise is incredibly homophobic. Although Mumsnet isn't actually as bad for that sort of rigid thinking as other sites, my god if you posted this on Reddit 😬

Anyway you're right most 8 year old have no sexual feelings in fact I find it a little creepy when people insist they do. It's most likely a word she picked up from somewhere and because boys are yucky and eat their own boogeys at that age of course she is now currently calling herself a lesbian. I told my mum I was a lesbian at 11 and I'm now married to a man. She'll either grow out of it or not

I had crushes at 8 and knew I wasn't straight - in a simpler sense, anyway, in that I had little puppy love crushes on both girls and boys - in primary school, even if I didn't quite understand the broader context of sexuality.

I don't think it matters much either way - I think your 'whatever you are, I love you and that's fine with me' approach is the best one!

I knew aged about 11 or 12, before then it just didn’t occur to me to think about romantic attraction in any way, though I was labeled a “tomboy”.

i have friends who tell me they have known since age 7 or 8. I don’t think the feelings they are referring to at that age are about attraction in the way we understand it as adults, but of a feeling of something being different. (A previous poster talked about a friend realising aged 6 after seeing brookside, it’s not that there’s an age inappropriate feeling or urge, it’s just the realisation that what you are seeing is somehow relevant to who you are/are growing up to be.)

anyway, relating to the OPs daughter, it might be an idea that she doesn’t fully understand, a phase that changes, or she might have an early accurate understanding of who she is. Ultimately as long as she knows she is loved unconditionally and is not going to be rejected because of it, that’s what matters.