Do we tell our 11yo how ill the cat is?

[MinnieMountain]

I got told yesterday that our 13yo moggie’s blood test shows liver problems. Investigations seem pointless as they will distress her without necessarily giving an answer. So she’s on her final old age illness.

DH thinks we should be honest with 11yo DS (he’s in year 6). I think part of being parents is taking the worrying. I want to tell DS that the vet said she’s just old. When it comes time for her to be PTS we’ll be honest that it’s coming.

Part of my reasoning is that DS is very attached to the cat (he’s an only child). I don’t want him to worry.

I went through this last year, though we didn't have an option not to tell as our cat had a leg amputated due to a pathological fracture. We had 8 months with her after that, and that bonding and farewell time was really special; I think had our kids not known their grief would have been worse, as they wouldn't have had the time to say goodbye in big and small ways.

Yes, I would. I have an 11 year old and my mum died last year and mother in law this year. We also lost our cat last April before either of them and were honest throughout. I think it helped prepare him for when it was people as we could relate back that the intense feelings of grief would eventually pass. Be honest, don't use euphemisms like went to sleep as it can make them scared of going to sleep, be honest that their body is too ill now and they are going to die. Let them talk and ask questions, it helps to take the fear away from death if you are open and honest. Yes she's old and as a result her body is ill and struggling now.

All good points thank you.

It’s tricky as I’m away until tonight. I see what is meant about saying goodbye in big and small ways.

You can’t protect them from these things but you can be honest and try and give them the tools to cope. We can’t take the worry - he knows what he needs is to trust ypu

DS and a friend both have lost grandads this year (11 when it happened) I was honest with mine about what we did and didn’t know and we talked about it openly. His friends mum kept the majority from him and it made it worse - he knew something was up and he worried more

Just say he’s poorly and a few days before tell him the cat will need to be put to sleep. Give him time to grieve and say goodbye.

My kids were younger than this when we had to PTS our family dog who was older than them. We told them and I’m glad. For the last few days, we all sat on the floor for meals and TV etc so she could be near us. Lots of cuddles. Of course it was sad and they were devastated but they could say a proper good bye and our dog felt so loved.

@denimstork8 not at all. I can’t talk to him in the way whilst away.

My DM died suddenly when DS was 6. We’re honest about death. This is more when we tell him how bad it is. I see now that we should be honest from the start.

@denimstork8 . No. It’s probably a case of months.

Part of being a parent is believing your children are strong enough not to need protecting from normal experiences, like death.

That’s a very good point @drspouse . This isn’t a case of protecting DS from death, more when to tell him it’s going to happen. I do see that the fairest thing is to tell him as soon as possible.

We told DS last night. He was very upset. There are still some tears this morning. He admitted that he’d hate it if we got to the PTS stage without telling him.

there Will be tears just support him through that and reassure his feelings are normal.

and it is good that he knows and have said that it was the right thing to do