I lost a pregnancy in July - it wasn’t a planned pregnancy and me and my partner had very different feelings about it. I was shocked but came around to the idea very quickly and was happy, he completely freaked out as we didn’t plan on having any more children (nor do we have the room in our house). He has two from a previous relationship (9 and 11) and we have a 4 year old together. Our life is exceptionally busy, he is a shift worker so is gone long days, overnight etc. and I also work full time (from home). I don’t enjoy my job one bit but it works brilliantly with the school run, pays well and is very flexible so I’ve reconciled that I’ll stay there for now. Overall we have a very happy life, we are very much still in love with each other and enjoy spending time as a family when his shifts allow. But I felt really lonely after losing the pregnancy - where he felt relieved, I felt grief. My health was also trashed - low iron, stomach pains, very tired etc. I tried to pull my socks up and get on with it as my little one was starting school in September and I didn’t want to go into a puddle just as he had an important life change - I made sure I was really present for him, started prioritising my health, sleep, had an iron infusion, got on top of supplements, organised private therapy sessions to process the loss etc. It had all been going really well until a month ago when I feel like I just crumpled and felt burnt out, I became irritable, constantly snapping at him, feeling really low. I asked the doctor to sign me off work for a month and was due to return to work on Monday. I did all the proactive good things you’re supposed to do - rested, ate well, decluttered, saw family and friends, went to therapy sessions, had really intentional enjoyable time with my son. All completely driven by me, I really committed to looking after myself as I hadn’t really properly done that emotionally after the pregnancy loss. End of last week I genuinely felt like a new woman, I felt like I’d fully recharged and was really proud of taking the break and getting myself together. Then over the weekend my partner starts to get ill - in bed all day Sunday, and sure enough by Monday morning our 4 year old has a raging temperature and can’t go to school (the day I’m due to go back to work). The last five days and nights have been absolutely relentless - I’ve run on hardly any sleep every day. My partner has helped out where possible so I could get some catch up sleep on some of the days but it’s been absolutely hideous - doctors visits, high temperature, sleeping curled up at the bottom of his little bed, him coughing all night, crying, not eating, kicking off etc. Yesterday my little one was completely fine all day (after four days at home) - no temperature, no cough, nothing, running around, playing, complaining about being bored etc. I get all his stuff ready to go back to school today and low and behold he coughs and kicks off all night and now can’t go again today because he’s too tired. I’ve already taken three extra days off work and have to go back to a full day of meetings today while my little one is at home (no doubt running around absolutely fine again) while my partner sleeps off nights and helps me in places. And guess what? I’m ill now too, full of head cold. I don’t know why I’m writing this other to vent but I am SO sick of life pulling the rug from under my feet. I did all the right things - I recognised I was burnt out and struggling, I took time off, I forced myself to make positive changes to help my mental and physical health and honestly what was the point? I’m more burned out, tired and ill today than I was the day I was signed off. I’m fed up of constantly being told “you can’t pour from an empty cup” when whenever I try and fill my cup myself it gets emptied almost immediately anyway! I didn’t expect to feel the benefits of the time off forever, but it would have been really nice to have at least got back to work/normal routine before it all went to sh*t again. I feel hugely pessimistic - is this what motherhood truly is? A constant cycle of giving, giving, giving, becoming massively depleted and then trying to claw back health/sanity for short bursts? I absolutely adore our son and he is our entire world together but I honestly thought once we were through the baby/toddler days that it would all become a bit easier. I feel a bit hopeless about everything and don’t know what to do.