Does this sound like inattentive ADHD to you?

[Franny1]

Does this sound like adhd to you?
My 9 year old has previously been assessed for inattentive ADHD but was told he didn’t have it because he didn’t meet the criteria at school. Basically because he does well. But I remain concerned something is being missed and that as a diligent personality type he has just got very good at masking. His daydreaming/lack of focus is just off the charts (he’s getting so much negative feedback from us at home because he just can’t be left to complete anything by himself eg getting dressed /ready for school without us standing over him) and he really struggles with concentrating (unless it’s something he loves where his focus is so intense it’s like trying to reach someone on another planet).

He’s still doing well at school but increasingly struggling to keep pace and his self esteem is absolutely plummeting. He’s started to refer to himself as thick (he’s in top maths set but insists he should be in the bottom one) and says he actually finds questions harder the more he looks at them. This sounds odd to me?

(There are a few other smaller things too that make me wonder re processing issues such as he’s a v good technical reader when given time and adores stories being read to him but is still extremely reluctant to tackle anything with remotely challenging/smaller text on his own in a way that feels disproportionate to me.)

I’ve actually always thought there’s something a bit different about him. It’s hard to describe but he’s just always seemed different to other children: socially a bit off, very quirky. Sometimes completely ignores friends saying hi to him if he’s not really in the zone. He has good friends but yesterday he told me he always feels like an outsider.

Do people feel like it might be worth me taking him for a second opinion?

Thanks so much.

I can't tell you if he has adhd but I understand your concern. My DS was 6 when he was diagnosed and we decided not to medicate as he also has autism and touretts and the medication can make these more obvious. Anyway with the school we learnt to help him and although it's taken along time (now 15) and he's still needs prompting for things not medicating him was the right course. Their are so many things you could put in place to try put in place. What does the school say? I'm not against medication and my dd is on it and 100% right for her

Who assessed him? Did they offer any suggestions to support him?

Whoever assessed your son completely overlooked, or was insufficiently knowledgeable on the subject, to understand that the influence of an external authority/authority-figures, like good teachers can be sufficient to enable a child to want to do well.

I'm the same now, tbh, and often an external push is what I need to get the job done.

And a more structured environment where someone unrelated is directing and setting the rules and boundaries is one where inattentive type adhders are more likely to perform better. Ditto for situations where we wish to do our best for someone else. Not for the praise but more because of the acknowledgement.

I'm sure it used to gall my parents that I'd happily wash a sink of dishes at my aunt's but more often than not would have to be nagged at home!

Something similar to the way in which some ADHDers can thrive in a highly structured organisation like the army. Clarity about what is expected, how to do the job and a very clear set of rules.

I struggled more with schooling when I went into the sixth form where the more relaxed structure meant less oversight and more self-responsibility. The wheels fell off... I became overwhelmed. Found a course with A levels at a local FE college instead. An even greater degree of self-organisation was required but, surprisingly, I thrived because a) the course interesting, b) we were treated like adults, and responded accordingly and c) I had a point to prove to my parents.

Not worded it well but perhaps you'll get the drift.

DD was diagnosed with inattentive ADHD at thirteen. The signs had been there for a long time, but she was fine in primary school. Then the more complex school became, the more difficult things became. All her school reports mentioned focus, and she got a diagnosis then. (We went to a very highly recommended private paed, because we know she might be borderline as she was v bright and had good coping strategies. But she is also quirky and can ignore people and hyper focus too.

So in short, yes I would. One thing you could think about getting a report into his educational achievement/potential. Given what you are saying he might be extremely bright but also dyslexic (these kinds of things tend to come in clusters; DD is dyspraxic and, I suspect, also has dyscalculia). And if he is bright, that does make it more likely that he is using his ability to mask.

Thanks so much @expandabandband Do you mind telling me what the signs were that you saw earlier?

It’s when it’s borderline that I think it’s so hard because as I say a recommended psychiatrist said my DS doesn’t have it. And my husband thinks we should trust that. But I have honestly always had a strong sense there was a high chance he wasn’t neurotypical since he was a baby - so many little things, and I just feel like the doctor has missed things because DS can come across as so articulate and mature

@Franny1 It's hard to remember exactly now but key ones for us were an inability to follow sequential instructions, and in particular if sent up to her room to do even one thing would inevitably be found up there half an hour later reading a book and also not being able to deal with organisation in a chaotic or noisy environment. And at the start of secondary school she scattered her belongings through school as though she were a whirlwind. But always, as with your DS, while being very articulate and mature and being a high achiever in the subjects she liked.

Other more subtle things were, in hindsight finding essay writing very difficult because she had a million ideas and no way of organising them (extra time has made a huge difference) and blurting things out when she shouldn't.

Whereabouts are you, because I would recommend our paediatrician very highly as someone who could see past the ability to the problems.

Have also DM'd you

He sounds autistic in the first instance, zoning out is very common.

I would get a second opinion. A child may do well at school, so schools don’t see a problem. The question is - is he achieving to his potential?

DD did extremely well at school - but only by putting in a massive effort, fuelled by filter coffee (which we realised later was self medicating) which they didn’t see! She would have done better, with some reasonable adjustments.

The wheels fell off at university, where there was nobody to structure her life and she couldn’t do it for herself. She lived on weetabix in her first year! You would not believe the mess in her room by the end of the year. Even DH and I looked at it, and were daunted by the thought of clearing it up! (All rubbish got chucked on the floor, not in the bin….)