Would I be mad to try this for bedtimes?

[Jiminyilgrillo]

Bedtimes have always been really tricky on our house. DP works away the majority of the time and I also have step children so the routine is ever-changing when he is back, when they are here, etc and it has been really hard to have a consisteng routine. I have a 3year old DD and an 18month old DD. When DD2 was very little, I tandem fed and would feed them both to sleep, this was the only way I found I could get them down myself but as time went on and they got older it stopped working. We then managed to settle into a decent enough routine where I would put something calm on TV to keep DD1 occupied while I put DD2 to sleep (feeding to sleep) and would then put DD1 to bed. This worked well and as we lived in a small bungalow, I could leave the bedroom door open whilst putting down DD2 and still see and hear DD1. However I didn't really like her watching TV late at night and I felt like it affected her behaviour.

Now we have moved house and are in a much bigger house over 2 floors. Our stairs semi-spiral and are high and steep. I don't feel comfortable with DD1 being in another room herself here the way I did in the bungalow. We also now have a bigger room for them both (up until now DD2 has been cosleeping with us as their room wasn't big enough for both of them) I would like to start putting them both down at the same time in their own room and stop feeding DD2 to sleep. When I stopped feeding DD1 to sleep I tried to cut back gradually but it didn't work and eventually just stopped cold turkey which she was upset about to begin with but soon got over.

Would it be doable for me just to start putting them to bed at the same time in their own bedroom without feeding DD2? Or would I be being cruel? I know it would be a tough few days but I would love so mucn to be able to just get them down at the same time and get a bit of my night back. Right now it can take me 2 hours to get them both down between teeth and stories and wrestling them into bed. Which is another thing, they don't just lie down when they get into bed but will just keep trying to chat and play and I feel like I'm having to wrestle them to sleep sometimes (particularly DD2) as she keeps getting up and trying to go play and I keep putting her back down again.

What could I be doing better? I feel like a total failure sometimes for not being able to get them down in a decent time frame.

Surely if DD2 is so hard to get to sleep then putting them to bed at same time means DD1 will be kept awake while all that is going on? Also when older DD starts school you will be getting her up for specific time in the morning so she needs to get/keep into good routine of sleep. When they are both school age, with such a small age gap you might be able to do bed at the same time.

It depends, a lot of the time DD2 will go down fairly quickly but only when being breastfed. So my issue is getting her down without feeding her, but also getting DD1 down. I don't know how I can safely have DD1 in another room in this house for me to get them down separately when I don't have another adult 75% of the time. She climbs absolutely everything, we're putting in a stair gate but that's mainly for DD2 because DD1 will absolutely be able to climb it and if she does or climbs over the bannister at the top of the stairs there's a 4metre drop.

My husband worked away when mine were that age. They had their own rooms but the running back and forth between them was too much. So we designated one room the toy room and the other room the sleep room, and had both beds in the same room.

This made it much easier and they actually loved sharing and more often than not would end up in the same bed together.

Depending on sleep needs, you absolutely may be able to put them both down together at these ages. I have a slightly bigger gap, but mine have had the same bedtime since before DD2 was a year. Who I generally tuck in first has varied – for quite a long time when DD2 had one nap and DD1 none, it was DD1 who fell asleep a little bit earlier.

We allow looking at books and playing quietly with teddies in bed if they are 'not tired'. 95% of the time, they play for a few minutes, then lie down and go to sleep because they actually are tired, but it removes the argument and makes it much less of a battle to keep them in bed.