How to help control 5 year olds emotions

[Mumt02]

My son is 5, 6 in march and he just cannot control his emotions at all and I’m really really struggling f with how to help him.
for example, we go to a little football class on a Tuesday night. 3 of his best friends from school go. At the end they do a little match against each other and if my son isn’t on the team with a certain friend he absolutely loses it. Like he’s screaming crying refusing to do it, stamping his feet the lot. The coach had to bring him to me today to calm him down and then he went back on. After it has finished he came running over so I said go get you’re water bottle which meant him running back over and again he absolutely lost it, screaming crying shouting I don’t want to get my water bottle. Everyone staring at us, so I just went and cor it with him in the end.
if he asks to go to a school friends after school and they say no because they are busy or I say no because we are busy again he screams shouts refuses to walk, stamps his foot. We had this last week and he cried and cried and screamed and screamed for 2 hour! I’d we go to soft play or any day out and we have to leave it’s the same thing! I understand it’s fun but when you only get 2 hours there isn’t much more I can do.
I’ve tried getting down on his level, trying to calm him down, we’ve tried breathing, counting just absolutely nothings works when he’s in that mind frame.
I seen of his football coaches in a night out the other week and he said my sons great at football but he loans all the time about everything and he’s right!
I don’t see him all day as he’s at school and then I say the wrong thing or no to something and it’s just tears and screaming for hours on end.
I don’t know what to do to help him anymore!
if anyone has any suggestions that would be great thanks.

That level of reaction would have me considering if there is something else going on. It’s normal to be tired or grumpy or emotional especially towards the end of the year but to be crying/screaming for a couple of hours is extreme. Do you have any other concerns?

I used to ask mine “Are you sad or mad?” And he couldn’t choose so it would derail him.

No others concerns at all. School haven’t mentioned anything either, apart from being quite disruptive!

apart from being quite disruptive!

Find out exactly what they mean.

He sounds overwhelmed, look at the behaviours as communications, the cognitive demands on him in these environments especially following school may be too challenging. I would start to look at zones of regulation. Firm
boundaries and follow through, we use alarms for warnings and countdowns and these help leaving activities.

Either poor behaviour and he needs firmer boundaries. Ignore bad behaviour choices and praise good choices. Consequences for poor choices.
Or investigate for potential SEN. Speak to school and see what their opinion is.

I’ve recently spoke to his teacher about this as his teacher put him on a chair during carpet time for talking and being disruptive and he is still on a chair for it today.

so his teacher has told me he’s very chatty and likes to get the attention of his friends. That’s him being disruptive.

It sounds like he has SEN.

@Mumt02

Ask teacher to monitor behaviour and meet after Christmas to discuss next steps. It sounds like your DS has some additional needs, which are presenting in various settings.

It would be wrong to put this down to 'naughtiness', you need to work with school to get to the bottom of this.

I did speak to his teacher last week regarding him being put on a chair for talking during carpet time.

he said he had absolutely no concerns with him at all. My son sometimes comes home with blue tac or putty and said he needs to fidget with it to concentrate, some of the sen children have this in his class. So I asked if he thought my son needed it and needed any extra support and he said he doesn’t think he needs it at all he thinks he’s just copying the other children.

He's exhausted

This.

Theres a book i'm reading now (in between tantrums) called "the explosive child" that is meant to be good. Maybe your library has a copy.

He's not giving you a hard time, he's having a hard time. It sounds to me like he's overwhelmed and exhausted, and if sitting quietly on a carpet is not easy for him, then he's holding it together all day and the lid flies off when he sees you, which is completely understandable.

This time of year is brutal for little ones, they go from starting school in September, to Halloween, Bonfire night then ramping up for Christmas concert, learning words to songs, it's a madness, all via a clock change and getting up and going home in the dark.

He's not coping with what is being asked of him, for whatever reason, so see if you can give footy a rest for a couple of weeks, dial down the soft play and just calm things right down, earlier to bed, decent food, and see if you can make things a bit easier for him and if it makes any difference.

When my DS was struggling a bit with this sort of thing, I found a book called 'My Hidden Chimp' was useful. It's aimed at helping children to understand and manage their emotions.

He sounds tired; mine struggled to do extra curricular stuff at that age without upset. Is he year 1 or reception?

Youngest is now y2 but we had a rocky y1. Different to your description but v up and down emotionally, esp when tired, it did spill into school.

When he was 6 we read my hidden chimp. He loved it and would carry on reading it alone. It's been fantastic and we are still referring to it 6 months later.

But all children are different; my eldest wasn't interested and not such a good reader.

Covers winning and loosing, saying sorry, managing temper, telling the truth etc.

5 is still very young though

Cross post @LimeYellow!

I prefer it to zones of r. My ds2 actually got quite upset about zones, he thought he had to have one zone at a time. He had lots. He was actually sobbing about it he night! And it didn't give as much practical advice as hidden chimp.

Yes @WarriorN! I liked the practical element too.