How to deal with toddler throwing/hitting

[Neeenaaw]

My 2 year old is in the stage of throwing things or hitting if he's upset by something and me and husband have different approaches to how we deal with it but I'd prefer to be on a more united front. As an example this morning I said he couldn't have something, so he went on a little rampage throwing multiple things.

My response tends to vary dependant on the circumstances. This morning we were in our living room, he was throwing bits of toys and water bottle on the floor. There was no danger to anyone and he wasn't crying, just a little angry outburst so I let it happen. Didn't say anything, just watched him until I could see he'd had enough of throwing stuff (probably about 20 seconds) and then talked to him, told him he cant do that, etc. Then told him we were going to go and get breakfast, but asked him to pick his cup up and put it on the table which he did (I don't think I got him to pick the toys up this morning but normally would, and would help him). If we were in public, I'd intervene sooner.

My husband has decided he wants to start implementing the naughty corner. I'm not really a fan, I don't have any specific reason why, I just think it's a bit pointless and I think he's a bit young for that but I will go along with his suggestion as we're equal parents so I can't just tell him not to.

Just interested to hear others thoughts on how to deal with this type of behaviour and what worked for you?

This will get massively mixed responses on here. But we took a zero tolerance approach to hitting when DS started doing it, at around the same age. He would hit, we would say, "No - we don't hit" firmly, pick him up and remove him. Usually just onto the steps, and we'd stay right there but no engagement, no talking. Usually for about 2 minutes. Then repeat. For about 2 weeks it felt like we were doign this constantly, but at the end of those two weeks, he stopped hitting completely. It was sort of pavlovian - he learnt it did him NO favours.

Oh sorry, I mentioned the hitting but not how I actually deal with that bit. But yes, similarly to you in the I do not allow him to hit me (or anyone, I'm the main target though). As soon as his hand makes contact I will stop him and say much the same as you. I ask him to say sorry, and depending on his mood will sometimes ask him to give me a cuddle too.

We use the naughty step for my 2 year old Daughter - and i must say it does work.

Its good to teach action and consequence, that's how they learn right from wrong in such a simplistic way.

At 2, they understand more than you think. Which is usually proven by them looking at you either as they are doing something 'naughty' or straight after - for a reaction.

Personally, I am not ocnvinced they understand sorry at that age. And even if they do, I still think the immediate consequence is important.

I concede I have strong feelings about this as SIL did not do this. She would have long conversations with DN about it not being nice/appropriate/kind or whatever. He would stare blankly at her. Sometimes he would cry, and she would cuddle him because "he didn't mean it".

Well, sadly, the only thing that stopped him hitting DD was the time, years later, when DH and I had enough of it and when he hit her, we left. In the middle of a family lunch. Everyone else thought we were being very precious but he hasn't hit her again.

My toddler has been hitting and throwing things. I use a time out and it seems to help. It's didn't at first but I think she now understands why she goes to the naughty step m.

My only concern with your way of dealing with it is that a 2 year old won't understand it's ok to throw stuff at home when he's with you but it's not ok to throw stuff at nursery for example.

I find it hard to discipline my children but it's the same rules for in the house as it is outside the house otherwise they get confused.

How To Talk So Kids Will Listen by Faber and Mazlish is better than naughty step strategies.
What your husband is suggesting will backfire I can promise you. Your son will grow out of hitting and throwing (it's a developmental stage) but you will be ill equipped to deal with the next lot of problems if all you have is the naughty step.
SuperNanny who popularised this actually uses lots of other techniques but they weren't so camera friendly so we all think Timeout is some magic bullet

"Long conversations" arent any use either. Talking isn't just talking it's about communicating....could be involving, distracting, responding to boredom hunger tiredness bad situations...hitting when he is upset might mean looking at what is making him upset in first place rather than just responding to the "reactive" outburst.

There are better ways than the naughty step and it's pretty meaningless at this age. I'd suggest ignore and distract for the throwing and agreeing once he's calm, for you to include him in the tidying up but not in a judgemental or punitive way. But as a natural consequence, he makes a mess, he has to help clean it up.
This is a child dealing with their emotions in the best way they know how. Reframe the way you look at this - he's angry and frustrated. He may well be trying to get a reaction from you.
Can you watch for what triggers this behaviour and see if you can head it off before it erupts?
Hitting is not something I would ignore though, but you can address it in a way he understands - say you understand he is angry/sad/ whatever but it's not ok to hit and hurt people. Give him another way to vent his feelings while he's learning to regulate himself. I found making DD laugh was a good way to defuse a situation or turn a flashpoint into something silly. Joining in was often very effective - I would start throwing cushions and shout too and this would make her laugh. Do what your child responds to best.

Re reading your OP I would say look at the first bit of your example. What couldn't he have? Was there something else that he could have been directed to enjoy or have? You are focusing on what he can't or shouldn't do rather than focusing on what you want him TO DO.
If he likes throwing the wrong thing is there a right thing he can be throwing in a safer place beanbags, foam balls soft toys into a basket before he gets even into a bait about the thing you don't want him to do.
You give your child an expectation of agency, they know what is expected of them in a positive way not through negative experiences. Yes it's okay to be frustrated when you are two and not get to do exactly what you want every minute but there is a balance, allowing for the developmental age. At 2 the naughty step is meant to be for 2 minutes...essentially its not a punishment at all its the parent giving attention for two minutes...hence why it may backfire

If my parent kept putting me on the naughty step I might think it a very jolly game...so it escalates into a battle of wills