Desperate..please send toddler sleep success stories

[Gigi00]

DS is 21 months, used to sleep through 80% of week and settled well himself.

The last 2 months he screams at bedtime, will only go down with his bottle in his cot. But takes a lot of persuasion, now waking 2-3 times a night. He Refuses to get back in and vomits up milk within 2 mins of screaming in his cot when i attempt to get him back in (usually has one bottle in the night)

I spend at least an hour trying to settle him in his rocking chair in his room, he just gets up and walks around his room causing carnage. He has no intention of getting back in his cot. I have tried laying on the floor in front of his cot, this doesn't work either he just screams.

If i take him to my room he sleeps and i transfer him back. I do NOT want to co-sleep. I want to teach him to sleep in his own cot.

I'm desperate for advice, i feel like he knows he is going into my bed so he wont get in his cot. But i cant get him to stop screaming in his cot and vommiting and generally becoming so worked up.

Do i need a sleep consultant? I just don't know where to go with this

Honestly, I think this is unfortunately quite normal. There is a lot of brain development that happens just before 2 and sleep was horrible with both of mine.

Sleep is important to me. I’d co-sleep. No sense killing yourself for a phase that will pass naturally. I co-slept with mine until I didn’t need to anymore and they started sleeping in their rooms no problem. But if you’re intent on not, the answer is simply to sit in his room and either rock him to sleep if you can transfer him without waking or sit next to the cot and make sure he doesn’t get out until he falls asleep.

I'd second co-sleeping, my little girl is 3 in march and I have an 8 month old in the next to me and as long as they know their safe they will sleep through the night, 8 month old wakes occasionally
It's sooo much better for my mental health
I co-slept with my 2 older boys and they wanted to transition on their own when they were 2&3
But I understand why you maybe don't want to co-sleep, it's nice to have that freedom when the little ones are in bed, I just find it so stressful when they get so worked up so maybe I just take the easy route

Did you add any bed guards to your bed? He has fallen out of my bed which puts me off.

I feel like if i co sleep , he will constantly be doing it for years and i want my own space and be able to not be tied to him. If i want to go out in the evening i cant be laying in bed with him 24/7. This feels awful at the moment 😰

Yeah I've got a bed guard on one side and I use my pregnancy pillow to stop her rolling into the middle of the bed (she is a starfish)
But honestly, even if it's for a little bit until he gets through this phase he's in I think it may do you both wonders, is he a bit grumpier in the day because he's up in the night too?
I just find everyone is much happier with sleep x

I'd cosleep, they will be tied to you all night whether in your bed or up screaming for you so may as well get some sleep.
When they're old enough to understand rewards and punishments etc then getting them into a bed isn't too much trouble...some kids' sleep is just crap, both of mine have been bonkers at age 2 but my eldest is fine now... Audio books, reward charts etc when 3 sorted her out.

Co-sleep!!! I am having the same issues with a one year old who has a scream that would shake buildings. I bring them in and cuddle up. Rain sounds on and after some milk (he still takes a bottle) I have to let him next to me. I need sleep as I'm on my own so it's a must

Normal brain stretching transitions are accompanied by whacked sleep and food for a while.

Get rid of the cot and put a single mattress on the floor. Lie next to him when he's going to sleep then leave and continue to respond and lie next to him each time he wakes. That's what we do and it works really well, everyone gets sleep but he understands that he can't sleep in our bed, plus his is on the floor so totally safe!

I’m so sorry to say this because it’s not what you’ll want to hear, but I think it may be the case of riding it out. My LO is nearly 2 as well and went through the same a few months ago. Bedtime took hours, screaming crying to get out the cot, wanted one of us stood next to the bed all night. We ended up co sleeping for a month or so and seem to have come out the other side.
I have a few friends with little ones the same age and they’re going through the same, there’s definitely a 18-24 month sleep regression that’s worse then any of the other ones combined!!! You have my sympathy and solidarity.

This. I think he may be panicking because he knows he can't get to you if he wakes etc. as he's imprisoned in his cot. My daughter wouldn't/couldn't sleep in her cot but was fine sleeping on a mattress. Sometimes she would wake and just pop her head round the door to check where we were and then go back to her bed. Co sleeping is fine too.

The problem is, I'm worried if i move him into a bed instead of a cot, He will be causing carnage in his room at night? He keeps pulling at his radiator, floor lamp and plug sockets. I was hoping to hold off moving him out of his cot until he perhaps stopped doing this!!

What do you think?

We had to move our DS out of his cot about the same age as he started climbing out of it and it wasn't safe so he was in a toddler bed way before we planned. We took out everything in his room that he could be distracted by or that was climbable at bed time and persevered with it, though he didn't get upset. We used a stair gate so he couldn't get onto the landing.

Oh you will need to make the room safe, so attach all furniture to walls etc. I'd say for the first few weeks my DS would come and try to find us (obvs we heard him on the monitor and would go to him straight away) but now he just sits up in bed and waits for us. It takes time! But honestly ditching the cot was the best thing we did (and we did it MUCH earlier than you so well done for persevering!)

Has this with dc but was just a phase. Occasionally co slept but with work we could never get a good sleep that way so did a combination of controlled crying , sitting in room for a bit until they fell asleep. Consistency is key. You might have a difficult few weeks during a regression but if you co sleep you will make a rod for your own back.

@tangobravo of course we would secure furniture, but certain things like radiators - I'm not sure what else i could do with this!! He's feral 🤣

@Winelasagne id prefer not to co sleep but, i feel like trying to settle him in his room isn't working especially as he vomits when he screams. Did you experience any vommiting? DS does it within minutes of being in his cot.

Ours is feral too, I sympathise! 😂

I have 2 ferals too, eldest climbed out of cot at 9 months so we had no choice but to make his room safe (we mostly cosleept but also had a bed in his room for naps) youngest we never bothered with cot but he could climb onto sofa by 8 months so I imagine he’d make quick work of the cot. We are cosleeping with him currently. We don’t use bed guards, they mostly like to be cuddled up to you anyway. Neither have ever fallen out.

Those that co sleep, does this mean you go to bed with them from the start of their bedtime and stay with them till morning?

How does this work if you want to go out in the evening? Do they allow someone else to put them to bed?

I have a video monitor into bedroom and so will put DS to bed, roll away. And keep an eye/ear out for the monitor until I go to bed.

If I want to go out I get ready before bedtime and then head out as soon as they are asleep. Most pf my friends have young children too so I’m usually home by 9.30/10pm latest. If he wakes, he’ll be with his dad, youngest will settle for DH but eldest wouldn’t have at that age (does now).

If me and DH want to go out together we tend to do day dates or a take away and movie at home once boys are asleep as I don’t find it relaxing otherwise, I just worry about what will happen if they wake and feel that is not fair to put on someone else (my mum is our usual babysitter, but generally for daytime only. Eldest did an overnight at her house for first time at 27 months and it went really well).

No i think if they are being sick then a gentler approach is definitely needed!

Get the Ferber sleep training book.

It only took us three nights to get DD to sleep through without difficulty.

You have to follow what the book says exactly, but it does work.

I hate co sleeping. Not on principle, I'm sure it works for other people, but I'm such a light sleeper it never worked for me.
I've got 3 kids and they all went thru spells of waking in the night during growth spurts.
Honestly in my opinion you just have to ride it out. Be calm and consistent. I just never brought mine into my bedroom unless they were genuinely ill. I also didn't sleep in their room. I just went in to their room every so often if they were awake and crying and comforted them then left. Sometimes had to do that every hour during a night. But eventually they got through the phase and slept thru again.
I may just have been lucky however it was the same with all my kids...
My middle (6yo) has ASD and she still occasionally wakes but I just have a little chat with her and she goes back to sleep. I am always firm that no one is getting up and she's not sleeping anywhere but her bed.

I remember not being able to sleep from a very early age.
But my mum got very angry with me and had no patience, so I just started lying down and pretending to be quiet and to settle down. Then, long after everyone else in the house was asleep, I’d climb out of my crib and wander around the house.
In my teens, I’d lie awake for hours and then sneak in a nap after school - because naps made my mum angry too.
I’m in my sixties now and insomnia has been a lifelong struggle. I take something now, so at least I sleep.
I don’t think my mum ever believed that insomnia was a real thing.