Child sickness and time of work

[lisa270988]

Hi my toddler often gets admitted to hospital when he gets a cold or virus due to viral induced wheeze/asthma which affects his breathing badly! This happens mostly in the winter months my husband works full time I don't work at the moment but when my little boy is poorly and goes into hospital I find it very stressful and hard to cope it's so upsetting seeing him like that! I suffer for bad anxiety and depression so this makes it worse! I always like my husband there when he is in hospital to help he tends to stay with our little boy at night and I go up in the days so my husband can go home my mum will often come up to help me in the day.
My husband works have been OK with him taking time off but they are now getting funny!! He has used all annual leave and sick leave!! So I am really worried about what will happen if he goes in again!! We still got half the winter left!!.
Is there any laws on this can they sack my husband? Do they have to allow time of for an ill child? Even if it's unpaid it's OK

Could you go in?

I think as hard as it is unless it’s something critical you need to find a way to cope with more of it so he can work.

are you getting help with your anxiety issues?

https://www.gov.uk/time-off-for-dependants
This information may help. He needs to check his contract of employment for dependants leave to understand his position.

Unfortunately time off for caring responsibilities is often discretionary and limited. If he exceeds the absence policy then he could be disciplined and even dismissed. I'm not clear why it should take three of you to cover one child though. Could dm and you alternate nights and your dh at weekend.

Does your child have one of those yellow preventor inhailers? Just asking as my son was admitted to hospital frequently as a toddler with viral wheeze/possible asthma. Hes now 4 and my GP put him on the inhailer which he takes nightly--it has helped massively and he hasnt had any bad episodes since, even after colds or viruses. I wish they had prescribed it sooner.

EmotionalSupportPotato go in where

LIZS

My mum wouldn't want to stay overnight she wouldn't manage on her own

To me it's always seemed pointless for both of us to be sitting bedside. I think you'd be better going in if you can and facetiming your dh if a Dr comes to speak to you (outside of just doing obs) if you need support with decisions etc. Then someone else like your mum could visit during the day while you rest.

Your family is entirely dependent on your dh job so to me it does need to be a priority that he is enabled to sustain it.

Are you accessing counselling and help from your gp/psychiatrist to manage your anxiety and depression?

Honestly you need to learn to deal with this. You do nights, most of the days unless your mum can come relieve you for a bit in the daytime. Your husband visits anger work. How it's always worked in our house.

Unfortunately, your husband could face disciplinary action if it keeps happening. You need him to be in work whilst you care for your child, or you may find you have no income . Why has he also used all his sick leave? Has he regularly been ill too?

Unfortunately as he's not sole carer and you're not working this won't be considered essential parental leave. This goes on for years - it's improved a lot, but my 7 year old still has a&e trips every winter.
It is absolutely brutal, I fully understand how exhausting and hard on you this is, but you will need to seek some therapy to deal with the anxiety so you can take the horrid admissions and then DH can step up evenings/weekends to give you a break when you're home from hospital.
Are you in the viral wheeze FB group? I find it really helpful and supportive.

They have to grant emergency, unpaid leave for a genuine emergency. There is no limit on this. However "emergency" should be a real, unforeseen situation. So, heaven forbid, your child is really not breathing much, in ICU attached to breathing machines, and there might be big decisions to be made about treatment, then yes your husband should be granted as much emergency, unpaid leave as he needs to cover the period while your child is like that, as frequently as he needs it.

Your child getting frequent colds, having a bit of trouble because of his asthma, going in for a couple of nights for some meds and O2 to help him be more comfortable, isn't really an emergency and so no it wouldn't be covered.

No he hasn't been sick but when he been off for our little one he has uses sick leave

That would be a sackable offence at most workplaces. Sick leave is if your DH is sick, not his child.

That's how they told him to take it so he doesn't lose money

Is that sick leave paid leave, when it's not actually him that is ill? I really think you need to find a way to manage without your husband taking time off work, if your child is ill again. You may find that he doesn't have a job to go back to unfortunately.

This. I don’t meant to sound like a dick, I really don’t, my youngest has been admitted as an inpatient a few times due to chest/lungs. We have an older child and DH has a job (as do I!) and we jiggle it and make it work, because we have to. We’ve never been able to do two at the bedside.

I’m not doing a race to the bottom but if your income depends on this then yes, your DH needs to be in work.

He can take unpaid parental leave potentially, but it certainly would be discretionary. But it probably would be frowned upon given you are not working so you are able to be there. If they are getting funny about it, then they may not be so kind in being discretionary for this situation.
It can be scary and stressful, but you need to find a way of dealing with it if it happens often.

This is going to sound harsh however I say it so I'm just going to rip the band aid off here

If your husband was my employee I'd be mightily pissed off if his wife who didn't work couldn't manage a few hospital stays

You need to get help for your issues - either that or you go to work and your husband stays home

Your DH should check his company's compassionate leave policy. Also parental leave policy on gov.uk. Ultimately in my experience most employers give some flexibility for emergency childcare or elderly care but in the real world if you're a non-working parent most employers would not be happy to facilitate random days off for your DH because you prefer your DH to be with you when your DC is in hospital. Even if it's unpaid, it still disrupts your DH's workplace because it's unplanned leave.

Unfortunately hospital stays are part of parenting.
You need to find some coping strategies.

I'd also recommend your dh joins a union for support and advice incase things do get to disciplinary level.

Another option- could you hire an au pair or nanny if finances allow so you have some more help at home and build in support for hospital visits into the contract hours and pay? Obviously this might be a financially viable option on one wage.

Your DH should not be taking sick leave if he is not ill. This will be on his record and could then trigger sickness absence management.
It could also be put in references for future jobs he may apply for that he's had a lot of sick time off.
If he needs to take time off it needs to be a carers/parental/special leave but definitely not sick leave.

This is unnecessarily cruel. It's very frightening when your child's SATs are dropping and they're being "stretched" on the meds - the nhs wards often try to push them out before they're ready, i think 92 is the threshold to be discharged now (too low IMO)
By saying "a bit of trouble with asthma" you're minimising what the OP is going through

I agree with the "join a union" suggestion. I used to be a senior union rep. I would've advised DH to try and put in place some coping strategies to help his wife cope. Some companies have Employee Assistance Programmes you can contact for help and advice too.