Please help - at breaking point!

[Stressedandoverwhelmed]

I really need some advice as I’m at breaking point with my almost 5 month old son’s night time sleep. I suffered with PNA after my first child was born and although I’ve coped much better second time round, the sleep deprivation is making me start to spiral.

Up until the 4 month sleep regression hit at around 3.5 months old DS was waking every 3-4 hours for a feed (he’s EBF and does feed to sleep) and this felt very manageable. Since then he will only sleep unless held by me or my husband (and when I’m holding him he wants to be on the boob the whole time but isn’t actively feeding).

Every time we try to put him down into his next to me crib he will wake in a matter of minutes and if we don’t pick him back up he becomes hysterical.

We have tried white noise, shushing, rubbing his tummy, stroking his face and rocking him but nothing works. He also refuses point blank to take a tummy.

We have a memory foam mattress so co-sleeping isn’t really a safe option

We’re now at the point where we have to take turns holding him the entire night. It doesn’t help that my husband’s job means that he often works late shifts and doesn’t come home until 3/4am so on those nights I am left awake holding DS on my own. Our 2 year old will get up around 6am so I’m lucky if I get 2 hours of broken sleep a night right now.

Any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

I had a good sleeper after the newborn phase. My boy would only wake up once to feed in the night also EBF. And then the 4 month sleep regression hit around 4 months, terrible naps (no longer than 20 - 30 mins). Then around 4.5, 5 months he would cry literally scream every time we tried to put him to sleep. Night times were horrible, I tried everything, swaddle, rocking, bouncing, singing, white noise he just wouldn't take it. Now he is 6 months and seemed to settle all on his own. I still have to put him back to sleep and he wakes up about 3 times during the night. His bed time is 9-9.45pm depending on when he takes his 3rd nap. I had to co-sleep, still co/sleeping for my sanity. You have to ride it out. It will get better! They go through huge development changes (rolling etc) and teething is also bothering them. Give calpol when you feel he's irritated as it could be teething. Also they go through 'leap 5' which is one of the leaps that they are most fussy and irritated. I feel you OP it will eventually settle. Try co-sleeping if you can.

Sorry just realised you said you can't co sleep. If you have a next to me cot, you can also try the Rockit from Amazon. That also helps to rock them. Hand on chest to calm them and you just got to ride it out.

One of mine was similar from birth. We never noticed the 4 month regression. There was nothing to regress from. He wouldn't sleep unless held. My husband did the evening shift, I went to bed super early. Honestly, we survived by chest sleeping. I slept with him on my chest but husband never did as it's less safe. I was propped up in the middle of a large bed so he couldn't roll to the floor. No covers/blankets. If he so much as wriggled I woke up. It felt a lot safer than I expected it to. I think your other options are get a floor mattress that would be safe and co-sleep or sleep train. Only you can decide what feels most acceptable to you. There are heated feelings on both sides but honestly how your baby sleeps is only one small part of building their attachment to you.

I have a 2 year old and a 12 week old. I co sleep/ slept with both. I was shown by my midwife on how to do safe cosleeping and lying down breastfeeding. She had a bed made up in her office so you could lie in it and she would show you how to do it safely.

If I didn't do it I would have got no sleep at all.

For what it's worth in Asian countries/ a lot of non western countries it is perfectly normal to cosleep. My Indian mum and aunties find it horrific we get our babies to sleep in their own rooms at 6 months.

I had to do that too... I felt so guilty and my mum would tell me off for falling asleep with baby on my chest but I propped my self up and had pillows under my arms. I'd wake up to every wriggle to make sure he was still there. Sometimes I'd have nightmares. But It's the only way I got sleep too... glad to see I wasn't alone!

I slept with my youngest on my chest for a month or two at this stage. I never slept deep but it was such a relief to just doze. As others have said, propped up and no quilt. We'd be a sweaty mess and I'm sure the health visitor would have gone spare but it was that or madness!