Want another baby, but I don't have mat leave

[Milennialworkinprogress]

Context: Left my job in August and work for myself. Business is picking up but it's seasonal so I may have to pick up a 9-5 to supplement.

My gorgeous son is 4 years old and I want another baby. My worries are:

1. I won't have mat leave so is this financial suicide?
2. My son is already 4, will the age gap be too big?
3. I'm 35 - is it too late?

Just looking for some advice. I know what my heart wants but life has really thrown itself at me this year. I just want to make good decisions and not regret anything. I lost my mother 2 years ago to cancer so time with family is really on my mind.

Thanks for reading

If you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. I wouldn’t have a baby in these circumstances - it wouldn’t be fair to you or the baby. Nurseries don’t take babies until at least 6 weeks old, which seems so young anyway.

I think if you want to have another baby- then have another baby! I think people can overthink things. You will find another job if you need to. Maternity leave only lasts so long - the important thing is to find something that will serve you well if you go back to work.

Are you a solo mum or in a relationship?

It sounds like if you might have to get a job anyway, you can get maternity leave through a new job. Maybe get a 9-5, wait until you're eligible for maternity and you can always work part time on the business whilst on maternity?

You'll likely be entitled to maternity allowance which is similar to SMP. Look it up.

35 isn't too old and your age gap isn't too big! I wanted a 5 year age gap but in the end I was too impatient 😆

35 is fine. I would get a job now, right away, and aim to get pregnant next year. you mentioned that you had been ttc-ing for a few months earlier this year to no avail. Are you still trying? I'd probably put that on hold for the first 6 months or whatever it is of the new job.

Starting your own business is the quickest way to lose the 5 months lump sum you got leaving your last job, honestly.

@quoque no, no longer TTC - mentally wasn't right.

Lump sum is still in tact, my business was a side hustle for years and with my focus on it I've been able to pay myself enough to not touch the lump sum luckily.

It's just the fear of not have guaranteed money I guess. My partner is paying for all of needs for now - he's happy to whilst I figure out what I want to do

Would you not get Maternity Allowance?

@opalagain current job market is a shambles - still applying but working for myself in the meantime

If you’re self employed and home based can you continue to do some work? That plus the lump sum you have saved and a partner with a salary would get you through. All the self employed women I know have done that anyway, largely because they couldn’t fully step away from their businesses for more than a few weeks without losing momentum and / or clients.

As your self employed you'd get maternity allowance. It's 180 a week for 9 months

If you want another child then really you just need to do whatever it takes to make that happen. Personally, I would cut my finances to the bone, save as much as I could and try to make it work. If I couldn't make the finances work without maternity pay, I would find a job, fulfil the requirements to qualify for their mat leave and then have the baby. You can pick your business up again in the future, or not, whatever. You don't get another chance to have the family you want.

The only thing I’d be concerned about is the financial side to be honest. Sit down with your partner and look at the numbers, base it off absolute worst case scenario, see if you can afford it. If not then I wouldn’t do it, if you can afford it and you want a baby then I don’t see any real reason why not if you’re happy with age etc which is a personal decision

I can't advise on the money side of things but things to think of, do you still have the big ticket items from your 4yr old you can reuse? Are you happy to have second hand items? This will reduce costs significantly, you've had a DC so you know what you need rather than what you think you need.

In regards to age gap and your age; there is 5yrs between my 2 DC (9 and 4) they get on great and big DC helps with little DC. I was older than you when I had my 2nd so no you're not too old.

The only real consideration is, is a 2nd DC right for your family? If it is then you'll make it work

Actually, I think I agree about putting all your focus into finding a permanent job and then reevaluating. Your partner is only a partner, it’s a really risky position to put yourself in to have a new baby and no income of your own and no job to return to, you’d be stuffed if he left.

Thanks everyone, really logical input.
I'll continue to focus on getting employment, if not only to save a larger amount should we choose baby no.2

How much income do you need to generate? Could you manage on just your partners income?

There is no perfect age gap. I know people who are happy with 9 months in-between and others who have 20 years in-between.

You're not too old but I probably wouldn't leave it any longer if it's what you want.

My youngest was born when I was 36 (nearly 37) and his elder brother was 4y3m. They are now 1y9m and just turned 6yo, and adore each other, so no worries about the age gap!

Set your business up as Ltd. Run your wages through payroll.

Get an extra part time side job (16 hours)

= Double SMP!

So yes atm you’re in the shit. But a small adjustment and actually you will do very well out of maternity.

I have a friend who is self employed and her husband is employed. I believe she took around 8-12 weeks off after the birth and her husband took the rest as shared parental leave. And with her being self employed she could work very flexibly. Is this something you could do?

@Craftymam yes I'm now a ltd company. Paying myself the way you said.

We are quite flexible and my husband could definitely take shared leave. So there are definitely options I'm realising

The age and the age gap are non issues. 35 isn't too old and a 4 year age gap can be lovely (honestly just depends on what kind of kid you get and you can't predict that!). The money is an issue though and I don't know that it wouldn't be detrimental to your existing child.