Feeling such a crap mum this afternoon!

[Mobell]

My DD who is 3 next week wanted to see Moana 2 as she likes the first one. She's done ok at toddler cinema before so I thought it would be fine, was looking forward to having quality time with her as I've been suffering with morning sickness and not up for much.

I'd picked a 9am showing so only a couple of other seats booked.

She was really excited and sat wonderfully for about 40 minutes, and then started mucking about, walking up the aisle, climbing on the chairs etc. I was managing her as quietly as I could. Needed a wee twice and had to dash out, didn't want any of her snacks we had brought. She started grizzling and whining at me when a staff member was there and they gave me a look, so I told her I'd take her out if she couldn't be quiet- of course she then carried on so I picked her up and carried her out to much protest. She was then really upset and wanted to go back in. We agreed I would get her some chocolate and she would be quiet the rest of the time- which she was to be fair.
She then was really upset as I asked her to put the chocolate away at the end of the film so we could go to the toilet- she cried.
Then she was just chaotic in town, my plan had been to go to a café but she didn't want to go, agreed to get her some fruit and spent a load on fruit in M&S that she didn't then want to eat, had to tell her off for stroking all the baguettes near the tills.
Eventually just packed her in the car and took her home after paying for her to go on the rides near the exit.
I'm now nursing a cup of tea on my laptop and I've given her my phone to play on the Cbeebies colouring app. Feeling like a total failure who placates with screens and sugar!

Morning sickness- so you're pregnant OP? Don't be hard on yourself! Pregnant and looking after a young DC is brutal. Use all the screen time and snacks you need to get through it. You sound like a lovely mum. That staff member shouldn't have given you a look - its a kids film!

We've all been there OP. Some days are good, some days are bad.

I've spent today filling my 4 year old with malteasers because it's all we can handle after nearly 2 weeks of norovirus in the house.

Have you heard of Good Enough Parenting? It makes me feel better about those crap days-

"Good enough parenting is a theory that acknowledges that parents can't be perfect and that it's okay to make mistakes. The concept was developed by British pediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott in the 1950s. It's based on the idea that parents should be responsive, adapt to their child's needs, and show empathy.

Good enough parenting is not about neglecting children, but rather about recognizing that humans can't achieve perfection all the time."

I always tell myself that actual bad parents don't care whether they're bad at it, therefore simply by it upsetting me, I'm doing OK!

I don't think you sound crap at all, but I do think your expectations might be a bit off. Cinema first thing means she probably hasn't had a chance to burn any energy yet, and it's also a looooong time for little ones to sit still in a new place, in a chair that isn't really designed to be comfortable for them. I'd maybe leave it a year.

You ask pretty much of a 3 yo I think.

Oh OP! There's a reason sugar and screen time exists and this is as good a reason as any to use it 😂 Deep breaths and count down til bedtime 💐

Your morning sounds such better suited to an older child OP, maybe change your expectations. Stop buying things too, it's just leaning in to the loss of control, just pack it all in earlier, get home and have a rest

How do you think some of us managed before there were limited TV programmes and no portable screens?

Sounds like a normal day out at that age.

Sitting for 40 minutes quietly at the beginning was a huge achievement at that age, I’d focus on that. That’s great!!

The rest of it is just normal and don’t expect to enjoy any to of movies for the next few years, they have a shorted tolerance for things, that’s why Bluey episodes are so short. When they are much older you might actually get to watch a full film.

I think you did really well!

You tried something, it didn’t work out, no big deal! 3 is very young for the cinema and in my experience young kids do better at sitting quietly when they’ve had the chance to blow off some steam first. Chalk it up to experience, don’t do the cinema again until she’s 4 and then go in the afternoon when you’ve had the morning at nursery, soft play or the playground. C Beebies colouring app sounds vaguely educational, enjoy your well earned cuppa and don’t worry about it!

3 is quite young for the cinema, I'd probably say unless it's one of those 20 min short films to wait until around age 5 or 6.

Aside from that you're trying your best which is all we can do.

You are not a crap mum x

Honestly, don't put yourself down, I've recently gone through this, (pregnant with a toddler) currently dealing with an almost 3 year old and a 9 month old, most days were/are absolutely brutal. Do what you need to do to get by. Sending hugs. X

You are of course all correct in now I see my expectations of her sitting through it were too high, but she has sat in the cinema no problem at all for toddler time up to an hour before, so thought we would try the next step. I was buoyed by her excitement too I guess. I won't be doing that again in a hurry!
I probably am being a bit unfair to her as she is normally pretty good, she likes going to a café and having a walk around a museum etc, though she does also like a good run around and yes in hindsight think I should have run off some of her energy first. She never normally tantrums at all and I only have to change the tone of my voice for her to do as instructed. She's very articulate and behaves older than she is in some ways so I think I can sometimes not treat her like she is not quite yet 3.

Still feel bad though she is over it!

I normally would take her to a soft play on a Friday but at the moment I'm struggling so didn't want to be climbing after her and wanted a sit down activity hahahaha more fool me

Awww! 🥰 The only thing you did that was even slightly ‘wrong’ was rewarding bad behaviour with the chocolate but we’ve ALL done that in a desperate situation!

OP honestly, I know you feel upset but your DD sounds like most other kids her age! Mine was also somewhat spirited on her first cinema trip around 2/3yrs old, she decided to run in circles in front of the screen 😂 She did it quietly & there was other kids there too doing similar who were the only others in there, so I just let her continue.

Any parent who tries to tell you that their toddler hasn’t had a tantrum on the floor of the supermarket or something equally mortifying, is fibbing! It’s like a parenting right of passage!! Just wait until you misjudge something parenting-wise and you realise neither you nor your child are perfect :). We’ve all had a ‘parenting fail’ moment which you forever regret.
For my mum, it was the time she walked out of the kitchen when I was a baby (I could sit up but not walk) and she’d left me on the kitchen table………..Yep! Fell off and cracked my head open and still have a little scar where a frown line would be! Making me look like I’m permanently frowning 🤨 <- Just like that!
My parents weren’t neglectful (well, my mum was emotionally but not physically) just wasn’t perfect :)

I on the other hand, had 2 of those fails! One when I was cuddling my DD on the bed one morning and she was in her sleeping bag. I turned to pick my phone up and she fell off her side (was fine, thank god)
Second, in Aldi when she was 2. She wanted to get out of the trolley and started running up & down (shop was empty so I allowed it) and did it on every aisle I was on. Then suddenly a worker came up to me to say DD had suddenly turned 180° and bolted out of the entrance! 🤦🏼‍♀️ I’ve never run so fast and I’m disabled! Adrenaline took me for the ride of my life………
🏃‍♀️💨

Sounds like a normal day out with my son at that age, and I didn't feel I was doing badly at all!

I say well done for making 40 mins! That's pretty impressive. If you're worried about your parenting you're probably doing a good job - it shows you care x

Sounds like an average day with a 3 year old.

This. I think 3 is much too young to sit through a full cinema showing without then being expected to shop and go to a cafe?!
Toddler showings are often shorter eg the peppa pig movie is like an hour right?
A full feature length film is an incredibly long time for a 3yr old to sit. Better to watch at home where they can play with toys while its on

I took my son to see Mary Poppins a week before his 5th birthday. He loved it. When we got home Aberfan was on the TV.