Very shy toddler

[Clomid1]

Hi Everyone,

My daughter is nearly 2.5 yrs old. I returned to work when she was 11 months. As a baby I took her to playgroups a lot and she was a quiet baby but always wanted to explore. I left her with her grandparents (split between i laws and my parents). Between 11 months and 2 years she didn’t get taken out much the odd family event but thats it.

I started taking to playgroups at 2 (because I started maternity leave again with my youngest. My daughter is very shy. She clings on to my leg when we walk into any playgroup. She refuses to play with any other children. She just sits on my lap and watches. If a playgroup is not busy or empty then she’ll happily explore but as soon as another child walks into her space she’ll run back to me.

I’ve religiously taken her for 6 months and she’s been exactly the same. I’ve mixed up settings so I take her to a variety of childrens centres, church playgroups and library events. She just prefers to watch.

I am not sure how to help her. She should be starting school nursery next September and I am dreading it. Have you got any suggestions?

My daughter was always the same. Is she always with you or does anyone else take her places? How is she with them if they do?

I would model behaviour with her. Don't leave her to approach another child on her own. For instance if another child is playing with something they could both play with, like a train set, go with her to the train set and you start playing with the other child. She can see how you go about approaching someone new and may start playing as well.

I find it hard to go into a new group, introduce myself, start chatting etc. it's got to be much tougher as a two year old learning the rules of social interaction. It sounds like you aren't forcing her, which is good, there's nothing worse than well meaning people forcing you to be social when you don't know how.

Can you meet up with one or two of the other children in a park? She might feel more comfortable in a smaller more controlled group.

Just what this person says.

I always see confident social parents with confident kids.

I agree with PP, model behaviour. Encourage her to come with you and explore the toys instead of just letting her sit on your lap, although I know there might be some resistance to this at first. Follow her lead but gently encourage trying new things. To be fair at that age toddler will mostly parallel play rather than actively socialise with peers so I don’t think there needs to be pressure to actively play with other children, but it would be good for her to see you play alongside other children and she’ll in theory see that there’s nothing scary about it.

Do you do floor time with her at home, getting on the floor and playing along with her? I do this with my son but for different reasons. When he went for his settling in session I was there with him but he wandered off and did his own thing! Although his problem is not understanding boundaries and stepping through peers as though they’re objects

You have just described my son at 2.5. He's now 3 and a quarter and plays independently. Still flinches when the vivacious children get a bit close, but says he enjoys the groups and is excited to go.

Give her time, and if you can find a toy there that she really likes then that may help.

Thank you for replying everyone!

@Tdcp I always take her out. My husband comes along if its a weekend group but other than that it’s always the 3 of us (toddler, baby and me).

@DemonicCaveMaggot I have tried this, I’ll sit down in one of the play areas and pick up and play with things and talk to the other children. I also encourage her to hand things to the other children. She comes with me, sits beside me and just watches everyone but never gets involved herself. The odd time she’ll hand something to another child but nothing more. I then move to another area if she hasn’t interacted much to see if something else can grab her interest. She then comes home and tells me about what other children did like “the boy fell down. He cried” or “The boy took the lady's bag” . I

I see myself in her. I was exactly like her as a child and really struggle in social situations as an adult. My parents really tried to force it and I remember crying and breaking down in many places so I’d never force her.

I have tried smaller groups but she just doesn’t want to play with the other child. Still just wants to stand around me or another adult. She’s good with adults. She will interact with them more, doesn’t speak to all adults only the ones she’s comfortable with or knows very well.

@frus I wander around the playgroup talking interacting with all the parents because someone told me that it would encourage her to come out of her shell more. It’s been hard work for me because I am also shy but she just likes to sit and listen in. Today I was discussing holidays with someone at a playgroup so she came home and told me she’s going on holiday to spain 😂

@ByHardyRubyEagle is floor time role playing etc? We do lots of that. She uses us (baby sister and I) as her customers at her restaurant 😂.

@UnravellingTheWorld what’s he like at school nursery. My fear is she’s going to start and there are 35 3 year olds running around and she’ll be overwhelmed and stand in a corner?

Floor time is not role playing.

Floortime

It is a child friendly way of developing social and communication skills.

He's not started nursery yet - he was born shortly after the cut off date so is going next year.

A few months ago I would have absolutely been afraid of him standing in a corner while everyone else ran riot, but these last couple of months I really think he's going to be fine next year. He goes to bible class on Sundays, and initially I did go with him and he didn't leave my knee. But now he goes without me, enjoys it, and gets "looked after" by the older girls (primary school age). He's still reserved, but wants to be involved and joins in the games.

Honestly turning 3 I saw a HUGE improvement in his social skills. Just keep giving your daughter opportunities to be around other children. She will get there.

DS was like this but made a couple of other quiet friends at nursery and primary school, then a few more at secondary, and is now a quietly confident student. DH and I were both painfully shy so it wasn't a shock and I'm really pleased at how he's turned out!