Help a first time mum

[SillyPearlWasp]

Hi, I'm a first time mum due in 10 weeks and have alot of worries about in-laws/family when baby arrives there seems to be competition already on which in-law gets to meet the baby first ( i have put a 1 week rule in place where no visitors are allowed)
I also have other concerns of my newborn being treated like a party game and being passed around the family without asking me first how can i sort this?
How do i stop people nagging to see the baby as soon as i get home? and hogging her when they do hold her the thought of this petrifies me.
what do i do if i get told no when i ask for my baby back?

Firstly, try not to worry too much about situations that haven't happened yet and might not even happen!

I cannot believe anyone would outright say 'no' when you ask for your baby back - You're the mother, all you have to do is go over and take them. Or tell them it's time for a feed or a nap. But please be assertive it's YOUR baby

Use a stretchy wrap or a sling - that way people can't take baby and if they ask you can just say baby is sleeping right now. Equally if you breastfeed that's a great excuse to disappear to another room for a while.

Remember - the only thing a newborn really needs is it's mum. And you need to protect the interests of your helpless newborn. No one else needs to fed your baby or take them out alone to bond with them and as adults they should understand that.

Also don't be afraid of offending anyone at the expense of your baby's best interest. I once found FIL holding DD just after he'd been out for a smoke. I just went up and took her. Baby's needs trump adults feelings!

I still hate this now, dc aren’t a toy to be passed around
I try to focus on how nice it is though that they have so many people around who love them and are excited to be near them rather than how much I hate them being passed about and not with me. You can wear a sling and I’ve purposely never breastfed in front of some family members, just so they think I need privacy and I’ve always got a ‘I need to go feed the baby’ excuse if I want a break.

Don’t take no for an answer if someone won’t give you your baby back though, but I imagine your bond with the baby will make you refuse to accept this anyway when the time comes. I try to be nice first, or make a joke out of it, but if the person isn’t getting it, I am firm but polite with a ‘give me dc’ and I lean in and just take them. No ones physically tried to stop me yet, if someone did they wouldn’t be touching dc again. Other people would say I should be direct first but it’s hard when you’re trying not to cause conflict and family are well meaning but a bit selfish/clueless.

If your dp Is supportive get them on board too in supporting and helping you.

You seem to be worrying about things that might not worry you.

Many (most?) new Mums are really pleased that their new baby has other people that love him/her almost as much as they do.
Many of us feel a surge of love as the baby is loving held by its Grandparents.
Many of us appreciate that we have people to support us.

I also have other concerns of my newborn being treated like a party game and being passed around the family without asking me first how can i sort this?

Why do you think this will happen ?
People will generally ask if they can have a cuddle.
But also, why do you think it is a bad thing that someone else would enjoy a cuddle with your baby ?

I just don't give baby away, either hold or have it in bassinet. I don't offer cuddles..

Don't tell anyone when you're in labour or due to come home..I regret doing this I was hounded and couldn't think straight. Turn your phone off if you need to and just spend the time with your baby and recovering. Don't feel forced to do anything or have people round. I had a lot of visitors and I found it difficult because when my baby was sleeping I wanted to sleep too but I couldn't, do everything at your pace. If people want to see you they will wait.

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