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To try for another baby or not??

12 replies

Scotty22 · 26/11/2024 10:59

We had our beautiful baby at the beginning of the year. She truly feels like our miracle baby after 10 years of trying, miscarriages, failed IVF attempts, she was worth every bit of heartbreak we went through.

We still have 1 frozen embryo to use and I always assumed we would want another child but now we are not sure. Our main concern is money, we need to use a nursery 2 days a week for our baby and we are not sure if we will be able to afford to do this for 2 children. My MIL looks after her 1 day a week for us which we are so grateful for but she is not in the best health and worry she would not be able to help as much over the coming years and don't want to to add any extra stress to her. Also going through a frozen embryo transfer/medication can be costly too.

On the other side we have this little frozen embryo waiting for us and feel he/she should be given the chance. It made it through the IVF process and is a good quality (although we know nothing is certain it may not implant anyway). We also would like a sibling for our baby to grow up with and be there when they are older and we are gone. I had always pictured having 2 kids even before having to go through the IVF process. I worry that if we don't at least try we will always wonder what could have been.

Anyone ever been in this situation and if so what did you do?

OP posts:
meadowlit · 26/11/2024 13:13

Surely you'd just wait until the eldest would be 3+ by the time the youngest needs childcare, then childcare would be cheaper, or wait until the eldest would be in school? Most families in London have a 3-4 year gap now as childcare costs are higher here. We have a 3.5 year gap and DC1 started school when DC2 was 4 months old, and it's a perfect gap in many ways.

Scotty22 · 26/11/2024 13:23

Thanks I would but after taking so long to have my first baby time is not on my side. I am 42 now and cant really wait much long.

OP posts:
howluckyami25 · 26/11/2024 13:36

Reading your first post to me sounds as though you do want to try for another one, I think you can make money work but the regret of not trying you'll live with forever and will always have the what ifs if that makes sense xx

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pjani · 26/11/2024 14:11

Deep down, what do you want? Putting everything else to one side for the moment, do you actually want another baby?

If the answer is yes, I would give it a go, though temper the hope as I know there are no guarantees.

The cost of childcare is eye-watering but it is also temporary. It can be a tough few years with 2 but once the first goes to school, it really really helps. Once the second goes to school, the pressure definitely lifts.

BUT. Kids are really hard. Don't try for a second if you don't actually want one.

ByHardyRubyEagle · 26/11/2024 14:15

If money isn’t an issue then go for it. If money is an issue then don’t. Probably only best doing it if you can be a SAHM for a few years.

Kosenrufugirl · 26/11/2024 17:33

Hi there my gut feeling is that you should go for it. There are always ways to economise in other areas.

kidsanddogs10 · 26/11/2024 18:25

You'll regret not giving it a go!

Scotty22 · 27/11/2024 15:49

Thanks everyone, I think my gut feeling is to go for it!!

OP posts:
onceisenoughinlife · 27/11/2024 16:40

I think you'll only regret not transferring it and having to destroy it one day

Your child may ask why you didn't at least try to give them a sibling?

Honestly money wise you just find a way

Mushroo · 27/11/2024 17:19

It sounds like your main concern really is money, in which case, you’ll find a way to make it work!

With baby number 1, you probably didn’t think you had a spare x amount a month for nursery, but you just find it somehow, and the nursery years are so short.

I think you’d regret not trying

SillyNavySnail · 27/11/2024 18:50

We have a 16 month gap. Planned, mainly as the most cost effective age for us, with me running my own business and putting mostly on pause for 2 lots of maternity leave.

You get pregnant tomorrow, oldest will be close to 30 free hours. Baby obviously get 15 free hours from 9 months. You'll be fine, just budget and cut back more between now and first couple years. You wint need to buy much baby stuff at all this time either

pjani · 28/11/2024 14:00

How wonderful! Good luck!

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