2.5 year old social anxiety?

[Deltx]

This is a bit of a complex one so really could do with some advice about our 2.5 year old son.

bit of context, we are a military family, so dad is away a lot but my parents are very much big figures in our sons life and he has a big family support who love to have him aswell as myself.

was a high needs baby but ci a a fairly chilled toddler in that he isn’t wild like a lot of other little boys - he has plenty of energy and loves to bed outside but he has never exhibited destructive, aggressive or dangerous jumping off things behaviour like I sometimes see toddler parents struggle with.

the main concern is that he is SO anxious about social situations. He spends a lot of time with just me and I have always been really pro active in taking him out for days out, lots of dog walks, nature, parks etc. all my friend children are similar ages and he just hates being around them? If I mention play dates or going to see someone he gets very upset and will keep talking about it and build it up so that he’s beside himself. We tried nursery for him 2 mornings a week to see if it would help but again, he would constantly asks every morning if he had nursery and would meltdown when he did, kicking and screaming and the nursery phoning me and getting me to collect him most mornings. He did eventually calm down and stay the full 3 hours but I could tell when I picked him up he was just happy to be away from it.

im really struggling with it because it makes me not want to meet up with friends and their kids because of how he reacts and it’s not enjoyable for either of us. He mostly sits on my lap and I’ve refined to initiate play for him but it just makes it worse and I’ve found it easier to just let him sit with me and hope he might go and play in his own time?

am I pushing it too much for his age? Shall I just give it more time? Or am I giving into him and giving him what he wants which is just me and not sharing my time and attention with others?

he is very loving and easy going in every other aspect except when it comes to seeing other people outside his family. He weirdly is fine with strangers out on walks or in shops. It’s just when it’s a planned event where it’s my friends or someone coming round for coffee he gets hysterical and takes himself up to bed crying.

just want him to be happy but also for me to get my social cup filled aswell but that’s not happening right now as I’m avoiding it. Will also add im 28 weeks pregnant 🤣 which might be fuelling his anxiety of sharing his mummy with another sibling soon.

You can't really give him more time, especially now that you are pregnant.
I would be worried a little bit about how he will cope with the new baby - have you started to prepare him?

I think it's normal for toddlers to hate situations like play dates and nursery - but I believe they need to be pushed a little bit. For example, I knew my daughter would love to go dancing, so I took her to dance class when she was 2. For 3 months, she was crying and hating the idea to go, but now it's her favourite time of the week. I think some children need more push - letting him get away with it will only make it harder - especially with a new baby.
No children would ever go to nursery or school if they had a choice. Have you tried a different nursery? My dd loves her new nursery, less children, more quiet and not as stressful as the previous one.

He’s 2. This is really normal. They don’t really begin to play with others and interact really until 3-4. It’s an inbuilt safety mechanism if anything. You wouldn’t wantonly interact with strangers outside your tribe and your family is your tribe. Both of mine were completely mute when visiting friends and family often. It’s totally fine and normal. If you could access some childcare/preschool, that would be great to give him some opportunities to build friendships when he’s old enough and give him some practice with play and social interaction.

But I really wouldn’t worry about any of this: being loud and assertive with other children, going off with anyone, etc actually aren’t traits that help them when they get to school. It’s the quieter, more polite, less aggressive children who do better, so he’s doing fine. Both of mine were exactly like this. They are now primary and secondary school age, very confident and outgoing and well behaved with lots of friends. It’s just that he’s only 2. Fwiw, it had no impact on mine accepting a new sibling. It’s a very different dynamic.

Thankyou, all reallt sound advice and I agree I am of the mind that he is just young and doesn’t want to be away from his safety net ie family. It’s more pressure from outside sources like family members that are making me feel like there is an issue and it’s been playing on my mind. My gut instinct is that he will be fine and he’s just discovering himself.