I’ve been with my partner 10 years now. He has 4 kids & i have 1 (she was a baby when we got together). I was 22 when i took on 4 kids on top of my own but their mother wasn't allowed contact by court till they all reach legal age. My eldest step daughter studies medicine and it’s been a blessing to watch her grow into such a fantastic young woman. The second eldest is a boy he left home at 16 because he has issues with authority of any kind. He would trash and destroy doors, walls when he didn't get his own way. I really tried to step up remove xbox do what i could to teach this was wrong but his dad always gave in and he just got worse. At 16 he began smoking weed and we said not in here so he left by choice. The youngest are 13 & mine is now 10.
After him there is the 17 year old. As a child we were close she was the one i really felt a bond with she was creative, warm, friendly, unique, funny, & quirky. I loved that about her and she was the most non confrontational out of them all. Fast forward to now shes 17 dropped out of school to pursue childcare but has now dropped out of that too. Shes very angry, rude, spiteful, self absorbed, and out right nasty. She refuses to do any chores when asked and is extremely rude to her dad when he tells her. Response is shut up etc… she is obsessed with her boyfriend and since being with him shes changed completely. She dresses so inappropriate to the point her dad has refused to go out with her(shes goth we don’t mind but its extreme to us) for example she wears suspenders and a skirt thats a belt can see her bum and thong and a lace see through bra or a corset. We were then sent the inappropriate sexual content shes been posting online of her being choked by her bf in nothing but underwear… among lots more.
The other day her dad and i confronted her. Her response was don't look then and she began phoning people demanding to know if there parents care about their content. I removed my self from the situation till i heard her bad mouthing her eldest sister (who also thinks she is out of control) and then she shouted i hope your dog dies etc. I couldn’t control my anger and began raising my voice at how disappointed and angry i am. I also said she could pay for her own contract phone that i pay for her and contribute since she refuses to be a child i will treat her as an adult. She began phoning people saying she was being made homeless and was going to kill herself. She left and for days her dad recieved abusive messages saying she was going to the police we are horrible abusive parents etc and began saying he’s a terrible dad doesn't care she hates us all.
She was able to convince my partners aunt to take her in so she came to collect her stuff (note she never apologises or says she’s wrong for anything) she left the front door open and i’ve got dogs so i turned to hold them when i seen her give me the most vile look up and down. 2 mins later she stormed by me with such a force i nearly fell into the glass table so i confronted her and she said who are you talking to? With contempt so i said i’m speaking to you. Then she began making ludicrous comments at my front door shouting don't ever speak to me again so i lost it and told her to F off repeatedly and that was that. I then got a text message from her saying I'm a horrible person i’m disgusting i tried to fight a 17 year old (never happened i didn't move from the floor with the dogs) she then said I've turned her dad against her and her brother and got what i wanted. Despite her brothers behaviour I've said he's welcome here his dad refuses because of drugs his anger/disrespect and the company he keeps. She also said i made her feel unsafe in her home and i’m being reported to police. She lies about stuff like that her boyfriend text her dad last week as they broke up and she threatened to tell people he abused her and ‘ruin his life’. I’m not perfect but i’ve done everything for my step kids. I try not to make differences and pay for phones, hair, nails, shoes, clothes, & holidays abroad. I wouldn’t say i am overly strict either but there is a line and for me she crossed it and her brother did too. My relationship with my other step kids is great so i know her words are to hurt us.
I don’t know what to do from here i feel as though I've given all i can give and its not good enough she doesn’t respect us or care about anyone but herself shes extremely immature and manipulative. I do regret losing it and swearing at her because i know i shouldn't have but mentally i just can’t cope with the stress she is causing and the damage to our family. She’s gone online claiming we are abusers and horrible people. Do you have any advice? Are we wrong for our response to her behaviour?