I had my first child just before lockdown. Then lockdown plunged me into a deep post natal depression. My only saving grace was my daughter who was the most easy going, affectionate but relaxed baby ever. She was my light and kept me here, and we’ve been really close ever since (she’s nearly 5 now). Now I was terrified to have a second. I fell pregnant accidentally and had my son who I fell in love with as soon as he was born. Then a few weeks in he became “colicky”. Yes I tried everything to help but nothing did. It was really hard yet I never felt depressed the way I did the first time. Fast forward 4 months he settled and became a very chilled happy baby. Very smiley, very relaxed and loved to sit and play. Sometimes needy but what babies aren’t. Now fast forward to 10 months, something in his little brain has changed and as much as I love him he feels like the hardest baby on earth. He screams all the time. Nappy changed.. screams. Clothes..screams. Bath, car, as soon as I put him down, sometimes when I hold him, no matter what he ends up screaming for me. He’s only ever happy on my boob and if he’s not on my boobs he’s grumpy. I am exhausted, I getting burnt out thanks to winter bugs with us all, and I know that’s contributing to his misery but I feel like I have the most miserable baby on earth. I love him but he’s making me miserable too and I’m taking it out on my husband and at times my first child who I try so hard to stay patient with. Will he settle, will he get easier? Should I stop breastfeeding? I’m worried for my mental health again and think it might be time to stop but I wouldn’t know where to start. I use milk to sooth him, put him to bed and I think it helps his immune system when he’s in the thick of winter nursery bugs. Any advice? Any positive stories? Anyone relate? I just want someone to talk to without feeling judged.