Maternity leave - 8 week old and freaking out

[Charlottef94]

My husband went back to work this week and have been home alone with our DS (first baby) who is wonderful and 8 weeks old. However this week hes also decided he no longer naps during the day and I’m finding it so hard to entertain / stop him from crying and do ANYTHING in the house or even watch TV. I cant shower or make food or anything without him crying hysterically. The activities im doing with him (walking around our tiny flat looking at things, play gym, music, black and white cards) is mind numbingly boring on repeat all day and im now terrified I have another 10 months of having no break during the day if he doesnt nap more.

Has anyone got any words of reassurance as I’ve found this week so hard and I’m scared this is what life is like now.

It will get better. This is the hardest part. Get yourself to a sling library. Pop baby in a sling then you have your hands free, and the heartbeat is helpful for getting them to nap. Also you can get out and about! Terrifying first time, but you get your routine.

I used to do food shop with him in a sling. And means you're going new places to point things out so less monotonous for you. As baby gets older get into the baby groups. Baby massage, baby mornings, classes. Go for a walk once a day, change up the route if you have the mental capacity. Take a bus into somewhere.

I have an 11 month old. Now it's all new problems 😅

The app Huckleberry really helped me with naps - still using it now at 18 months! You've totally got this!

He is overtired. Put him in a buggy and go for long walks. He will drop off eventually. Do this several times a day.

It definitely gets easier in terms of naps - usually sometime between 12-16 weeks. That will seem ages now but it’s not another 10 months!

This is not what life will be like forever I promise. I have a 16mo old and my god you don’t realise it at the time but every month was a totally different set of challenges, and this bit will pass.

I remember DH going back to work and being terrified and bored and lonely a lot. It was around that time DS screamed at me all day long and I had no idea why and only by the end of the day realised he was tired but had got to an age (around 8 weeks) where he’d started getting more aware of the world and fussier about how he napped (I only realised this in hindsight after 2 days of being screamed at and crying). For us he loved sleeping in the sling (hated the buggy at that age) or on a boob.

I dreaded winter with a small baby but did ‘a thing’ everyday. For me that would be a gallery / museum / cafe / baby class / visit friends around town anything to get out of the house really.

Absolutely this.

Do you have a baby carrier or pram? Everything will be better if you just bundle yourselves up and go out for a walk. A walk around the block. A walk around the town. A walk to the post box/supermarket/library/shops/park/fields/beach/anywhere.

The newborn stage is tiring but fresh air makes everyone feel better and works wonders on tiredness for everyone.

Congratulations on your little one!

This. Wrap him up warm and take him out in the buggy.

Or pop him in a sling, and get on with your day. He will soon fall asleep to the rhythm of you sorting laundry or running the hoover round.

Don't panic, you're doing fine.

Definitely get out of the flat.

Sling or carrier and walk around.

Baby sounds super over tired. At that age first nap should be within an hour of waking up. So change them, feed, dress yourself and then go for a walk. You'll both feel better.

There's a 9 week growth spurt so might be coming up to that.

He definitely still needs naps but has become self-aware enough to notice the difference between awake and asleep and has worked out that awake can be more fun. However has not worked out that naps take the heavy feeling of tired grumpiness away, and is trying to make it go away with shouting and bouncing instead.

There's no magic way to solve this but don't give up. We found that the book "secrets of the baby whisperer" helped.

You are doing ok. Remember perfection isn't required. You are going to be fine.

Firstly, although it seems tricky, get out of the flat. Going out with baby in a sling or pushchair will help them, and it'll also help you

You don't need to be doing lots of activities with him, the world (and your face!) is plenty. Obviously do it if your want to, but don't feel like you need to.

Go and do things that YOU want. Go for a walk, go shopping, have a wander round a museum, meet s friend for lunch, it to to one of the billion baby classes around that are frankly more to keep you entertained than the baby at this age. Through things like baby classes and playgroups your can meet some friends in a similar boat, and meet up for a pub lunch or something, or hang out round eachothers houses.

But do what you fancy, but what you think baby wants. You've got years of going to soft play and hanging round parks freezing your tits off, so make the most of the time when they drift care what they do as long as it's with you.

Maternity leave can feel very lonely and restrictive, or it can be a time of reconnecting with friends, going to new places without the restrictions of a job. Ok, with baby, but you'll soon get used to them ragging along.

It's early days as it's the first week alone. Maybe think of a few things you fancy doing next week and then see us you can do then in a way your baby can tag along with. A Christmas market maybe?

Go out of the flat. You don’t need to entertain him specifically at this age. Just take him out and about and do some stuff you want to do. He’ll watch the world go by and you can chat to him but also other people! It gets better.

I know not everyone agrees with it but I was very reassured by Wonder Weeks. Based on your baby’s age they’re on leap 2. Leaps are the worst and not all babies experience them to the same extent but my first DC followed the schedule like clockwork. Third DC not so much but I found it really helpful and validating to know the change in behaviour was normal and to be expected. It won’t stay like this forever. Good luck!

I will say starting at about 5 weeks old, every 3 weeks there would be an awful week for sleep etc. Refusing nap, up every 30 mins, feeding CONSTANTLY. Then the next week I'd notice his clothes, nappies etc fitting differently. Seemed to be on a 3 weekly growth spurt schedule 😅

Look up sleep regression stages, links in with brain development.

Completely agree with others for you to get out, exercise for you and much needed fresh air for you both. This will also help your wellbeing xx

You might need to turn the lights off and put him in a sling. He will nap but is likely too distracted and getting overtired.

It does get better honestly. Is there any local baby groups or stay and plays you can go to?

Agree with others, this is your first week alone with him and it's coincided with him becoming more aware of his surroundings.

It will get better.

If you need a shower can you put him in a bouncy chair in the bathroom with you? He may not like it but for the few minutes you're in the shower he'll be fine. Alternatively, get your DH to have him for 10 minutes in the morning so that you can get one then.

Also agree with getting out. I'd aim for the first nap for about an hour after he wakes. So get him fed and changed and aim to leave the house roughly an hour after he wakes and take him out for a walk.

And your library should have a list of local groups. Sometimes you just need to get out and talk to another adult

Shower and food organised when your partner is home and with baby. Either he cooks and organises snacks for you to eat, or he has baby and you do it. I used to hand mine off as soon as Dh walked through the door, then sort food, shower and sleep and he did everything else til bedtime.

And get out of the house as much of the day as possible. Walks, go to a museum (for you), sign up for any sort of baby class you can find for new babies. I did baby massage and yoga. It forced us out of the house.

Sling and chill and watch tv. I did a lot of just watching tv, holding baby and snacking or drinking coffee in front of the tv. You don’t need to be reading, playing with, entertaining all the time. If baby is happy being held, sit and watch something trashy on tv.