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Parenting

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Coparent Help

4 replies

PennyLane12345 · 22/11/2024 04:42

I left my ex 4 years ago and he continues to harrass me through our coparenting app. I have tried all different ways of communication to limit the verbal/emotional abuse but nothing has worked. Right now we strictly communicate through a coparenting app. He struggles with anger management and parenting and often blames me for anything that goes wrong when in comes to our kids. My oldest no longer goes to his dad's for custody time (well just a few days a month). Our middle child is now rebelling to his dad and expressing not wanting to be there either. He is overall just a mean, negative person and my kids are over it. We have been through the court system, we have a custody arrangement. This included him and our oldest accessing counselling but after a couple sessions, the counsellor reported my ex to CPS. The police have also interviewed my kids about my exes behavior towards them. This is all pretty recent but they told me he kind of teters the line between abuse and tough parenting. The thing is he can be manipulative, he is popular in our community but does these things behind closed doors. I'm an introvert and not overly concerned with popularity. So, I know I am viewed negatively by others as my community is very cliquey and I have never really been on that level, and just keep to myself. I weekly get messages like this from today:

Here I am. Fighting with Ryae. “Your fake”. I wonder where they hear that from ? “Mom says bad things about you”. Do you feel bad about the things you say to these boys ? How you manipulate them for your selfish needs ? You’re using them, and fucking them up. You’re trying to destroy their relationship with me and you’re willing to screw them up to do it. It’s embarrassing. Ryae tells me I’m fake after sleeping in my room all night. Pretty weird. Everyone knows it’s you Carrie. The school, the people at hockey the police. You tell them stuff that they don’t remember because of how young they were, in order to make them think bad things. You’re embarrassing yourself and screwing these kids up. And it’s all being documented.

I changed the name of our child but he is referring to our middle child. I really want to figure out a way I don't have to read this type of message. I can't cut off all contact as we sometimes do need to talk about the kids, although this is rarely and I mostly just receive this nonsense. I have tried all sorts of boundaries. I just want it to stop. Any ideas?

OP posts:
KickHimInTheCrotch · 22/11/2024 06:12

I don't have an answer I'm afraid but wanted to bump it for you. It sounds like you've been through court and the level of contact the kids have with their dad is acceptable but his behaviour towards you (and them) is problematic. Although possibly not quite problematic enough to involve the police or children's services at the moment.

I think if I were you I would be worried about the impact this conflict is having on your children's development. They will be seeing this example of how to conduct relationships and may repeat the patterns.

TinyMouseTheatre · 22/11/2024 09:50

I am not criticising you at all but just wondering if you do ever talk about their Dad negatively to them? Hard not to I suppose.

Clutterchaos · 22/11/2024 09:54

Don't reply to any of it. Ignore and keep contact strictly to childcare arrangements. How do handovers happen? How old are the DC?

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Clutterchaos · 22/11/2024 09:57

Block notifications from the app. Check it when DC are due to be collected by Dad, when they are with Dad and no more than twice a week away from that.

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