Triggers as an Adult Child of an Alcoholic (now a parent)

[wheresmyglove]

Why do I get triggered when my children cry or worry (late for school in this case)?

Has anyone learnt how to deal with it? It makes me feel like a bad parent when I know I'm not. I get upset (away from the kids).

What are your coping mechanisms? How do you regulate yourself?

When you say triggered what do you mean?

I’m not an ACoA and I would say I think every parent (except maybe the ones who don’t give a shit) find a child being upset, kicking off, or not listening to be really challenging. Honestly, I have days I’d like to chuck both of mine in the bin. I think that’s actually quite a normal and healthy response to something that’s legitimately difficult, not a sign that there is something damaged about you. I actually think that makes you quite ordinary. It’s hard and frustrating parenting children.

The good thing is that you’ve learned a good coping mechanism. You aren’t repeating history by reaching for the bottle. You’re having a breather and cracking on. That’s a good thing.

True!

I mean I sometimes start being very inwardly critical which I suppose is the voice of my inner child.

Talk to yourself in your head like you're a child and you're explaining it to yourself.

'I know he's upset but It's ok for little Johnny to be late for school just this once because there's a good reason and tomorrow things will be better and we will be on time"

"Little johnnys upset because he can't have more time on his tablet but I'm a good mum and he needs to go to scouts to get some exercise and meet his real life pals and that's ok"

Be kind to yourself.

And if there's lessons to be learned, like Johnny needs to lay out his school clothes the night before so we aren't rushing to find things in the morning and be late, then learn the lesson.