I really don't get on with my son :(

[Interlude]

I have found myself on a downward spiral in the relationship between myself and my 7 year old son.

He is just so full on, he always has been. He's loud, constantly shouting, making stupid noises, singing in an annoying, loud voice, burping really loudly and in people's faces etc.

He shouts things like "i'm going for a POO" or "I farted! did you hear it?" etc, its constant.

It starts as soon as I pick him up from school "did you buy me anything today?" when I say no he goes in a massive mood, refusing to move, running away, calling me names, shouting things...

On the way home you can guarantee he'll whinge about something or other.

Then we get in he will throw his coat and bags onto the floor and then go straight into the kitchen to get biscuits, drinks, raid the cupboards, search bags etc....its so bloody annoying. I tell him to come out of the kitchen and he grabs stuff and runs or he'll just refuse to do as told.

When he eventually comes out of the kitchen he will begin shouting random stuff, he will kick or slap his brother to start a "Play" fight which just ends up with someone crying or something getting broken. If I go upstairs he will follow me and play ON the stairs knowing he isn't allowed, if his brother goes on the PC he will stand behind him annoying him, touching stuff that isn't his and generally just making tempers flare up. At dinner he will usually complain about the food, sometimes protest and screech "I'm not eating it!" then when he gets ignored he begins eating and making a huge mess on purpose.

Bed time he refuses to go to sleep, constantly gets out of bed (drink, toilet, I need a kiss, "guess what happened today" etc etc) and its 11pm before he nods off.

Both me and DS1 get so sick of him. Yesterday we came home, DS2 Was shouting about this and that and I just snapped and told him to go and play on the xbox whilst me and DS2 were upstairs. I realised then that I constantly just want him out of the way, I'd rather not have to deal with him.

I know its a vicious circle, he plays up because he knows I don't want to be around him, I don't want to be around him because he winds me up so much.

We just don't "get on" at all.

Me and DS1 are totally different and can chat for hours or sit quietly etc...with DS2 you can't do anything peacefully, games end up in arguments as he won't stick to rules, conversations end up in stupid shouting matches...

How do I reverse this before DS2 thinks that I don't love him as much as DS1?

oh blimey, I haven't got time for a long answer, but he sounds a little bit similar to my ds (7). We have to manage him and his behaviour. An example of this would be talking to him before school that when he comes out of school at 3.20 there won't be anything new for him, he can have 2 biscuits only then fruit, but perhaps he might like to go to the park...etc.

I find that if he knows in advance what the rules are then he is alot easier to manage. We also fill his time with structures activities, so we know what to move him onto next. He is hopeless at amusing himself, but if I know i've got a task in mind to do with him, I quickly switch into doing it with him if I see his behaviour going downhill.

It is quite tiring, but staying on top of it is better than the alternative.

Oh and he also says that I don't like him sometimes. I make a big thing of telling him often that I love him and like him. It's gradually getting through.

Oh God, this sounds like my Ds1 in 3 years time
I could have written your post except mine is four.
I see the vicious circle too - I don't like beng around him often and then he knows this and acts like I 'expect' him to act, which is awful...perhaps I started it though. He must be very insecure.

No answers but I do find when I put in a real effort and when I have rare few days of liking him for himself, we get onfar better. He also picks up when I am feeling confident and good, which I am not often, and those times are great...he does need lots of cuddles though as well, every day.

He's just a baby really but I see him as huge and scary and stopping me doing anything I have or want to do.

This is a disaster in the making - I'm getting some therapy soon. Hoping if I sort out me, he will follow...xx

We've just had another episode, kids are in bed and are being quiet. My mum phoned at 9pm to tell me about her weight watchers (like I asked her to) and AS SOON AS DS2 realised I was tied to the phone I heard him get out of bed. I ignored it and then heard DS1 screaming and shouting at him, then all hell broke loose, there were bangs, things getting broken, crying, screaming...I had to end the call to see what the hell was going on. Turns out DS2 had taken the opportunity (me being on the phone) to go and cause world war 3 in DS1s bedroom, whacked him over the head and in the leg with a train track thing, DS1 was crying his eyes out.

I'm just so sick of him, right now I don't even like him. I want him to go and live with his father.

Out of anger I have just told him that I am cancelling his place on our holiday to Florida so that he can't ruin that for us too. I actually wish I could.

I find my son (6) hard work after school. I always go to the school gate armed with food as he seems hungry and I think that affects his behaviour. Does your son have a bit of a walk home from school..maybe he needs more excercise to tire him out so he won't be bouncing round the house when you get home. I try and limit my son's time on the computer and Tv as I think that it can make behaviour worse. do you ever have the chance to have a day out with just your 7 yr old. I took my son up to london one day in the hols and we had a lovely time together, he was fascinated with the train trip, and museum visit and I think he enjoyed having my attention, as often at home I'm trying to get on with something and not often playing with him. It sounds as though you could do with more time to yourself in the evening. If you don't already do this maybe you could read your son a book at a regular bedtime and then allow him to play with lego or similar in his room for a further 1/2 hr or hr if he will play quietly and not come out. Gosh its easy to give tips but I often really struggle with my son. We have had times when language and table manners have got really bad - could you withhold pudding if he plays up at the table, or say that you will cook his favourite meal the next day if he sits properly at the table and doesn't make rude noises!. I also give my son time on the computer as a reward for good behaviour, as that would be his chosen activity. I've heard that involving ones children in household chores is a good thing to do as then they are busy doing something, you are getting help (?!) and you are not having to stop what you are doing to intervene in the children's bickering...I know this is easier said than done but these are strategies I'd try. 11pm sounds a very late bedtime - maybe tiredness is making his behaviour worse..so I'd definitely enrol him for every sports club going so he will be exhausted and unable to keep awake!

I do understand how you feel but your son will definitely have picked up on the fact that you really can't stand him at the moment. He is craving your attention and love. I don't think any punishments are going to work. He will keep pushing.

I have been in a similar situation. I can really recommend this book

Some of the tone is rather corny but the principles and ideas are excellent. I have just finished a 12 week parenting course based on this book and it has totally transformed my relationship with my son.

Can't write long post as at work, but just wanted to say 'me too'. Have 7 yr old and he sounds very similar - very, in fact - have you pinched my son? You can have for a couple of weeks, no bother.

Will write more later, and would love to hear strategies........

I think this is a typical type of boy (of course there are many types, but this is norm for a type). My ds is just starting to show some silly, nutcase boy behaviour.
I think the key is that you don't have to 'get on' with him - I think it's a mistake to think that you and your children can be matey. Sad but true (that's why I love under twos! My 7mo dd thinks I'm the best person EVER).
I think that you need to be strong, discipline him, lay down boundaries - children need to rebel, so give him something to rebel against ifykwim. Tobytortoise is dead right - so make sure you go down to his level once a week at least. I'd love to put you on to my friend. She's an amazing mum to her 8yo boy - she does things like setting up assault courses in the garden and doing them with her boys, going camping, scaled up versions of hide and seek with trails and clues in the woods. I've also noticed that she grabs her ds and gives him big kisses even when he says he doesn't want them.