Can I be a good mum to two?

[Goscat]

I'm currently pregnant with my second, before which we were on the fence for a long time (DS will be 4).

I feel like I've been a really good mum to our DS, I've genuinely loved every stage, didn't resent 2 years of sleepless nights and breastfeeding, tantrums, illnesses, potty training and even coped well with working full time/nursery etc. I just can't shake the major anxiety that I'm not going to be as good a parent to two as I am to one, it's keeping me awake nightly and I'm so anxious I can barely think of anything else.

I guess my question is, is it just me or did any of you mums of multiple kiddos have the same anxieties before no 2?

I'm sure almost everyone feels like this. I definitely worried about it and just couldn't imagine how I would have enough time. I think if you coped well with all that first time around, particularly the lack of sleep, you're already ahead of most people! Also, it's true that they really do entertain each other, especially as they grow, so it won't all be on you.

What you feel is perfectly normal. I think it's a good sign that you care.

When I had DD2 it was different as I had done a lot of learning with DD1 so it wasn't so daunting.

DD1 enjoyed DD2 and now they're older they do play with each other and help each other too...with some minor arguments but this all part of being siblings.

The main take away I have from having two is they are very different people and the same strategies don't work!

Enjoy, it is very special and involve your first child in the joy of a baby. Praise them for being a good family helper and vice versa and take lots of photos!

Thank you both, honestly it just helps to know I'm not the only one who is/was worried about it. I think it's so hard knowing you will no longer be able to give your undivided attention to no.1 and no.2 will never have that same undivided attention you gave no.1. But I adapted to having one child, so I'll just have to adapt my approach to 2!!!

I felt the same as you OP. I’ve just had DS2, he’s four weeks old. The first week was incredibly hard for me as I couldn’t shake the feeling of guilt that I couldn’t give DS1 my full attention. It killed me when he would ask to cuddle or play with me but I had to breastfeed DS2. But it has slowly improved and DS1 is becoming more involved. We are finding balance and I’m able to give my oldest more attention.

My point is, it’s normal to have these fears but you will adjust. You sound like a brilliant mum and I am sure that will continue with two! It is harder before it gets easier. And your child will benefit greatly from having a sibling!

wishing you all the best with your birth!