What are the expectations for a house wife in 2024

[burton79]

I would like to understand what the expectations of a house wife are these days.

We have one child (3 years old) and my wife is a full time stay at home mum. We have talked about her returning to work once our son starts school and although I can see she is not keen to do so, has said yes although maybe to keep me quiet.

Our son currently attends nursery 3 full days a week so he can socialise with other kids.

Now with the time my wife has available to her what should the expectations be? I assume it would be cooking dinner, cleaning the house, doing laundry are the main ones. She certainly does cook dinner and does the laundry but doing shopping, cleaning the house is done by me on the weekend as I work FT during the week.

The reason I am asking is because the divide doesn’t seem right to me so wanted opinions from others.

The person staying home should be doing the majority of the cooking/cleaning during the week, particularly when children are with childminders and whatnot.

However both parents deserve an equal amount of time off (lie ins, time with friends etc) which is probably only facilitated with the working parent doing their share over the weekend

It’s nothing to do with the year we live in and all to do with what works for your family.

No one here can possibly answer.
And if you were to live your life in a manner dictated by strangers on an internet forum, that would just be bizarre……

Well firstly, surely between you you can set up an online shop and then nobody physically has to "do the shopping". But yes, in a context where she has three full childfree days I would expect her to manage any major house cleaning and probably to plan and order the online shop. What does she say about why she hasn't?

On the weekend, you should share care of the DC and day to day chores (sweeping floors, wiping counters, washing up, all that jazz) and both get some "proper" downtime.

No really enough information to say if your set up is far, but I think your looking at it the wrong way round. Instead of focusing on what each person does, look at have much free time you each have (ie. Time not at work, doing chores or carrying for child).

If your parenting roughly equal amounts during evenings and weekends, and she's taking time out during the week aswell, then it's reasonably to ask her to take on more during this time so there's less to do at the weekend. However, if you're 'done' for the evening when you come home from work, but she's always the one doing the child's tea, bedtime and entertaining them at a weekend, then it's reasonable for her to take some of the time your son's at nursery as her equivalent free time.

I do everything domestic except take the bins out. But dh pay the bills/deal with all financials etc. He is the main lift-giver to our dc's. He clears up after dinner if I ask him. I sometimes do bits of diy but dh does anything bigger or we get someone in. We have gardeners to mow the lawn.

I do think your dw is taking the piss leaving the shopping and cleaning to you. What on earth is she doing all day?

Are you sure she’s not cleaning in the week? It’s not a one-time thing- she could well be doing lots of cleaning and there still be cleaning tasks to do at the weekend. (I have a cleaner twice a week but still do hours of cleaning myself.)

With 3 days at home while your child is at nursery I’d say she should be doing near on 100% of the basic cleaning and chores freeing up the weekend for family time.

big jobs like decorating/ DIY a split.

I'm a SATM with children at school and in the week I probably do 95% of all house jobs, cooking, organising, cleaning, ferrying kids to after school activities.
We're currently having the house renovated so I'm also in charge of liaising with all the trades getting quotes, timings etc.
If I can crack on with larger decorating or garden jobs in the week I will.
I do make sure I carve an out time for myself ie I go to the gym in the week so that weekends are free, but if I want to meet up with friends on a weekend that's also fine.
My DH also has time out when he wants it whether that be mid week or weekend.

So to clarify, when I come in from work I spend time with our son and we share putting him to bed in the evenings. If putting him to bed it is the others responsibility to do dishes and tidy up. We jointly look after him on weekends too and each get to lie in one of the mornings (sat or sun).

Okay, generally it sounds like the expectation would be to do a bit more during those 3 days i.e her do the majority of cleaning during the week too

Thanks for your insights all

What does she do during those 3 days? 3 days sounds like plenty to me unless yous live in a huge house, you could easily do the run of the mill housework in just one of those days! Then all that would be left the other two days would be the general daily tidying, order a food shop (takes what, 30 mins?), and obviously cooking tea on each day. That would leave loads of time for her to still see friends, shop, exercise, occasional appointments for hair/beauty/health and whatever other hobbies she has, and the house would still be in order.

I used to get the bulk of our weekly housework done in half a day tbh when that was all the child free time I had each week (fairly small 3 bed terrace, 2 adults and 2 kids living there).

I would make sure you're distinguishing between once-a-week cleaning jobs (scrubbing the bathroom) and once-a-day jobs (wiping down kitchen prep surfaces, sweeping where DC has eaten, etc). But yes, it does seem to me like in the fairly substantial free time available to her in the week, she could get through most of the once-a-week cleaning.

As a past SAHM I would say no need for nursery at all. Think of the money you would save. Mine went to preschool 5 days a week mornings the year before they went to school that's all. I was a SAHM so I could be with them all the time not pack them off to nursery.

I wouldn't call her a house wife but I would expect some cleaning on one of the childfree days she has. I would expect a lot of the laundry done, shopping and cooking on some of the days. On the two days she has your son when you are at work I would be grateful for a load of laundry being done and you should be prepared to cook when you get home.

If money is tight I would also expect her to look for part-time work.

I would encourage her to get a job so she has an escape fund.

I am very organised so like @ranoutofquinoaandprosecco I did 95% of the housework/shopping etc. I had a laundry schedule that was weekdays only and in school hours, a bin emptying rota on set days so never an overfull bin to deal with. I had a 3 week meal plan and a click and collect food order from the supermarket. Realistically I had about 5 1/2 hours when the children were in school to get stuff done. Your wife has 3 days at home and how many hours each day?

It is much harder to keep on top of things whilst a child is at home with you however she has the other 3 days to get on top of everything. Think about how much a cleaner could get done in the same amount of hours, or you yourself. I will say that it is repetitive drudgery but I listen to music, podcasts, audiobooks and radio whilst I clean the house. There is a lot of time for breaks too.

What is she doing whilst the child is at nursery?
There are an awful lot of things that are hard to do when you are in charge of a 3yo! If she is using the time for appointments, household paperwork, household shopping, dealing with elderly relatives etc, then that is very different to watching TV or going out to lunch.
When I was a SAHM my DCs were at home all the time - they socialised through toddler groups, classes and meeting friends. I had very little time for cleaning - especially as neither napped beyond 18 months.
Luckily I had a husband who didn't see things as housewife work, and if something needed doing, he got on with it.

Yup, this is the best way to do it. If she's doing evening childcare and presumably looking after child while you do cleaning/shop at weekend, she's not having free time then. So it's whether you get any chill time at weekends and evenings and if that's similar to hers during nursery days once laundry, basic tidying, cooking is done. Even if you do a weekend clean, getting through a week involves cleaning and tidying especially with a 3 year old- it doesn't stay tidy!