Newborn, 4yo and c section! Help for navigating fourth trimester

[PocketRocket12]

Just as the title says really!

I currently have a 4yo DS.

I am now just days away from elective c section with my second and feeling very nervous about navigating the newborn cycle again with another child in tow!

Those early days are such a blur to me now as I had PND/it was Covid - what are the biggest tips from going from 1 to mum of 2 with c section recovery to think about too?

(First time round I had terrible post natal depression for a year and DS woke every hour until he was 3 (still wakes once a night now but I’m like a new woman!) Mumsnetters all helped me so much through that and I’m hoping this time around I will be able to enjoy that newborn time so much more)

Thank you!

What help do you have? Does the 4 year old go to nursery? I found that the very early days, the older child just had to get a bit bored, have extra tv time etc, but it passed quickly. The baby just had to fit in with the existing routine more.

My DH will be home for 10 days after c section. He is very hands on with DS and housework etc. DS in school 9-3 so that gives us time in the day too although I’m a bit worried about school runs once DH is back at work (7am-5pm) but we will figure it out!

How does it work with bedtimes, bath times for two etc? I am presuming we just meet the needs of eldest and baby will slot in 🤣

I currently have a 2 week old and a 4 year old in school - the main challenge is actually still trying to give my eldest some attention when stuck under a feeding baby most of the time. The baby won't have any routine to start with so definitely work around the schedule for your eldest. Will you have any family help?

DD1 was nearly 4 when DD2 was born by elcs. She was in nursery for 3 days a week, then started school when DD2 was 5 months old. Is your DS in nursery or school? That made it much easier, it meant I could focus on breastfeeding in the early days and get out to baby classes when she was a bit older.

I was lucky to have a lot of help from DH (he was off work until DD2 was 6m) so he was able to do nursery runs and a separate bath and bedtime for DD1. Try to get out and about when you can with the older one, it's not ideal to keep them cooped up inside and they will sleep better if they've had a run around a park or soft play. We had DD2 in a carrier and she would get fed and changed on park benches.

I would accept any help you can get, if your DH can wfh or any family members can stop by and help. Otherwise I'd use any nursery hours, or wraparound school care if he is already at school.

Thank you everyone.

Yes, DS is at school so it gives me time in the day which is very helpful. I’m a bit anxious about not being able to drive for 6 weeks as we are quite rural and I don’t like being stuck inside but hoping that time will fly and we’ll make the most of getting out at the weekends.

my MIL is lovely and I’m sure will help if I need it - a few dinners, entertaining older one, cuddling little one so I can catch a nap. Because of DHs job, I’ll often be doing bath / bedtime by myself so maybe she can help with that sometimes?

I think I enjoy parenting so much now after such a traumatic first year of DS life and I want to make sure I’m doing as much as I can to keep myself as mentally well as possible and enjoy the newborn stage more this time around

@PocketRocket12 If your section is straightforward you should be able to drive sooner than six weeks. I was driving less than a fortnight after my EMCS. You need to speak to your motor insurance company to see what their policy is. They will normally say it depends on what your doctor says. My GP said he was happy for me to drive if I could stamp my foot without pain (which I could)

If you can afford it and have the space get a couple of bouncers. I kept one upstairs that I could use to put baby in during bath time for eldest, or as I was tidying up, and one downstairs that got moved between kitchen and living room.

Teach your eldest to use the remote control and relax about screen time.

Bedtime wasn’t actually that bad as I just fed the baby whilst reading a story if they were awake.

Make your floor suitable for all of you to sit/lie on (carpet, nice blanket or thick rug). I played a lot of games on the floor whilst the baby just lay on the floor next to us. A baby gym is great for this.

Could you reach out to some school mums to help with the school runs for a few weeks until you can drive again? I did this for another mum and was happy to help.

There's four years between my two - going back to being woken several times a night was a shock at first but then got easier. Everything "newborn" came back like muscle memory! My memory however was shot to pieces and I would regularly leave the house without a changing bag or a pram - too used to bouncing out the house with my eldest who didn't need these things!

My parents came and stayed nearby for a few days to help by taking eldest to parties and out to the park, then came back to the house to cook and do some chores for us which was much appreciated (DH was recovering from hand surgery when youngest was born - great timing, eh?!).

Mostly I'd say just let yourself middle through. Yes, stick to routine for your eldest and baby will slot in around that. Lower the bar on screen time - I had awful guilt for the first two weeks that my eldest was glued to CBeebies all day but no harm was done! She's in her final year of uni now so it hasn't done any long term damage!! It really helped though to keep her entertained when I was stuck on the sofa breastfeeding.

Even though it was 16 years ago, I remember the newborn days as being a juggle, but a lovely one. Having my eldest helped me I think, I knew I'd already done it and survived and so put less pressure on myself second time around.

Exciting times ahead for you OP, wishing you all the best x