2 year old has a strong preference to dad

[Hereforthemamas]

Hello
Just thought I’d reach out for some experience / advice.
My 2 year old son has a strong preference to my husband, when he’s sad / hurt / not feeling well he will always cry for daddy, often also pushing me away quite strongly.
I have read so many messages on other forums along the lines of ‘enjoy the quiet moments’ and ‘it’s just a phase’ and I do understand both of these sentiments, but the truth is it does hurt and as much as I’m so happy for my husband to experience that attachment, I would love to work on our trust and relationship.
For context, I breastfed him for the first year of his life - at this point I was most definitely his comfort and safe place. When we decided to wean him as he turned 1, my husband starting sleeping with him at night to avoid temptation to feed.
At around the same time (last Christmas), both me and my son got ill and I wasn’t able to care for him - my husband did instead for 4 or 5 days of my son being really poorly.
It was after those two things that a real shift took place. My husband is out at work all week and during the days when he’s not around my son is fine with me, but it’s a very different story when my husband gets back.
would love any advice on small things I can do / that have worked for others, to build his trust in me and hopefully make it feel a little more equal (less gutting in those moments!).
thank you :)

p.s. he is definitely a boys boy - prefers grandpa over granny, gravitates towards men/boys. My eldest is the complete opposite!

My (also 2) daughter often prefers her dad, but also sometimes just wants me. She tends to cry and shove away the "wrong parent". It's quite frustrating when she wants Dada to get her dressed or do a nappy change (she'll pick up her clothes, walk off from me, and follow him around with them!) or sits and cries in the hallway when we get home to an empty house and Dada isn't yet back. It doesn't upset me, though - I find it quite cute ...

It sounds like you get lots of 1:1 time with your son, and are available more during the day? It's hardly surprising that your child would value Daddy's attention more when he us there?

I think this is one to work on yourself (why does the rejection hurt?) rather than your child?

My 2 year old DS is exactly the same. Similar situation in I work 2 days a week so I'm with him a lot more than his dad who is home for 30 mins before bedtime. I put it down to this. Mummy is always around. He doesn't have to think about when will be the next time I spend time with mummy.

Also if I have a really bad day and I'm stressed I can take it out on my husband. I could even push him away. I do that because he is my safe space. Likely this is the same for your son and you. He feels he's completely able to take his frustration out on you and that might come across as him preferring dad.
Interestingly my son also prefers grandad to nanny...

I would say it's completely normal to feel a bit hurt by it? Of course you want your son to come to you for comfort. I always cry and inside silent metaphorical single tear when my son happily runs to his dad and hugs him then refuses to give me a hug! Like my god I bloody adore you please love me back. ( He does it course just 2 year olds have a funny way of showing it)

Mine prefers her dad, she sees him less so it’s understandable. He gets morning hugs etc and I’m mostly ignored when he’s home (suits me, I have a coffee and read the newspaper). On the rare occasions I’m not with them she’ll get her dad to phone me to check in. They do care it’s just that you are always there and they know that. Don’t take it personally.

Thanks @Lijay1 i love how you’ve written back to me, not made me feel like I have a problem for being a bit sad about it and also love your analogy about taking out stress on husband as he’s your safe space. Couldn’t agree more. Thank you for your kindness.

I know it’s normal and I’m sure there will be phases over time. I do take the time to get things done and I do love watching my husband and my son have their bond. I just thought if there was anything I could do that would be helpful then it would be great to try!

I don't think there's anything you need to do. You're worrying about it and trying to fix it because you love your son so much. He'll feel that love. It's probably the reason he seems to prefer dad. He takes you for granted and knows that love will always be 💙

I also think 2 year olds show their love in funny ways sometimes. My son always seems so eager to go outdoors on adventures with everyone but when he's with me he just says he wants to stay indoors with mummy. I tell myself that's because he's just happy pottering around the house with me. Even though it means I have to battle him out the door most days 😆 try and look for those moments that aren't obvious affection but show he loves you.