I really need help with my 6yo DS (DC1) and I don’t know where to start.
DH and I have a great relationship with each other and DH is a great dad. Our 4yo adores him. Since DC2 was born - 4 years ago - DC1 has rejected DH and clung to me. It was obviously jealousy/competition with the baby but it just hasn’t worn off. He is actively rude and hostile to DH all the time, won’t accept him for stuff like bedtime, kicks up a massive fuss if he does anything with him and will always choose me. Eg he would prefer to sit at home with me watching me wfh than go to the cinema or some other fun outing that he loves with DH. DH tries and tries to spend quality time 1-1 with him but he refuses, rejects it and is ungrateful for anything nice that he gets.
His behaviour more generally at home is challenging. He can’t stand it when I am speaking to DH or DC2 and will shout or interrupt or create some kind of diversion to prevent it continuing. He has a short fuse generally and will throw stuff or hit us when he loses his temper. He will ignore us generally when we ask him to do things until most simple things (brushing teeth, leaving the house, table manners turn into a battle). I feel like our whole family life is built around managing his horrible moods and dealing with the fallout when he is punished. We enforce boundaries with time out and no screen time for poor behaviour but it has no effect on his future behaviour.
His little sister is the easiest, most compliant child so the contrast is stark. While we never directly compare them she is obviously praised a lot for her good behaviour, whereas we are constantly having to tell him off. I feel like we are all stuck in this negative cycle and don’t know how to break out of it.
He has no additional needs, is bright and thriving in school with excellent behaviour there and lots of friends. He eats well, sleeps well, doesn’t want for anything. I feel like we should have a lovely happy life, but we are all miserable. His issues all seem to stem from me/jealousy of his sister so I feel it is all my fault. He has so many lovely qualities and I adore him, but we need to do something to change his behaviour.