Advice on how to tell teenager she is going to be a big sister

[Montannah]

Really struggling on how to tell my 16 year old daughter that im pregnant and she is going to have a little brother/sister. It has always been just me and her for most of her life and we are very close she has said before she wouldn’t like a brother or sister but has also said on other occasions she would like one. I don’t know what would be the best way to give her the news I am actually really nervous about telling her and her reaction. Any advice or ideas on how to deliver the news would be greatly appreciated.

Well don't tell her she's going to be a big sister!! That's very infantalising. Tell her you've got some exciting news she needs to know, then just say you are pregnant, baby due around the such a date. Just so she knows from the start that you are keeping it. Tell her you do hope she can be happy for you, even though it might be a bit of a shock right now. Congratulations.

I think she’s old enough to be able to accept that you’re having another child. Congratulations 😊

I think you just need to bite the bullet and do it - I would hope that at 16 she would be excited...I would have LOVED that. I have a 2 year old with much older step siblings (17, 18 & 20) and they all adore her, it's actually a really lovely big gap and there's no jealousy like there may be with younger siblings.

I get that it's different with you if it's just been the two of you, but unless she's a particularly difficult teenager I think you'll be fine. Is the father in the picture?

Congratulations!

Father is not in the picture so will just be the three of us I’m just struggling on how to word it to her and find the right time I know I’m probably just worrying too much about it!

Gosh I think this is quite tricky.

I was your 16yr old once. I won’t lie, it wasn’t great. I left home because I could see that whatever happened I was going to be doing a lot of caring for a baby and I didn’t want to do that. My mum had met an absolute idiot and well… I was determined to get out of the town I was in, see the word, go to uni. So I left at 17 & didn’t go back.

I’m not telling you this to be doom and gloom, it’s just realistic in some families. I do love my brother but there was subtle pressure there to babysit etc.

Congrats on your pregnancy.

Did she know you were seeing someone/using a sperm donor/however it happened? If not she’s likely to be shocked rigid. I agree with being factual, not loading too much emotion or expectation on her and giving her space to process it.

Edited to add you might want to make it clear you’re not hoping she’ll be like another parent to the baby so skip too much focus on it just being the 3 of you.

Be factual.
Tell her at a time she can "escape" or retreat if she needs to.

Expect it not to land well, sorry.

This is going to be very tough because the baby will arrive just as she's preparing to leave home and - bluntly - she's going to feel replaced. But if you try to get her too involved she's going to feel put upon.
You can't really stop her feeling both of these things.
Is she in school/college? Which year? What are her plans?

Ah OP these replies make me sad, I really hope she takes it well. If you are a tight unit there really is no reason you can't be a tight unit of 3.

I agree with making clear there will be no expectations on her in terms of taking care of baby. Keep communication lines open - ask her if she has any concerns and try to allay them.

I guess it also depends on circumstance - is she in a good place right now? Is she happy generally?

In terms of the actual words - I guess something along the lines of 'I have something to tell you and I'm not sure if you'll be happy or not - but whatever you feel is absolutely fine' ....then just tell her and go with the flow. Listen to her.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she will be excited, I really think she will! Good luck

Congrats

Agree don't say she's going to be a big sister

Just say you are preg. Very happy. Keeping baby

Why would she be leaving home at 17

You know your daughter best, how do you think she's going to feel? Is she likely to worry that if there's no father in the picture that financially things might be tight? Do you get full company maternity pay? How will childcare costs be manageable when you go back to work? New baby doesn't need to be expensive at first.

How will a new baby in the house affect her ability to study quietly and ensure her sleep isn't disturbed?

Make sure you have answers to the practical stuff that will impact her current lifestyle before telling her so you are prepared to reassure her. Also be prepared for her to not be happy or find you hypocritical having an unplanned baby.

As long as your not going to be looking at her to do a lot of caring baby sitting etc i think she will come round to it.

My mum had my brother when i was 16 and with in weeks i was feeding changing etc.
With the constant you have to help yelled at me till one day i spoke up and said you had him your the mum not me i left home that day.

If you follow Stacey Solomon, you'll see the relationship her eldest son has with his much younger siblings is just lovely.

Is it likely to be a shock to her?

It could land either way but you need to think about what things are going to concern her.

When will the baby be arriving in relation to her exam years. Can you allay any fears about being distracted, kept awake at night.

Does she know you are capable of doing this alone, while still supporting her too, without using her as a crutch so she can focus on her teen years/exams which are difficult enough.

How will it impact you financially, and therefore her too? Does she have plans for uni that will be financially impacted?

Will a baby in the house prevent any socialising she does at home?

Teenagers can be annoyingly selfish, but sometimes they have the right to think about themselves when a bomb this big is dropped into their life without warning.

Good luck