Painting with three ....wine for mummy??

[suckatshopping]

Painting with DD3 yesterday. She had a kit with individual pots of paint from a party. The colours got mixed up (obviously) and she lost her mind about the fact that I couldn't unmix them. I tried to instead talk about the different colours we could make and how we could mix them on purpose but it was not what she wanted to hear.

Painting requested again today. I've washed out the pots and refilled them. Given her 3 brushes this time, and suggested that if she uses 1 brush per colour then they won't mix and she can keep the colours separate and clean as she wanted yesterday.

It's been THE MOST PAINFUL 20 MINUTES

Not verbatim...but you get the gist.

'Can I put this brush in this colour mummy?'
'You can, but that brush has red paint on, if you put it in the yellow then the yellow will have red paint in it and you'll get orange'
'I don't want that to happen'
'Okay so why not use the yellow brush for the yellow paint?'
'Can I use this one?'
'That's the green brush. You can use it, but you'll get green paint in the yellow. Shall I get you a plate you could mix on to see the colours you'll get?'
'No I don't want them to mix'
'Okay'
'Can I put this brush in here?'
'Do you want the yellow to go in the green? You'll get a lighter green but I won't be able to make it unmixed for you'
'No'
'Well then, do you think you should use that brush?'
Shrugs
'What do you think will happen?'
'The yellow will go in the green'
'Right...'
DD puts the brush in the paint...then in the next pot...
'Mummy why is it all brown again?!

I'm just a bit done 😂 honestly couldn't care less if you mix them or do not mix them kiddo, but can I just not be involved?! I know little people are learning all the time but argggghh. We did this yesterday, the effects were the same, you've verbally checked the actions before carrying it out, we've discussed the consequences, you've said you don't want the consequences and done it anyway.

Stop the bus I want to get off...😅😂

Surely it would be easier to give her some water and explain she needs to clean her brush between each stroke?

That's what we did yesterday, but brush cleaning is a bit of a skill we're not great at yet. So the colours still got mixed despite our best efforts

Wow, you have far, FAR more patience than me. I explain that kind of thing twice maximum and then let them learn their own lesson.

It sounds as though she's doing the transition schema perhaps OP?

You can try it yourself later when she's in bed by transitioning a into an empty glass

Sounds like an intelligent, inquisitive child. Then there’s my son, who I see with completely blue hands, face and clothes at pre-school not having a care in the world!

I know this isn’t the point of your thread, and some people will be along in a minute to tell me I need to ‘lighten up’ or unclench or whatever else, but PLEASE can we stop the “mummy needs wine” narrative.

It’s highly, highly damaging.

Have you considered just getting a single pot of brown? (Kidding. I feel the muscle memory of pain from when dd was this age. She's better at art than me now!)

You may have confused her terribly as she is only 3 by being a bit too advanced.

She said she did not want the colours to get mixed in the pots. So, when she asked you if she could put the red brush in the yellow paint you should have said “no because that will mix the paint” instead you went way beyond what a 3 yo can comprehend by saying “you can but blah blah blah” all she wanted was a no if it causes mixing and a yes if it doesn’t.

It reminds me of when I asked my Dad to help me with my maths homework to calculate the area of circle (2πr) when I was 7 and he decided it was a perfect time to teach me the standard equation of a circle too! (The standard equation of a circle with center at (x1,y1) and radius r is (x−x1)2+(y−y1)2r^2)

It was the most confusing 2hrs of my childhood for me involving pages and pages of graph paper.

Phooey. The ^2 keep being pushed out when I post.

go for one colour painting or get some magic painting books to use only water on - surely all you are going for is a bit of fine motor control etc

I agree!! I think vodka would be better anyway I love this post OP it took me right back to when mine were little and the constant questions which were relentless but I love them at that age

Omg I had no idea!

@PinkFizz1 you know I dithered over the title. Mainly as I don't actually like wine 😂 so not a phrase I use readily. But I thought it was one which most people seem to use in a 'jokingly exasperated' tone, which is where I was at. Always thought it was tongue in cheek. Who is it damaging to? Not being flippant, prepared to be educated.

'Slamming my head against a wall' sounds more stressed out. Have also used that one despite never actually having purposely hit a physical wall with my head. Thought if I said that I'd get responses telling me to calm down, when I was calm, albeit mildly feeling like I was in the parent version of groundhog day. A bit 'is this my life now?! Aye me!!'

What's the non alcohol equivalent?

I hear you. I didn't write the full 20 minute.script as I'm not sure if Mumsnet has a max character count...but we started in this sort of zone, but that message didn't seem to be helping so I added detail.

However I was also keen not to say 'no' in this instance. There's a lot of no's when you're 3. Realistically in this moment you can absolutely put the brush in there, you just might not like the consequences! Saying that mum didn't much like the consequences of her decision to try and avoid saying no 😂

Nah I was just going for having fun. Hadn't really related it to skills. We had been doing magic painting before hand, pens which seem white until they're used on special paper. Have had the magic painting books before too. Fun concept for mess free fun!! But sometimes the mess is half the fun

😂😂😂😂 will try that next time! Red, blue and yellow premixed!

You sound wise!

This is exactly why I hate painting with mine. They just mix all the colours to get brown. Then cover a sheet of paper in brown paint in about ten seconds flat. Repeat times twenty.

I try to stick to markers/pencils/crayons for the sake of my blood pressure.

Firstly really appreciate your reply. You have no idea how badly messages like mine are received!

So I can only give my experience, but for me, I’m a recovering alcoholic. Part of the narrative of “mummy needs wine!” just plays into the absolute social acceptance of alcohol. It’s kind of proving the point that you were only aware of the phrase that ‘most people use in a jokey exasperated way’ - which is completely true, but this is part of the problem. If we can nip this narrative in the bud, it might make a difference in the complete and utter normalisation of drinking to ‘cope’ with kids/stressful situations etc.

Appreciate the use of it is not ‘that deep’ to most, but ironically that’s part of the issue that’s really important to me. I never want to preach to people, or judge people, but rather challenge the social norm that now surrounds drinking culture.

See also: cushions, signs etc that say “wine o clock!” or gin & tonic scented candles, or gifting people bottles of wine as a gift (do you know their circumstances? Are they in recovery and you might not know? This could be innocent to the majority of people but quite literally could be life or death for some…)

Really appreciate your willingness to be open minded about this, it’s very refreshing.

Love this 😍
Would do it all again in a heartbeat.
Happy, happy days 😂

🤣🤣 You have just described my three year old's approach to painting perfectly. I've currently got 4 sheets of paper that look like they've been dipped in manky pond water stuck to my fridge 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

@sexnotgenders like this masterpiece? 😂

And then your kitchen is covered in drying paintings and you can't find room to eat dinner.

Would help if the image attached...ahem!

Second attempt