What would you do if you were me?

[Mama1999]

So, long story short, I have a 10 month old, when he was newborn we would visit my (now ex) partners parents every weekend, for hours at a time they would hold him and make it difficult for me as a new mum. I told them anxious when I can’t have him when he cries (because I soothe him instantly he rarely gets upset), nothing changed, (ex) partner asked if we could have him back when cries, nothing changed they just started taking him outside away from us, long story short I was starting to dread and get really bad anxiety from visiting and I ended up texting his dad bluntly that it doesn’t feel how much they take over with baby when visit, they cut me off and partner dumped me. I offered through (ex) partner for them to meet up to see baby multiple times and said no, they’ve now not seen him since he was 3 months old. I don’t want to send him there when stopped breastfeeding nor am I comfortable with him going there to sleep. Baby has never slept at his dads or left me apart from when I go do food shop or get nails done he will be with my mum or if his dads visiting his dad. Am I within reason to deny him going there until baby is old enough to tell me he wants to now? I’ve tried to keep their contact but denied multiple times and now baby doesn’t know who they are. What’s annoying me is I can feel they are all expecting to have him round there without me when breastfeeding done but I feel very very skeptical to allow this when they’ve put me through hell for sticking up for my own baby(baby was getting upset to the point he was holding breathe when they brought him back inside and I kept getting told to go back in he’s fine when they saw me coming out to check on him), what would u guys do in my position

It sounds like they don't have your baby's best interest at heart, and treat him like a toy. I would be in no hurry to separate yourself from your son in order to appease them or your ex.

My mum did similar with my first, came to "help" which meant taking my baby away from me anytime I wasn't feeding. I wasn't strong enough to stand up to her at the time and the whole thing was a bit distressing.

Your exes relatives are irrelevant. The ex can take the child to see them if he feels the need, when he's parenting his child. You can't do anything to prevent him doing this, but it sounds like he's not parenting at all?
You are your child's advocate, so anyone trying to remove him from your arms can be told 'no thanks, he's fine here', and decline to argue about it.

I'm confused as to when his dad sees him. It's for his Dad to facilitate contact with his parents, and personally if he's securely housed / trustworthy I think Dad should be having him without you there. Even if this is something you build up to slowly. So, when he takes him, he chooses whether or not to visit his parents.

Well he’s never taken him anywhere, even when we were together he took him for a walk in the pram one time, since separating he’s took him for a walk round the block but that’s furthest it’s gone so far, I haven’t denied him doing it he just hasn’t asked to

So how often is your ex seeing the baby and for how long?

The dad comes to mine to visit him and has never took him out apart from walks round the block, he’s not yet asked to take him anywhere, when we were together though and visited his parents his dad raised his voice at (ex) telling him no he can’t hold the baby so my concern also is that if he takes the baby there it won’t actually be his dad looking after him, it would be the grandparents taking over

Why are you even having contact with these people? That is for your baby's father to arrange. Tell them to contact him if they want to see your baby and block them. If he can't be bothered to arrange it that takes care of the problem.

Every other day, couple hours tops, but it’s not without my help, I try to go upstairs to do 20 minuite work out and without fail each time he is at my bedroom door with the baby before it’s over so it’s very supervised

Thank you it’s comforting to know another mum felt uncomfortable with the same thing

Well they were the ones to block me after I sent the message about feeling uncomfortable with them taking over, the only contact had since is through baby’s father and it was them declining offers I passed to baby’s father for them to meet up and see baby

To me, it doesn't sound like he's going to take the baby anywhere that requires any effort.

It's up to him to facilitate the relationship between his parents and his own child. If he wants to take the baby to visit his parents then he needs to arrange that with them. Which doesn't seem very likely at the moment as he isn't doing much.

I don't think you are unreasonable to say the baby can't go anywhere until you have finished breastfeeding.

However, I don't think you are reasonable to say the baby can't go there until the baby decides to go! Nor does it matter (I don't think) if the grandparents look after the baby instead of your ex whilst at the grandparents house. I think that's quite a normal thing really.

Just ignore them and keep them blocked. Your ex can take his child to see them once he’s mature enough to actually parent. I’d stop him coming round to yours. He can have baby as long as he goes out. He could meet his family at a cafe if he was so motivated.