Preteen group chats...help

[ZingyPoster]

My 12 year old has changed her whole style and at times attitude. She is very emo which is a world away from her taylor swift loving self a few months ago. While I have no issue with kids finding themselves she has found a group of new friends who are all emo, gay & hate the world. She has said she is gay which isn't the issue it's the absolute immersed emo vibe that she seems obsessed with. 2of her new friends are very attention seeking, setting up multiple group chats which seems all consuming one discussed self harming. I check her phone and I have had an open conversation that these girls concern me and I'm worried she is publicly labeling herself and isolating herself from her other non emo friends. I have just tonight muted the 7 group chats and deleting the one where the gurl mention cutting her fingers, but this feels like a mine feels, she's only 12. How do I navigate this. I'm so stressed about it.

Where has she met these girls, OP? Are they school friends? If so then I’d be flagging up the self harming threats in the group chat to the pastoral care team

I don’t tolerate inappropriate conversations on group chats. I would just remove her from them and then she loses phone privileges for a bit. Mine currently doesn’t have WhatsApp for exactly this reason. Because I don’t want her involved in drama. She understands that’s why. I’d also get her out of the house away from the phone to do things she enjoys where she could meet other people. What’s she into? Get her involved in a sport she loves, a theatre group, art classes, whatever to get out of this hump.

I'd also remove her from the group chat and explain why.
Then I'd contact the school with my concerns about the other girls and hope they get the help that they need.

Thats sad. I have had the opposite experience with my kid using group chat in that the kids have been very supportive of one another. Talk to your daughter about staying in the positive group chats and leaving the bad ones

Speak to school and delete WhatsApp as what will muting chats achieve? Block their numbers. Phone in family phone basket as she walks in and it charges downstairs overnight.

Sorry OP but she is too young for social media and this is why. Many children who use WhatsApp are also totally unmonitored by their parents online and you can never know the level of terrifying shit they can expose others to.

The go-to defence here is “but it’s how they communicate these days, they’ll be bullied if they don’t have it”. Quite honestly having a DS who has been given shit for not having it (standing our ground was hard at times and there were lots of tears) and having seen what other kids in his year group have been exposed to, I know what has been less traumatic for him. The social media side of this is 100% solvable.

Thankyou for the replies. I thought archiving the messages will help as it then no longer alerts you to someone haven written on that group chat. She has been very sassy with me today but I'm definitely keeping an eye on it very closely

You know there is a twelve year old kid talking about self harm and you first thought isn't to safe guard and let the school know and the immediately removed your daughter from the chat?

Thankyou for your kind reply. I have actually emailed school, however aparently her guidance teacher is aware. I can't parent or save other kids so yes once I knew school was aware my daughter is my priority & concern.

I'd be banishing that phone and those friends. No chance would I be encouraging all this shit at all. There would be zero outside school communication with these kids.

Nip this right in the bud she's 12 she's too young to be saying she's gay or even know what that means ?!! Confiscate phone and keep her busy, boo some new classes after school for her to try(